Full time: Chelsea 0-3 Manchester City
Peep peep! An emphatic win for Manchester City, who were extremely good on the counter-attack and only screwed up two or three times in defence. Sergio Aguero scored a fine hat-trick, while Kevin De Bruyne played superbly on his return to Stamford Bridge. Thanks for your company, good night!
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90 min Costa forces a decent save from Hart with a curling shot. The ball rebounds to Kenedy, in front of an open goal, but he miscontrols it and he’s offside anyway.
87 min This is City’s third consecutive league win. Before this run they hadn’t even managed two straight wins since October. The injuries haven’t helped, but it still feels slightly criminal that a side this good aren’t challenging for the title.
85 min City’s final substitution: Kelechi Iheanacho replaces the almost entirely magnificent Sergio Aguero.
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83 min “Hawrite Rob!” says Ryan Dunne. “Now I might be 50% of the MBM regulars Scottish division, but one trusts the Glorious Glasgow Rangers game tomorrow will be getting an MBM? You could always come in on your day off or do it on your lunchbreak or something.”
Yep, it is as well. I wish I was doing it but I’m on the Leicester game. More of this sort of thing please! (And a red card or five.)
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81 min “Regarding Nasri’s situation, no one likes to see that,” says Ian Copestake. “But his injury is also a shame.”
AGUERO HAT-TRICK! Chelsea 0-3 Man City (Aguero 80 pen)
Asmir Begovic, the substitute keeper, replaces Mikel. Aguero is on a hat-trick and will take the penalty. He missed against PSG on Tuesday night – but he scores here, clipping it into the left corner as Begovic goes the other way. Excellent penalty.
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Fernandinho ran straight through on goal from the halfway line, beating the last man Cahill. Courtois came out to the edge of the area, Fernandinho went round him and was tripped. It was a clear penalty. I thought he might get away with a yellow card as there were some defenders getting back, but you can see why Mike Dean gave the red card.
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PENALTY TO CITY/RED CARD FOR COURTOIS
It gets worse for Chelsea.
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77 min City have declared at two, allowing Chelsea to have a bit more of the ball. Kenedy’s 20-yard shot deflects gently through to Hart.
76 min Fabian Delph replaces the limping Nasri. That looks like an injury that will rule him out of the Champions League semi-final against Cristiano Ronaldo.
75 min “Do these much needed matchday hashtags consistently work?” asks Ian Copestake. “Are there no Wanderers versus Kerala games to cause internet outrage, sackings and faux apologies?”
74 min Chelsea appeal for a penalty when De Bruyne makes a clumsy tackle on Kenedy just inside the box. Mike Dean declines the opportunity to assume the position, though that could easily have been given.
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72 min Mikel is booked for a kick at Nasri.
70 min Chelsea make a couple of substitutions: Bertrand Traore and Kenedy replace Pedro, who was excellent, and Willian.
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66 min A City substitution: Zabaleta comes off, Bacary Sagna comes on. Zabaleta was going off one way or another, though he still complains about the decision.
65 min That should have been 3-0. Aguero opened up the defence with an angled pass to Nasri, and Courtois did very well to save his sidefoot from close-range. Moments later Zabaleta, already booked, brings down Pedro on the left wing. I’m very surprised he wasn’t given a second yellow there.
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64 min I don’t know if Chelsea had Marsellus Wallace on loop in the dressing-room before the game, but they have not exactly been full of professional pride in this match.
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63 min If City can be bothered, they could win this by four or five. Azpilicueta is booked for handball on the edge of the area. The free-kick is 20 yards out, to the left of centre, and Yaya Toure is looking at the ball with love and intent. His free-kick hits the wall.
62 min “It does seem that no one Houchens or Andy Grays the ball anymore,” says Ian Copestake. “Oh and stop describing the game, mate, and publish your friends’ emails yeah?”
Internet friend!
61 min City are battering Chelsea now. Chelsea don’t seem unduly bothered. Even Diego Costa hasn’t tried to get cakey with anyone.
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60 min “When I was in school, a lad came in one day with a new, slightly outlandish haircut,” says Matt Dony. “ In an embarrassing display of mob mentality, we abused him all day. The next day he came in with a short crop, his mum had cut it for him. Although his hair had been stupid, I’ve always judged him for not sticking with it (even though it was, yknow, partly my fault). Nasri doesn’t seem like too likeable a guy, but I respect him for persisting with idiotic hair. Good man!”
