Chelsea are booed off, which is a bit harsh. They played pretty well and should have won, but Joe Hart made three excellent saves and the substitute Javier Hernandez scored an emphatic equaliser. West Ham are now six points clear of the relegation places, and should have more than enough to stay in this division. Thanks for your company, bye!
Full time: Chelsea 1-1 West Ham
Peep peep! That’s a terrific result for West Ham.
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90+4 min Fabregas’s corner bounces across the box to Pedro, whose shot endangers low-flying aircraft in Stamford Bridge region.
90+4 min Arnautovic wins a corner for West Ham, who make a balls of an attempt to waste time. Chelsea’s break and Pedro’s shot deflects wide for a corner at the other end.
90+2 min Cahill heads straight at Hart, who saves comfortably. Joe Hart has had an excellent day.
90+2 min Willian’s cross is put behind for a corner by the heroic Arnautovic. Evra heads the corner clear.
90 min There will be five minutes of added time.
88 min Giroud’s towering header bounces up towards the far corner and is pushed onto the post by Joe Hart! It wasn’t quite as good as the earlier stop from Alonso but it was still high-class goalkeeping.
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86 min Arnautovic almost wins it for West Ham! He flicked the ball one side of Azpilicueta and ran round the other before surging into the area. He was about to shoot when Kante appeared from the side to make a wonderful tackle. Arnautovic wanted a penalty but the referee wasn’t interested. Chelsea broke and Hazard’s low shot from a right angle was pushed away by Hart.
Edit: I was wrong, it should have been a penalty to West Ham. Kante actually went through Arnautovic to win the ball, though that was only apparent after a few replays.
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84 min A West Ham change: Josh Cullen replaces Joao Mario.
80 min This is pulsating stuff now, with both teams trying to win it.
79 min: Great save from Hart! Alonso turned on the edge of the area and hit a sizzling rising drive with almost no backlift. Hart flew to his right and fingertipped it over the bar. That was a brilliant stop.
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78 min Arnautovic, who has been outstanding in the last 15 minutes, skins Rudiger and hits a cross that deflects wide off Cahill.
78 min And Olivier Giroud replaces Alvaro Morata.
78 min Chelsea make a change, with Pedro replacing Victor Moses.
76 min “The moronry of fantasy football teams is in a class of its own, I think,” says Charles Antaki. “We presume to be knowledgeable not only about form, fitness and statistical probability, but also on the tactical shrewdness of playing the various odds-enhancing jokers at just the right time, and so on and so forth. And were we but to know it, the leaderboard is composed either of very clever 13-year olds who can actually manage all of that, or of complete jammy beggars who get lucky every week. But I have Azpilicueta, hooray!”
Yep. It’s a lamentable mess. Grown men and women panting furiously until they find out WHO GOT THE EFFING ASSIST. I hate myself for doing it, but I hated myself beforehand so it’s a no-lose no-lose really. And I’ve got Arnautovic, so.
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75 min “Fritz Lung,” suggests Bjoern Treugut.
74 min The chance came from a mistake by Cahill, who headed a long ball across his own area. Arnautovic cut the ball back on the turn, and Hernandez finished like the expert he is.
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GOAL! Chelsea 1-1 West Ham (Hernandez 73)
A goalscorer comes on as substitute and scores a goal straight away. It’s a brilliant finish from Hernandez, smacked low past Courtois from a really clever cutback by Arnautovic.
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70 min Javier Hernandez, who scored some big goals against Chelsea in his time at Manchester United, replaces the disappointing Edmilson Fernandes.
69 min After a mistake from Masuaku, Moses sweeps a left-footed curler just wide of the far post. Good effort.
68 min A terrific cross from Moses is well cleared by the noggin of Ogbonna.
67 min We know 1-0 is a dangerous lead - almost as dangerous as 2-0, the most dangerous lead in christendom - but there is no real sense that West Ham are going to score. I’m surprised they haven’t brought Javier Hernandez on. Maybe goals are overrated.
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65 min “You called Azpilicueta’s goal ‘Andrex-soft’,” says John. “It made me wonder if there’s a product placement bonus to be had from MBM-writing..?”
What the Diesel L-QUAD Leather Biker Jacket are you talking about?
64 min “Kidney Poitier,” suggests Martin Utley.
63 min Cresswell is unable to continue. He’s replaced by Chelsea fan favourite Patrice Evra.
