Right, I’m off. Here, have a match report. Bye!
Zappacosta has admitted that he was trying to cross the ball when he scored his goal.
BT Sport are showing the goals. Some of Qarabag’s defending is not so much bad as non-existent. People looking the wrong way, people standing still while opponents run past them or while opponents just stand about with the ball at their feet weighing up their options. It was a bizarre performance from Qarabag. There’s bad – I can forgive bad – and then there’s dozing.
Cesc Fàbregas talks:
We’ve been waiting for a long time to be back playing Champions League. Finally it arrived, and you know it’s a good performance, good result. You never know if these goals can count at the end of the group stage, so we just keep going now. I think it’s a good performance from everyone. I feel personally very well. We’re back, not perhaps to our best but we are getting there. We just have to take it game by game. Now we focus on Arsenal, it’s a tough, tough game. And it’s a very difficult period for us, we have seven games in 21 days, it’s not what we have been used to since last year. We have to be on top, eat well, sleep well and try to recover well for Sunday.
Shortly before kick-off, when Antonio Conte was interviewed by BT Sport, he was asked if he could really be confident that the team he’d selected was good enough to win this game.
With hindsight, that’s probably the moment of the night. The team Conte had selected was good enough to win it by a double-figure margin. Had they really tried, really gone all out, given 110%, tonight might have been the biggest win in the club’s history (beating the 13-0 win against Jeunesse Hautcharage in 1971). But they’ve got Arsenal to play on Sunday, so that would be silly. Instead, they took it easy. They relaxed. And they only scored a laid-back six.
Final score: Chelsea 6-0 Qarabag
Too easy.
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90+2 mins: More criminally casual passing in their own defence by Chelsea allows Madatov to run onto the ball near the byline. He kicks the ball into his own leg and falls over. Goal kick.
90+1 mins: There will be three minutes of additional time, or thereabouts.
90 mins: Chelsea’s sixth goal has been officially awarded to Maksim Medvedev.
89 mins: Now Ndlovu cuts in from the right and scoops another shot over the bar. Different foot, same result.
87 mins: Chance for Qarabag! An actual chance! Ndlovu is played into space on the left, runs into the area, cuts past Rüdiger – who has sleepwalked through the evening – and shoots over the bar when well placed!
83 mins: That one’s definitely the most embarrassing goal of the night.
GOAL! Chelsea 6-0 Qarabag (Batshuayi/Medvedev, 82 mins)
A defender hits a pass into Zappacosta. No matter, as the ball rolls straight to another defender. This one also kicks the ball into Zappacosta, who is suddenly free to run into the area. He reaches the byline and sends in a low cross, which is bundled into the net by a combination of Batshuayi and his marker.
Updated
80 mins: After passing the ball around their own area for a bit, Rüdiger’s lazy pass rolls to a white shirt. That’s complacency in action.
79 mins: Fabregas very nearly finds Zappacosta bursting past the Qarabag backline again, only for one of the defenders to get their eyebrows to the ball and ruin it.
78 mins: I think the fifth might have been the most embarrassing goal of the night, though there’s plenty of competition.
77 mins: Qarabag take off Pedro Henrique, and bring on Tarik Elyounoussi.
GOAL! Chelsea 5-0 Qarabag (Batshuayi, 76 mins)
Qarabag give the ball away to Bakayoko, who slides a first-time pass to Batshuayi, unmarked and just outside the penalty area, who turns and shoots low and hard past Sehic.
Updated
74 mins: A final Chelsea change sees Azpilicueta come off, and Rüdiger come on.
GOAL! Chelsea 4-0 Qarabag (Bakayoko, 71 mins)
Another short corner, this one played to Hazard. His cross hits Michel in the chest, bounces to Bakayoko, and his shot deflects off another defender and flies in!
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70 mins: Zappacosta mishits a cross behind everyone and out for a throw-in. Perhaps his goal was a cross after all. Qarabag make two changes: Madatov and Diniyev are on, replacing Sadygov and Garayev.
67 mins: Willian hits the bar! He has been absolutely class today, just beautiful in possession. This time he cuts in from the left and hits a rising, curling shot that clips the woodwork.
