Thanks for joining me here for this wonderfully easy game. Surely, Cardiff v Man City will be closer. Luckily, you can follow all that with the lovely Nick Ames who is back from two days of galavanting in Yeovil and Newport.
Newcastle still want Jorgensen but he might have to be a world beater if he is to make a difference to that attacking force. Rafa’s side offered almost nothing going forward whether it was with Gayle or Joselu. It will not be a fun final few months for fans watching their season.
That was all delightfully relaxing for anyone in blue. Newcastle will not be bothered about being out of the cup, let’s be honest. They tried for a bit bit one the first went in, it was all over.
Full-time: Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle
A great advertisement for walking football here at Stamford Bridge as it was rarely a contest for the majority of the game. The game was over before half-time but at least they played out the final 45 minutes for everyone. Batshuayi should get some confidence from two goals and it was a lovely free-kick from Alonso to cap it all off. Newcastle really need some new players and, if you ask their fans, a new owner.
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It’s OK, Rudiger is up and walks off following the earlier concern. Not really worth either coming back onto the pitch.
90+2 min: A nasty clash of heads between Joselu and Rudiger as they challenged for the ball. The Chelsea defender looks like he has come off worse and is out cold on the ground.
90 min: Sutton has just given Batshuayi the Man of the Match awarded as the co-comm wants to give the striker some more confidence. That’s nice. Two minutes of injury-time for us all to get through.
88 min: Batshuayi picks up a throw out the left, drops his shoulder in order to leave Saivet on his arse but Darlow stays big to stop his shot from close range.
86 min: Chelsea are passing it around because there is no need to do much else in the final few minutes. I think this has been the FA Cup’s testimonial.
Hudson-Odoi is quite good...
Here's a look at what Callum Hudson-Odoi is capable of... #CHENEW pic.twitter.com/hqQX74BtTn
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) January 28, 2018
Your dream has come true, Nate.
“Can we have a bit of Hudson-Odoi?”
83 min: Now Newcastle are making a change as Chelsea legend Atsu comes on for Hayden.
81 min: Barkley plays the ball out to Zappacosta on the right, he cuts in onto his left and fires in a shot from 25 yards, which Darlow tips over. Hudson-Odoi is now on for Pedro, so we will not get to see Fabregas in the end.
79 min: Newcastle won a corner, which is about as good as it has got for them in this half. It does not clear the first man but Murphy volleys the clearance back, alas straight at Caballero.
77 min: Jacob Murphy is coming on for Manquillo. We can assume he is not coming on at right-back. Kante off for Ampadu, too.
76 min: Now we are getting to see the return of Fabregas. Everyone is getting a runout here. It is all very slow at Stamford Bridge. I think Newcastle would accept leaving Karl Darlow with the ball for the final 15 minutes and wait it out.
74 min: Zappacosta gets his on back on Haidara for the challenge in the first-half but the left-back gets back up eventually, so no harm.
GOAL! Alonso is at again. On this occasion he lifts a free-kick up and over the wall from 20 yards, and to put the icing on the cake he curls wonderfully into the top corner. Oooooof!
GOAL! Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle (Alonso, 72)
A great free-kick from Alonso!
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70 min: Newcastle do some rare attacking as Ritchie puts in an early cross from deep but, despite good movement, Joselu just can’t get on the end of it and Chelsea manage to clear. Barkley is coming on...
68 min: Chelsea have a good spell in and around the box but neither Hazard nor Zappacosta can find anything other than a Newcastle player with their crosses. Chelsea do get a corner in the end.
66 min: Darlow is now just kicking for territory as he sends a goal-kick 70 yards up the pitch but straight out of play. There is not much up there for him to aim for in a black and white shirt, to be fair to the goalkeeper.
64 min: Joselu is coming on for Newcastle, which might result in a turnaround in fortunes for Newcastle but almost certainly will not. But we can all find out together. Obviously, Gayle is the man going off. He tried, which is the key.
62 min: The lull in the game just allows the Newcastle fans to open up their lungs and sing about their owner, Mr Michael Ashley. The words are still the same and quite negative. Will he sell up?
60 min: Newcastle win a free-kick out wide, which Shlevey bends in but it’s slow and looping, so it really isn’t too hard to clear. The visitors look like they are going through the motions now.
58 min: Hazard is called offside after he chases a pass through the middle but it turns out he was in his own half. Where’s the wonderful VAR when you need it?
