April 20--Almost every sportswriter I know loves to romanticize about the old days -- when being a beat writer allowed you to get to know the people you covered on a meaningful level.
You developed a good working relationship, a give and take. Maybe the player would get mad at you for something you wrote, but you would talk it out and move on.
I'm 29 and I have no idea what that era of sportswriting was like. The access we have to athletes, even for those of us who travel to cover teams, is limited. Rarely do you get to have a real conversation.
Teams control everything. They shut down interviews that go long, micromanage the image of their franchise and coach players on what to say to the media.
That said, in my first year as the Blackhawks reporter for the Tribune, I have a bead on what kind of guy Andrew Shaw is. He doesn't hide when the media enters the dressing room. He will stick around and talk for a few minutes and seems to enjoy the interaction. A number of times this season, I've gone to him just to talk and see how he's doing. I always look forward to seeing him in the room and chatting.
That's why I was disappointed when I saw video surface of Shaw using a homophobic slur from the penalty box late in the Hawks' 4-3 loss to the Blues in Game 4 of their playoff series Tuesday. Shaw was vilified on social media, but I don't want to cast stones. He has a reputation around the league for being an irritant on the ice, but I don't think he's a bad guy. I also don't think he hates gay people. I just want to help him understand why what he said packs such a devastating emotional wallop.
On Wednesday, Shaw apologized.
"I'll never use that word again," he said. "It's a hurtful word."
Shaw is not the problem. The fact he felt he could use that word like it was another four-letter word is the problem.
Last month, I wrote a column in which I criticized Falcons assistant Marquand Manuel for opening an interview at the NFL scouting combine with prospect Eli Apple by asking Apple: "Do you like men?" I said such words promote an atmosphere of intolerance and homophobia that make it very difficult for a closeted gay athlete to feel he can come out of the closet and thrive in professional sports. In the column I also let readers know I am gay.
No word causes that feeling in closeted gay men more than what Shaw apparently said Tuesday night. It is the word gay men fear and despise the most. Shaw using it out of anger is no excuse.
I was called that growing up before I even realized I was gay. When you're closeted and thinking about coming out, you have nightmares about friends or family members using that word and making you feel like an outcast. It hurts when your friends use that word in a teasing manner. It's a whole different feeling to have people direct that word at you with contempt. I've had that feeling.
Now put yourself in the shoes of a closeted gay athlete. You're in a locker room or on a playing field, and you hear your teammates use that word. You start thinking, "Is this how they really feel about gay people? Is that what they would call me if I came out to them? Would I still be a member of this team? Would my career be over?"
That word is why gay athletes everywhere hide their sexual identity and often live lives of torment. It's why some contemplate suicide and develop emotional and psychological issues they might never rectify.