65 mins: My colleague Richard Adams emails about spot the ball competitions, apropos the photo that appears some way further down the page. “Fun fact – in those pre-Photoshop days newspapers just used random photos of games with no football in shot,” he says, “and then they just chose where it might be. So there was never a ball to spot.” Say it ain’t so!
64 mins: Zappacosta has another shot, as the ball bounces across the area. It goes about 10 yards wide and 20 yards high.
63 mins: A second Chelsea substitution: Kanté goes off, and Bakayoko comes on.
62 mins: Qarabag have possession. Chelsea’s set-up without the ball is actually quite defensive, dropping into a bank of four and a bank of five, and the visitors are unable to find a way through it. Eventually, they run out of steam.
60 mins: Ndlovu falls over Fabregas’s leg just outside Chelsea’s penalty area. The referee waves play on.
58 mins: Substitution for Chelsea: Pedro is off, and Eden Hazrd is on.
GOAL! Chelsea 3-0 Qarabag (Azpilicueta, 55 mins)
The free kick is taken short to Fabregas, who isn’t closed down. He looks up, he looks left, he looks up again, and then he lifts the ball onto the head of Azpilicueta, who can hardly miss.
Updated
55 mins: Comedy foul of the day: Willian has the ball on the right wing, runs away from one opponent and is then steamrollered by Guerrier. He flies about five yards.
53 mins: So far this half Qarabag remain slow, while Chelsea’s players also appear keen to run a bit less. It is not a recipe for non-stop action.
51 mins: Qarabag have a shot! It’s Dino Ndlovu with the effort, a left-footed drive from 25 yards that Courtois pats down and then collects.
48 mins: Chelsea win a corner, and then another corner. From the second Fabregas finds a bizarre amount of space inside the area, but he’s closed down quickly enough for it not to be fatal.
46 mins: Peeeep! Chelsea get half two under way.
The players are out. And they are the same players that went in.
Just look how much space Pedro is in here (that’s him, No11, on the edge of the D). Every single Qarabag player is within 10 yards of the goal-line, leaving the rest of the pitch entirely vacant. Qarabag might not have the financial might to compete with Chelsea in the transfer market but they didn’t need money to keep that goal out, they needed some vaguely sensible organisation.
Half time: Chelsea 2-0 Qarabag
The home side couldn’t be more in control of this one. It is wrapped, bagged and the receipt is in their pocket.
45+1 mins: Into stoppage time, of which there will be only one minute. Fabregas passes over the defence to Zappacosta, whose low cross doesn’t lead to much. Still, excellent running and passing.
45 mins: Marcos Alonso shoots from the left touchline! Well, this one did look like a mishit cross, but it certainly ended up nearish goal.
44 mins: Chelsea make a clearance! The ball’s sent high into the penalty area, bounces around a bit, and then Cahill boots it clear. Listen, not much has been happening, OK?
40 mins: Chelsea give the ball away a couple of times in quick succession. Christensen’s stretching backheel interception stops Qarabag the first time, their own mediocrity the second. Still, as Steve McManaman points out, “against Atlético Madrid that’s in the back of the net”.
39 mins: The ball is passed to Zappacosta, near the right corner flag. “Shoooooot!” scream the fans.
Qarabag have a shot!
37 mins: Henrique has the ball on the right, cuts inside and then shoots low, quite hard and straight down the middle of goal.
35 mins: Zappacosta nearly has a second! He’s picked out by Kanté, cuts back onto his left foot and then fires across goal and wide.
33 mins: Willian crosses, Alonso miscontrols, and a panicked defender stretches and kicks his clearance into Alonso’s shin, from where it rebounds wide. Chelsea could get into double figures here, if they’re sufficiently bothered.
31 mins: The ball absolutely flew inside the near post, with the goalkeeper positioned ready for a cross. As with Kane at the weekend, the classic mishit-cross-turned-goal loops in at the back stick; this sped in at the near.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Qarabag (Zappacosta, 30 mins)
Zappacosta sprints down the right and then scores from the touchline! And I think that might have been an actual shot, rather than a mishit cross!