56 min: Alonso once again proves how wonderful his left foot can be when he steadies himself to receive a cross from Zappacosta, and when the ball does arrive he smashes a shot which deflects off Manquillo, helping Darlow to get to the ball and palm it away.
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55 min: Gayle goes down after flicking on a pass when being challenged by Cahill. The defender catches Gayle near the ankle. Everyone shakes hands at the end and they are all friends again.
53 min: Shelvey has looked good on the ball for Newcastle today, if only they had someone ahead of him worth passing to. Clark is the next man to realise there is no one worth passing to and then shouts at Gayle as the ball heads out of play.
51 min: The tempo has certainly dropped in the half both on the pitch and in the crowd. It livens up as Newcastle clear a cross from Rudiger straight to Pedro who whips the ball over the bar from 18 yards.
49 min: If you fly on Delta you can great free wifi to use for messaging on iMessage, Facebook and something else. That is all I have found out in this half so far and that came from the hoardings.
47 min: Nothing has happened so far. Maybe both teams have accepted the result and will just save their legs. But...wait! Chris Sutton says 2-0 is a “dangerous scoreline” so it’s game on!
Kick-off
Here we go again!
The teams are back out. And all 22 players are the same as the ones who finished the first-half.
A great day for Michy stats.
10 - Michy Batshuayi is the third player to reach double figures for goals for @ChelseaFC in all competitions this season after Alvaro Morata and Eden Hazard (12 each). Prestige.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) January 28, 2018
Is there a way back for Newcastle? Probably not. But at least we will get another 45 minutes to find out. Dwight Gayle really is a Championship striker. Surely Rafa will bring someone in before the deadline.
Batshuayi is on fire (in the FA Cup).
4 - No player has scored more FA Cup goals for Chelsea under Antonio Conte than Michy Batshuayi. Fabulous. #CHENEW
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) January 28, 2018
Half-time: Chelsea 2-0 Newcastle
Newcastle looked to be Chelsea’s equals for the majority of the half but the home team have shown their quality thanks to a superb pass from Pedro to help with the first and then a clinical break, helped by the final movement of Batshuayi. Newcastle have had a few chances but Gayle has looked lost up top and he needs more support if they are to get back into the game.
45+2 min: Shelvey smashes a low shot from 25 yards, which is deflected but Caballero reacts well to push it behind. The corner also results in a great save as he gets down to palm a toe-poked shot from Mbemba.
GOAL! The combination of Hazard and Batshuayi works again as Chelsea break down the pitch with the former playing in the latter, allowing the striker to smash one at goal, Lascelles slides in to block the ball but it bounces off the defender and over the goalkeeper, looping into the net.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Newcastle (Batshuayi, 44)
A good break ends in the second.
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43 min: Chelsea set their own downfall by trying to play out the back when under pressure from a number of Newcastle players, with Drinkwater eventually being dispossessed by Shelvey who takes the ball forward and fires in a shot from 20 yards straight at Caballero.
40 min: Rudiger decides to surprise everyone by jogging up to 30 yards from goal, controlling a pass and then putting the ball onto his left foot and curling it just past the post and a despairing Darlow. That would have been a stunning goal.
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38 min: Hazard sends in a corner which Darlow gets nowhere near, the goalkeeper tries to dive at the feet of a Chelsea attacker before retreating to his goal, as his defenders clear the danger.
36 min: Gayle does well to spin Rudiger 25 yards from goal, the striker then dribbles into the box and fires a shot across Caballero but the goalkeeper gets down to it easily.
35 min: Chris Sutton claims “there’s nothing wrong with the Checkatrade Trophy”. I would beg to differ. Now they are talking about George Weah. An anecdote about Sutton naming an animal after him has emerged. Now back to the football.
33 min: Newcastle could have been back in it but Gayle fails to anticipate Haidara’s great cross into the six-yard box which bounces through as the striker fails to make any movement towards the ball.
WHAT A PASS! Pedro sends a wonderful 30-yard pass over the top for Hazard to get on the end of. He pulls the Newcastle defence apart and then lays it into his compatriot, Batshuayi, to tap into an empty net from a few yards.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Newcastle (Batshuayi, 31)
A tap in for Batshuayi.
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30 min: Drinkwater decides to prove my point by sending a 40-yard pass straight at the goalkeeper. Speed it up, Danny.
29 min: Drinkwater and Kante are not providing the dynamism needed in central midfield. Everything is looking very slow in the centre of the park, currently. Conte might be looking to make a change sooner rather than later.