61 min Arnautovic really needs help. He’s playing Chelsea on his own. It’s a shame West Ham don’t have a proven goalscorer on the bench.
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60 min “Film director anatomy?” says Dom. “How about Stanley Cuteprick? Or is that just homoerotica?”
I don’t know about homoerotica, but it’s a heck of an unlikely typo.
59 min For the second time today, Morata has a goal disallowed for offside. This one came from Willian’s low cross, and... replays show it was again the right decision. Daft bugger, he’s in my fantasy team. (Yes, I have become a Fantasy Football Moron.)
58 min Cresswell is going to try to run it off, though at the moment it’s more of a hobble.
56 min Cresswell is in a lot of pain after landing awkwardly. The physio is on the field manipulating his ankle.
55 min Willian’s outswinging corner is headed over at the near post by Morata. That was a decent chance.
53 min West Ham started the match fairly well but it has been hopelessly one-sided since Chelsea took the lead.
51 min Another chance for Chelsea. Alonso’s low cross flashes past Willian in front of goal and is retrieved by Morata, who tees up Moses. He spanks the ball into orbit from the edge of the box.
48 min “Ian Copestake’s 36th-minute mentioning of ‘Brain de Palma’ made me wonder how many other celebrated directors might be typoed into a lesson in human biology,” says Mac Millings. “Venereal Herzog? Peter Jacksie? Alfred Itchcock?”
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47 min A decent effort from Arnautovic, whose low shot from 20 yards is comfortably saved by the plunging Courtois.
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47 min Willian misses an excellent chance, poking wide of the far post from 10 yards after a nice dragback from Hazard.
46 min Noble is booked for pulling Hazard back.
46 min Peep peep! West Ham begin the second half.
Half-time reading
Half time: Chelsea 1-0 West Ham
Peep peep! That was an increasingly comfortable half for Chelsea, who played some classy stuff and then took the lead through a pathetic goal from Cesar Azpilicueta. West Ham look pretty toothless. See you in 10 minutes for the second half!
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45 min “I don’t think there’s another manager quite like David Moyes,” says Joe Harvey. “Can’t think of another manager where the teams, when they’re good, look like they’re winning in spite of him, and when they’re bad, completely look like they’re ignoring every word he says. How frustrating it must be to be a West Ham fan to hire someone so synonymous with long, slow, demoralizing failure.”
Don’t take this the wrong way, but have you forgotten his 11 years at Everton?
44 min West Ham have offered the square root of bugger all in attack. Arnautovic is far too isolated.
42 min There’s been some lovely link play between Hazard and Morata - reminiscent of Yorke and Cole in their angles, movement and use of the dummy.
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40 min “In a non-Rooney response to Benjamin Park, if I may, I was far from expecting entertainment (after all I am not an entitled child), but I was not expecting such an assault of non-achievement on every level,” says Ian Copestake. “There was not a single element of satisfaction to be gained other than my need to watch it being ended by the ref’s whistle.”
‘An assault of non-achievement’ is a glorious phase, and one I will be stealing at the precise moment you read this.
38 min The original chance for Willian - which ultimately led to the goal - came from some beautiful quick passing between Fabregas, Morata and Hazard. When they play at pace they can be scintillating.
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GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 West Ham (Azpilicueta 36)
Hart makes a brilliant save from Willian - but then Chelsea score from the corner. It’s an Andrex-soft goal, with West Ham’s defenders half asleep as Azpilicueta pokes a volley into the net from five yards.
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36 min “Chelsea’s dominance brings to mind an observation made by the film critic Pauline Kael about the horror oeuvre of Brain de Palma,” says Ian Copestake with a formidably straight face. “In the end you want the tension to be broken by someone being killed/a goal being scored.”
35 min Arnautovic is getting no real support. Edmilson Fernandes is having a beast and Joao Mario has been peripheral.
34 min “Anybody who actually expected Everton v Liverpool to be exciting deserves the corresponding torture,” says Benjamin Park, who is great at parties.
33 min Whenever Chelsea quicken their pace of play they create something. Next stop, rocket science.
31 min A short corner is worked to Willian, who shapes a fine curling shot just wide of the near post. I think Hart had it covered, mind.
29 min Beautiful play from Chelsea. Hazard plays a one-two with Fabregas on the left side of the box and stabs a first-time cross towards the near post with the outside of his right foot. Morata improvises superbly to flick the ball behind his standing leg and just wide of the far post.
27 min Possession watch: Chelsea 63-37 West Ham.