Updated
29 mins: Qarabag win a free-kick miles out. Again, they should chip it into the area. Again, they have a ludicrous shot instead.
28 mins: Chelsea win a corner and take it short. Fabregas’s eventual cross is a little overlong. The home side are dominating this game in humiliating fashion. They just need to avoid falling asleep and they’ll surely score several more.
26 mins: Batshuayi is given the ball with his back to goal, on the edge of the area. He instantly falls over, hoping for a free-kick, but no defender challenged him and he just looks silly. Plus Chelsea have lost the ball.
23 mins: Guerrier is penalised for gently swiping at Zappacosta, who was barely impeded but fell over anyway. Chelsea have a dangerous free-kick on the right, but Sehic catches the cross.
22 mins: This is horrifically uncompetitive stuff. Chelsea tap the ball about for a while without significant challenge, and then Fabregas chips the ball over the defence, the onrushing Zappacosta heads goalwards and Sehic saves well. The Italian was offside, so it was all for nought.
19 mins: Save! Willian shoots low from the edge of the area after a nice one-two with Batshuayi. The keeper saves, and though Batshuayi gets to the rebound first, the angle isn’t very helpful and he finds the side netting.
15 mins: Pedro picks out Batshuayi in the penalty area, but the striker’s control is poor and the chance is lost. Moments later, Cahill screams into a bizarre late tackle on Pedro Henrique, on the touchline and nearer Qarabag’s penalty-area than the half-way line – so, in other words, nowhere near the area Cahill needs to bother himself with – and is deservedly booked. Henrique appears to have a sore ankle as a result.
15 mins: Qarabag win a free-kick on the left flank, from which they should really have crossed. Instead, Donald Guerrier boshed a shot wide.
14 mins: The two dives I alluded to earlier were from Andreas Christensen, flopping over after a defender headed away a corner, and Michy Batshuayi, collapsing with the keeper bothering him a bit. Both were, I thought, a little silly.
13 mins: Chelsea knock the ball about at will for a while, and then Zappacosta is played down the right, can’t quite bring it under control, and Qarabag have a goal-kick.
9 mins: The Qarabag midfielder Richard Almeida has just the first part of his name on his shirt. With Michel also in the line-up, it feels like we’re on first-name terms with their entire midfield.
Updated
8 mins: Now Willian runs free down the right before sliding a dangerous low ball across the area, which misses everyone and slides out the other side.
25 - @ChelseaFC have now scored in each of their last 25 @ChampionsLeague group stage games at Stamford Bridge. Easy. #UCL
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) September 12, 2017
7 mins: Well that wasn’t very hard.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Qarabag (Pedro, 5 mins)
Pedro, left in a quite absurd amount of space from a Chelsea corner, curls a lovely shot into the top corner from 23 yards!
Updated
5 mins: Clearance! Alonso has another shot, and this time it hits a defender and bounces to safety.
4 mins: Save! Alonso blasts a shot goalwards from 17 yards, and Sehic tips it round the post. Alonso is the first Chelsea player to get into the penalty area and not fall over looking for a penalty (and the third overall).
4 mins: It might just be the dodgy contrast settings on my office TV, but Qarabag’s all-white kit seems so sparkly white it’s practically painful to look at. I don’t know what brand of detergent they use, but I want that one.
3 mins: Qarabag are on the front foot in these early minutes, though their latest attack has ended in no more than a goal kick.
1 min: Peeeeep! Qarabag get the game started, and swiftly pump the ball high down the right flank, winning a throw-in for their troubles.
Good stat stolen from the TV commentary: the referee, Tasos Sisiropoulos, has taken charge of two games in England before. He sent off one member of the English side the first time, and two members of the English side the second time. So Chelsea will probably end the game with eight men.
The players are on the pitch! And they are enjoying the Champions League anthem, as indeed are we all!
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This would be an excellent picture for a Spot the Ball* competition, don’t you think**.
* Kids: ask grandad
** You’d have to cleverly remove the ball first, obviously. As it stands it would be a terrible picture for a Spot the Ball competition
Antonio Conte talks to BT Sport:
For us I think this is an important competition. For the club, for the players and for me. We are proud to play in this competition this season. We played two days ago and it’s normal to rotate the players. And if someone is thinking to play every game with the same players it means they are not intelligent.