27 min: Chelsea are trying to pepper the goal but Alonso and Pedro both have shots blocked inside the area. Alonso is claiming he was fouled when he took his shot but there was nothing in it.
25 min: Shelvey sends the ball out to Haidara who does very well to work some space on the wing, he then sends in a cross to the front post where Shelvey has made a run to, he diverts the ball towards the bottom corner but Caballero reacts well to send it behind.
23 min: Oh Marcos Alonso! The Spaniard tries to send a pass across the pitch but instead just thwacks the ball into the face of Hayden who is a couple of yards away. The Newcastle man hits the deck and is now receiving treatment from the medics. That has got to hurt!
21 min: Ritchie intercepts a poor pass 25 yards from goal, lays the ball into Gayle inside the area but the striker decides against shooting for some reason and instead fails to give it back to Ritchie, who was not happy with his team-mate. Newcastle need to do better in those situations.
20 min: The Newcastle fans are singing with some gusto about Mike Ashley. They want him to sell the club. I will not repeat the words here as they are not very nice - they make reference to his weight and then swear a little.
18 min: Hazard gets up off the ground but might feel like he should not have bothered as he curls the free-kick from 18 yards straight into the wall.
16 min: Mbemba slides in and gets the ball from Hazard but the referee decides it was a foul for some reason or other. The same happens again a few moments later on the edge of the box but it definitely was a foul on this occasion. The second one results in the Chelsea man being hurt and Mbemba going in the book.
15 min: Zappacosta is currently hobbling around the right-wing as he looks to rid himself of discomfort. Moses is warming up, just in case.
13 min: Zappacosta is getting some treatment to his right ankle and his sock. Haidara caught him trying to block the cross and there was certainly no malice involved.
12 min: Shelvey commits another foul, this time by just pushing Pedro over as the Spaniard tried to drive towards the box. The result was couple of crosses being sent into the box by Chelsea and Zappacosta getting a rip in his sock following a late challenge.
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10 min: Manquillo is flagged offside after receiving a long, cross-field pass. It shows that Newcastle have some intent when their right-back is being flagged.
Nate has been in touch...
“I can’t wait to hear days of media opprobrium over that Dwight Gayle dive, like we heard for Pedro and Morata.”
It was hilarious, to be fair. Will he get a ban?
8 min: Rudiger and Cahill tackle one another on the edge of the Chelsea penalty area. Cahill is stronger in the 50:50, so he gets the right to clear the ball following the confusion. Newcastle are looking good on the ball, especially when it goes out wide. Although I am not sure Gayle is the ran man to have in the box.
6 min: Hayden races down the right and sends in a very deep cross to the back post but it completely misses everyone as it heads out to the left. Chelsea win the ball back when Kante is fouled by Shelvey, much to the relief of the home fans.
4 min: Alonso sends one down the line for Batshuayi to chase but he only succeeds in passing the ball straight out of play. Newcastle counter from the throw but Gayle fails to control a Ritchie pass on the edge of the area. Gayle decides to make up for it by chucking himself down in the box.
2 min: A very mild and sunny day in that there London today. Absolutely perfect for football, as Chelsea are proving as they have not given Newcastle a kick so far.
Kick-off
Let’s get ready to rumble! And we’re off (after a rare change of ends).
Chris Sutton is on co-comms so this really is the only place to follow the game now.
The players are in the tunnel. Chelsea are showing off some jackets they are desperate to sell in the club shop, while Newcastle forget what capitalism is and instead just walk out in the shirts they plan on playing in.
The PA announcer at Stamford Bridge welcomes Newcastle winger Christian Atsu back to Chelsea, where he spent four years, had five spells out on loan and played exactly zero games for the club. WELCOME BACK CHRISTIAN!
Jenas and Hoddle give Rafa their full backing. It touch worrying that Mike Ashley is not willing to do the same with some money. Will they sign anyone before Wednesday’s deadline?
I have pre-empted Konstantin’s question here...
“do you know why David Luiz is once again left out of the squad? Do you think he’ll leave before January 31? Plus, it was really unnecessary mentioning that chicken sandwich as I’m really hungry right now.”
Conte complains that his squad is not big enough but at the time does not fancy the talented - but flawed - Luiz. My instinct is that he might try to involve him in a swap deal over the coming days.
I have just finished my sandwich and it was very tasty. Loads of garlic used in the roasting.
David Luiz is missing today for Chelsea after suffering an ankle knock in training. Is it a transfer window-related injury? Could he be on his way out of the club? We shall see.
