Oct. 16--Parenting, as we've discussed, doesn't get easier after a decade of working at it.
I came to this realization as my daughter approached her 10th birthday, and shared with you some of the points of light I've collected to make the endeavor richer, if not easier. Then I asked for yours. You delivered.
Here are some of the tips you shared from your many years of parenting, edited for length.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I made a conscious decision to always do one thing: live in the moment. To not wish she were taking one nap instead of two (who in her right mind would wish that, anyway?), not wish she could feed herself, not wish she didn't need a ride, not get anxious for the next age. I think I've done that pretty well. She's 21 now and amazing, though I'm reluctant to take much credit for that.
-- Viki Noe
Someone once told me to always be happy to see them. Greet them with a smile. It's not usually very hard as it seems natural to be happy to see them. I remember some bad days, however, when it was a challenge to wear that smile in spite of what was going on. To this day, 24 years later (next week), I still try to live by that advice. I hope my children will forever feel welcome and at home where I am.
-- Kristin Liberty Jobski
Coach or help coach your kid's team, whatever sport that may be. I coached my oldest son's fourth-, fifth- and sixth-grade basketball teams, although I really didn't know too much about coaching. But I knew all his buddies, and all the parents knew me, and they were very appreciative of what I was doing.
-- Scott Campbell
Traditions help keep life in balance, and we are big into them around here. We have family pizza night and Sunday night parties (snack food in front of the TV). We have our vacation in a cottage on a lake for a week, during which we do the same things each year. We have our last-day-of-school ritual of "What Time Is It?" from "High School Musical 2" blasting at top volume out the front door when the girls get off the bus. These traditions anchor us. They give us something constant and consistent to anticipate. They bring us together and hold us there. They smooth the rough edges of life. Not long ago, when we sat down for our pizza night, my 16-year-old sighed with contentment and said, "I love family pizza night. I look forward to it all week." When your teenager makes a comment like that, you know you've got something worth keeping
-- Elizabeth Spencer
Listen to your kids, not just for your voice coming out of them, but for their own voices. At any age, kids have their own voices. Kids today do speak out, and not listening to them -- really listening to them -- is what leads kids to think we as adults do not care.
-- Michelle Esposito-Koler
When you wake up, remember to start each day happy. Sometimes insanely happy. It teaches, I think, forgiveness, and unconditional love. And pancakes. Every morning. For 14 years running. When our James said to me a couple of weeks ago, "I hate you, Dad, and your stupid jokes," he added, "but your pancakes are good." That's it.
-- Paul Haugen
Help them see their gifts. Then guide them to activities where they can use those gifts. A child who is a less than "A" student may gain tremendous confidence by gaining first violin in the orchestra. A child who is bored with classical music might thrive in a jazz band.
-- Lauren Jiles-Johnson
Keep spending time and talking with them, especially through the preteen and teen years. If you pull back just because they do, you may not be able to reach each other later.
-- Dawn Fable Lindquist
Meet Heidi Stevens and Michele Weldon
Join Heidi Stevens and journalist/author Michele Weldon as they discuss the benefits, downfalls and strategies of writing about their lives as mothers in "Public Mom: A Conversation About Parenting in the Spotlight." The event is planned from 6:30 to 8 p.m. Nov. 3 at City Lit Books, 2523 N. Kedzie Blvd. in Logan Square. Stevens will discuss "Balancing Act," her nationally syndicated column, and other work. Weldon will discuss her latest memoir, "Escape Points," which will be available for purchase and signing. Reservations not required. For details, go to the City Lit website.
hstevens@tribpub.com