26 min So much for my prediction of 4-2.
24 min Morata has a goal disallowed for offside. It was beautifully worked with Hazard but Morata made his run too early and was definitely offside.
22 min “Having delayed watching Everton v Liverpool till a matter of hours ago,” says Ian Copestake, “I feel my own bud has already been well and truly trimmed.”
The video of that match will soon be used as an instrument of torture.
21 min Willian, who does look quite sharp, makes space for a left-footed shot that deflects wide off Cresswell. Azpilicueta heads the corner over at the near post, a half chance at best.
19 min West Ham are having a good share of this game, and will be encouraged by the fact that Chelsea are not exactly full of pizazz.
17 min “Dear Friend,” writes Hydroponic. “Are you looking for hydroponic bud trimmers? We are Chinese Factory producing all kinds of bud trimmers. With more than 10 years experience, our bud trimmer style is the most complete in China, no one could compete with us. We sell over 12 thousand pcs of bud trimmer each year!”
16 min A truly disgusting square pass from Fernandes goes straight to Willian, who zig-zags into the box and hits a low cross that is desperately cleared by a combination of Hart and Ogbonna.
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14 min Masuaku drives a terrific pass over the top for Arnautovic, who controls the ball on the run and hits a shot that deflects behind off Cahill. As Andy Hinchcliffe says on commentary, perhaps Arnautovic should have taken that first time on the volley. By controlling it, he gave Cahill the chance to make the block.
13 min So who will/should be Chelsea’s manager next season?
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11 min After a slow start, West Ham are looking more confident in possession.
8 min Chelsea have lost five of their last seven league games, their worst run since Jose Mourinho went rogue in 2015-16.
7 min Arnautovic seems okay for the time being, and almost gets on the end of Masuaku’s low cross. It’s kicked behind for a corner, which comes to nothing.
4 min Hazard scoots towards the area, moves the ball away from Ogbonna and whips a low shot from 20 yards that flashes fractionally wide of the far post. That was so close.
4 min Marko Arnautovic, who scored the winner against Chelsea earlier in the season, is struggling. It might be a hamstring problem.
3 min Hazard’s dummy allows the ball to run to WIllian, whose 20-yard shot is blocked. It’s been a lively start from Chelsea.
1 min Alvaro Morata gets the match under way. Chelsea are kicking from right to left, if you like to imagine these things in the televisual style.
After a heartfelt minute’s applause in memory of Ray Wilkins, it’s time for the match to start. Prediction: Chelsea 4-2 West Ham
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It has finished Arsenal 3-2 Southampton, so West Ham still have a five-point cushion from the relegation places. Chelsea are now only two points ahead of Arsenal, though they have this match in hand.
Good news for West Ham Arsenal have taken a 3-2 lead against Southampton through a sly foul from Jack Wilshere.
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And here’s one of his greatest goals, a comically nonchalant lob against Belgium at the European Championships.
Here’s Ray speaking for the nation after England were robbed in Rotterdam in 1993 (NB: contains adult language)
What were you doing when you were 18? Yep, me too. At the same age, Ray Wilkins was captain of Chelsea.
Chelsea were Ray Wilkins’ boyhood club - and his adulthood club too. This is their first match since his death, and the club have set up a special area where fans can leave their tributes.
Team news
Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Rudiger, Cahill; Moses, Kante Fabregas, Alonso; Willian, Hazard; Morata.
Substitutes: Caballero, Christensen, Emerson, Drinkwater, Bakayoko, Pedro, Giroud.
West Ham (3-4-2-1) Hart; Rice, Ogbonna, Cresswell; Zabaleta, Kouyate, Noble, Masuaku; Fernandes, Joao Mario; Arnautovic.
Substitutes: Adrian, Evra, Pask, Cullen, Diangana, Hugill, Hernandez.
Referee Kevin Friend.
Pre(sh)amble
Hello and welcome to live coverage of the Glen Johnson derby from Stamford Bridge. It’s been a difficult season for Chelsea and West Ham, two clubs who seem addicted to discontent. Both could do with a result today, Chelsea in particular. They probably need to win their last seven games to have any chance of qualifying for the Champions League.
West Ham should be safe, but it’s unwise to assume too much in what has been a logic-defying relegation battle. A draw today would be an excellent result, though they also have the chance to do the double over Chelsea for the first time since 2002-03. They were relegated that season, so I’m not quite sure what point I’m trying to make. Let’s move on.
Kick off is at 4.30pm.
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