BT are about to explain how awful Newcastle have been in the FA Cup over the years. It will not be great viewing for Geordies under the age of 70.
Conte is just telling Des Kelly about his sleep patterns. He has managed to sleep last night, which is reassuring.
Chelsea and Newcastle have enjoyed a close relationship this week as they have agreed a deal for international relations expert Kenedy to spend the rest of the season in the north-east. Will he fit in at left-back or further forward? We will not find out today as is not available.
Antonio Conte is playing a strong side as “Chelsea need to win football matches”, according to Glenn Hoddle. Not too surprising a statement there from Glenn.
Michy Batshuayi looked handy at Brighton and could be the answer to problems at Chelsea if they need a new striker, especially as Dzeko’s arrival does not look to be imminent. He just needs to add a few more goals to his repertoire.
News just in from Stamford Bridge...
Batshuayi appears to have a topknot... #cfc
— Liam Twomey (@liam_twomey) January 28, 2018
A request from Matt on Twitter...
I am not sure I can really provide such abilities to sort this. I once had a lecturer who explained that I would never need to write anything from the first half of football matches as nothing happened in them, so it would need him to be wrong for all the goals to be before the break.
Can you make the goals in the first half? I'm drunk and I'd like to sleep.
— Matt Sim (@mattiemoo87) January 28, 2018
Good news! You can get in touch with me on Twitter or via email. The details are provided above *points upwards*. Your input would be welcomed while I chomp on a chicken sandwich. I woke up at 8am to roast the chicken.
Leading the line for Newcastle today is Dwight Gayle who has scored three in 22 appearances this season and they all came in the space of four games at the end of November and the start of December, which could be the reason Newcastle want a new striker.
Obviously, there is a chance Newcastle will in the game. All they need is for something like this to happen again. Papiss Cisse is currently banging in similar goals, one assumes, at Shandong Luneng.
Rafa is not against signing a new contract at Newcastle despite the odd issue in 10. The former Liverpool boss has told Mike Ashley what he needs to do in order to get him to ink the paper.
“I told Mike what I thought about that (the contract extension),” said Benitez.
“He knows my opinion, and we don’t have to talk now. I don’t have any problem with my future. I’m really pleased to be here and I love the city, the fans, the potential, everything.
“I can give my opinion in terms of football operations. But everything is subject to the financial position of the club. I give names, have some information, feedback from (managing director) Lee Charnley, and then give my opinion.
“The main thing is that we have to be on the same page. That’s pretty simple.”
Conte does not think one can last too long as Chelsea boss. Does he have a point?
Fair play to Antonio Conte, he has put out a pretty strong team today. Barkley’s performance against Arsenal did not do enough to earn him a place in the starting line-up today, which is no surprise, although it might have been a good way to help him bed in.
Newcastle are not resting too many. Haïdara gets a chance to show what he can do at left-back in what is his first appearance of the season. It should not be too tough for him up against Hazard or Pedro...
Team news
Chelsea: Caballero; Rudiger, Christensen, Cahill ; Zappacosta, Drinkwater, Kante, Alonso; Pedro, Batshuayi, Hazard.
Subs: Eduardo, Ampadu, Moses, Fabregas, Barkley, Musonda, Hudson-Odoi.
Newcastle: Darlow, Manquillo, Mbemba, Lascelles, Clark, Haïdara; Shelvey, Saivet, Hayden, Ritchie; Gayle.
Subs: Woodman, Yedlin, Dummett, Diamé, Atsu, Murphy, Joselu.
Referee: Kevin Friend
Preamble
It’s the one they’ve all been waiting for.
Chelsea take on Newcastle in a competition the latter have little interest in and the former only do out of necessity. Who will make more changes? Whose goalkeeper will be more out of nick? These are the questions we much ask ourselves ahead of the game at Stamford Bridge.
Rafa is Newcastle’s most successful manager of the Mike Ashley era, which is not saying much as they only won three matches in the first nine years of his reign. The Spaniard has now won twice in two years since settling into the hot seat, taking Ashley to five match wins in competition, which is great news for him. Newcastle have bigger fish to fry this season, mainly the need to stay up and to sell up, so losing today will not be too bad.
Liverpool fell at home to a team struggling at the wrong end of the Premier League yesterday, so Chelsea will not want to do the same. Their chances of winning the league are non-existent and the Champions League looks a bit tricky, not to mention the fact they lost to Arsenal in the Rumbelows Cup last week, so they really need to progress beyond the fourth round today.
Will will be along shortly. Until then, read Barney Ronay:
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