May 28--Please say it's all a big, dumb joke.
Please say Amy Schumer, patriarchy rabble-rouser, budding movie star and woman crush wonder, isn't seriously considering becoming the next "Bachelorette."
ABC executives floated the idea after Schumer appeared on a recent episode to school one of the male contestants in charm and humility.
The segment was the least funny thing I've seen Schumer do, but plenty of fans loved it, prompting a grass-roots effort to land her as the show's next lovelorn would-be wife, desperate to be a bride, but bereft of the necessary soul mate.
Schumer responded to ABC's tweeted invite with an encouraging, "Here I come!! #bachelorette."
The show's host, Chris Harrison, replied with a "Can't wait!" tweet, and Robert Mills, an ABC senior vice president, tweeted: "#Bachelornation we did it!!!! Dreams do come true. Stay tuned #TheBachelorette," according to Us Weekly.
I sincerely hope she's messing with us. Or ABC. Or both.
"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette," going strong after 19 and 11 seasons, respectively, are two of the most stereotype-laden, woman-shaming, outdated-values-parading-as-edgy shows on television.
In the process of pretending to vie for the undying affection of beautiful men, the women are painted as crazy, crass, materialistic and cat-fighting. They're offered fantasy suites and couples massages and picnics at sunset, but dismissed as tramps if they have sex with their suitors.
It's hard to even hate watch.
On Schumer's Comedy Central show, "Inside Amy Schumer," meanwhile, she has been tackling the Bill Cosby allegations, the absurdity of the Hooters restaurant chain, video game misogyny, football's rape problem and Hollywood's rampant age discrimination, among other ripe-for-discussion topics. (Links include language not suitable for work.)
Surely she jests about breaking stride to be wooed with roses.
"A contestant like Schumer taking a gloves-off approach to her suitors could launch the series into a whole new level of cultural relevancy," writes Joanna Robinson at Vanity Fair.
Maybe. But I'd rather watch her take the gloves off for issues of gender and power, equality and justice.
"The Bachelorette," I'd rather see launched off a cliff.
hstevens@tribpub.com
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