He’s then asked if he believes the team he’s selected has enough quality to win this game:
It’s normal to play to win. I think no team plays to lose the game. I know Qarabag very well, also because I played against Azerbaijan when I was coach of the national team. These types of games are tricky and we must pay great attention to start in the right way. I think we are ready, we are ready to play the league and now to start this important competition.
“Whenever I notice Qarabag playing my first thought is always: wasn’t the Marquis of Qarabag Puss-in-boots’ master?” writes Kári Tulinius. “Then I remember it was the Marquis of Carabas.”
So there’s no sign of Charly Musonda after all, though Davide Zappacosta starts for the first time since his move from Torino.
Chelsea’s star-studded subs’ bench: David Luiz, Antonio Rudiger, Willy Caballero, Victor Moses, Eden Hazard, Alvaro Morata and Tiémoué Bakayoko.
The teams!
The team sheets have been handed in, and these are the names upon them:
Chelsea team: Courtois; Azpilicueta, Christensen, Cahill (c); Zappacosta, Kante, Fabregas, Alonso; Willian, Batshuayi, Pedro. #CHEQAR
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) September 12, 2017
"Qarabağ"ımız "Çelsi"ylə matçda start heyəti #QarabağFK #UCL #CHEvQAR pic.twitter.com/OIPOAkOv0l
— Qarabağ FK (@FKQarabagh) September 12, 2017
Hello world!
So it begins. Chelsea’s Champions League quest starts tonight against Qarabag. There could have been, it must be said, sterner tests. But could Chelsea take their Azerbaijani opponents – who, after all, have lost just one of their last 20 matches in all competitions – too lightly? So far we know little more than that “Eden Hazard will be on the bench” – that’s according to Antonio Conte, who also said that “it is necessary to rotate”, and this:
I don’t know if there is a chance this season. But the chance to win the title last season was zero and we changed the opinion of the people. You play to do your best and to try to win every game, step by step. We are building something important in the present and also for the future.
Alvaro Morata is expected to have the night off. So who shall we see in a blue shirt? Perhaps Charly Musonda, who appeared to drop a little hint on Instagram the other day:
Elsewhere, Davide Zappacosta is expected to make his debut. Andreas Christensen could start. The truth will become clear in due course.
As for Qarabag, it’s not entirely a team of strangers. Anton Kanibolotskiy, the goalkeeper, played with Willian at Shakhtar Donetsk five seasons back. The midfielder Michel used to play for Birmingham, and was a 72nd-minute substitute in their 3-0 defeat at Stamford Bridge in January 2010. In Euro 2016 qualifying Antonio Conte’s Italy won home and away against an Azerbaijan side featuring several of the players who will play today. This Sunday will be the second anniversary of Qarabag’s only previous game in England, a 3-1 reverse against Tottenham in the Europa League group stage.
Important point of pronunciation: You don’t pronounce Qarabag carra-bag, or – and I see at the top of this page we spell it Karabakh, but it isn’t pronounced carra-bak either – you pronounce it kurra-barh, ending with the sound known to phoneticians as ʁ, or the voiced uvular fricative. However, English-speakers may find it easier and indeed more entertaining to just go with carra-bag.
Simon will be here soon, but you can catch up on Antonio Conte’s thoughts until then:
Antonio Conte is poised to rotate his players when Chelsea make their Champions League return on Tuesday night. The Premier League winners play their second of seven games in September when their Group C campaign opens against Azerbaijan’s Qarabag.
A league match at home to Arsenal follows on Sunday and Conte is not prepared to ask too much of players so early in the season. “You are never relaxed in England because you have to play a tough league and also FA Cup and also Carabao Cup,” the manager said. “Now we are starting to play the Champions League. To play 60, 65 games it’s normal but it’s not easy.
“In my past sometimes before a Champions League game you rested. In England it’s not easy to do this. When you make the decision [on selection] there is always the risk. The risk could be to play with the same players as against Leicester and then after the game: ‘Why didn’t you change the team that was tired?’