The worst thing was when you received an, a-hem, erratic, post-lunch LOOK HE WAS HAMMERED OKAY haircut that could only be redeemed by a grade 1, which wasn’t really an option for a 12-year-old at Catholic school. Some lad at our school did that; he just had to wait while it grew back apparently.
57 min Nasri, Aguero and De Bruyne look so good together. Let’s not bother with the acronym though, eh.
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55 min Mind The Time When...
One moment Costa was debating whether to fall over in the City box, the next moment Aguero had scored. De Bruyne picked up the loose ball, tricked a defender and ran up to the halfway line before playing it to Nasri. He took his time and then, when Aguero was back in an onside position, slid a fine pass down the side of the defence. Aguero ran through the inside-right channel and whipped a shot across Courtois and into the far corner. That was wonderful.
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GOAL! Chelsea 0-2 Manchester City (Aguero 54)
This is a glorious counter-attacking goal.
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52 min Corner to Chelsea on the left. Willian hangs it up, Hart punches it clear.
51 min Chelsea have started this half strongly. There’s your minute-by-minute update!
50 min “Reading up on the link provided,” says Pierre Bernardi, “I see that the honey badger ‘bears more anatomical similarities to weasels’ and ‘is primarily a carnivorous species and has few natural predators because of its thick skin and ferocious defensive abilities’. I don’t know about the last bit...”
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49 min Fine play from Pedro, who dupes Zabaleta and fires a dangerous ball across the face of the six-yard box at chest height. It was crying out for a Houchen, but Loftus-Cheek tried to stretch out his right foot and could only divert it away from goal. Moments later Loftus-Cheek makes space cleverly 20 yards from goal only to batter a shot high over the bar.
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48 min Nasri is booked for embedding his studs into Gary Cahill’s foot.
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47 min Chelsea have only won five out of 16 league games at home. Four of those victories were against the bottom four. You can guess the fifth team – and if you can’t, here’s a clue: Jose Mourinho was manager at the time.
46 min Chelsea kick off from left to right. Again we go.
Half-time chit-chat
“Seeing he’s always been a bit of an aggro little so-and-so,” says Mark Jelbert, “it seems appropriate that Samir Nasri seems to have modelled his new hairdo on the ratel/honey badger, officially the world’s most aggressive animal.”
“Hope Mr. McMahon got his introduction to falafel at L’As de Falafel in the Marais,” says Ron Stack. “Hectic experience but the best falafel west of Tel Aviv.”
I know nothing about falafel, but I do know that hectic is a magnificent word.
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Half time: Chelsea 0-1 Manchester City
That was a lot of fun. A slick City were increasingly dominant and deserve to lead, even if Sergio Aguero’s goal was deflected. See you in 10 minutes!
45+1 min ... Willian wafts it into orbit.
45 min Otamendi is booked for hoofing Diego Costa up in the air. Free-kick to Chelsea, 22 yards from goal and a fair way to the right of centre...
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43 min De Bruyne invites Aguero to scamper towards goal with another penetrative through pass, but the last man Cahill makes an immaculate sliding challenge on the edge of the area. That was brilliant, not least because there would have been consequences had he missed.
42 min “Nasri does seem to have followed the new-age mantra of ‘change your hair, change your life,’” says Ian Copestake. “Unfortunately his life now seems to be lived on a council estate in the late eighties.”
41 min A quiet period. City are in control.
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39 min “What chance Aguero will be the league’s top scorer?” asks Anthony Abdool. “The weird thing is, his radar’s been off these past few games, but you can’t keep a good man down.”
You can with the right clawhammer. But yes, he is fantastic, easily the best striker in the league and probably the best player.
37 min “Greetings from Australia,” says Brian D’Costa. “A drizzle of a good quality, cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil really makes a difference, as well as some fresh basil.” Are we still talking about bruschetta or life generally?
36 min City look so much better with Nasri and particularly De Bruyne in the team. They really shouldn’t be 15/2 to win the European Cup.
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35 min “Have you tried Chiellini with prosciutto?” wonders Dr Ian Copestake. “Is divine. If almost impossible to pronounce around Guardian readers.”
GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 Manchester City (Aguero 33)
Chelsea win a corner; City score within 15 seconds. De Bruyne and Aguero broke quickly, with De Bruyne eventually returning the ball to Aguero in the D. He shifted it to his right and whipped a shot that took a decisive deflection off the stretching Cahill before spinning away from Courtois and into the bottom-right corner.
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31 min “Having watched Newcastle v Swansea purely for ‘the passion’,” says Ian Copestake, “this is a lot easier on the eye (if not on the conscience), especially with Toure doing his incisive passing thing.”
30 min Pedro’s cross is miscontrolled behind for a corner by Kolarov. It came from a good through pass in the inside-left channel from Fabregas; that’s how Chelsea destroyed City’s reserves in the FA Cup game here in February.
30 min “Shame about Dundee United – not sure what has happened to them, but it sounds upsetting,” says Charles Antaki. “May I recommend to Simon McMahon that when he turns to the solace of falafel, he be sure to make them properly, out of fava beans, and not the inferior chick peas like you get in the kebab shops?” I’m learning so much here, I can’t wait to get home and get in the kitchen.
29 min Zabaleta is booked for a late sliding tackle on Fabregas.
27 min Another chance for City! Aguero’s beautiful through ball from left to right ushers Nasri through on goal. With Courtois roaring from his line Nasri had to take it first time, and his poked shot hit Courtois. Terrific goalkeeping.
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26 min This is a richly enjoyable game, probably helped by the fact there is relatively little riding on it. You get the impression that, because of that, it’s enjoyable to play in as well. Navas nutmegs Baba Rahman deliciously and breaks into the box, but his low cross towards Aguero is cleared by Cahill.
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24 min “I hope that although you’re all reading about bruschette that you’re pronouncing them right in your heads,” says Jonny Mills. “BrusKetta. Brushetta doesn’t exist, much like a good avocado in Italy.” My ability to pronounce some foreign words correctly is almost entirely down to football and, in this case, Giorgio Chiellini.
23 min Courtois denies his Belgium chum De Bruyne. Toure split the defence with a simple straight pass – think Paul Ince to Lee Sharpe at Villa Park in 1993 – that allowed De Bruyne to scoot through on goal. He got into the area before striking a shot that hit Courtois and flew wide for a corner.
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22 min Willian’s corner from the left deflects across the box to Cahill, who hooks a bouncing ball towards goal. His shot hits Mangala and goes behind for another corner. In other news, Davie Provan is a terrific co-commentator isn’t he?
22 min “Apparently the medics didn’t think Nasri would recover until mid-May, so City didn’t take the chance on including him in a limited squad for the CL,” says Matthew Cobb. “He returned to fitness about a month sooner than expected.” Ah, fair enough. I’m happy to admit I was wrong.
21 min Here’s part one in a new series called Mind The Time When...
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19 min An excellent effort from Loftus-Cheek. He abracadabrad some space on the left of the box and hit a low left-footed shot that would probably have crept in the far corner had the diving Hart not almost imperceptibly touched it round the post. The referee gave a goal-kick.
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17 min If De Bruyne scores today, I hope he strips to his underpants in celebration. None of this fake respect nonsense.
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16 min City win a corner on the right. De Bruyne’s outswinger is headed clear by Mikel.
13 min I didn’t realise Nasri wasn’t included in City’s Champions League squad. I know they were restricted, and he was injured, but even so.
11 min Fabregas is warned by Mike Dean for a late tackle on Aguero.
9 min Costa has a goal disallowed for offside. It was the right decision. Baba Rahman harassed Navas down the Chelsea left and sent the ball through to Costa. He chipped Hart confidently but the insouciant manner in which he did so suggested he knew he was offside.
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7 min This has been a triffic start. De Bruyne forces a plunging save from Courtois at one end, and then Zabaleta does well to clear a dangerous pass across the area.
6 min Otamendi redeems his own cock-up by clearing off the line. He allowed a long, swirling pass from the right bounce through to Costa, who tried to wriggle away from Hart. The ball broke to the edge of the area, where Pedro drove a shot through Hart. Otamendi was waiting on the line to hoof it clear.
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5 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I recently discovered falafel whilst in Paris. Very nice it was too. Kinda made my year. I’m going to try and make them myself. Maybe have a falafel party on cup final day. Sorry, but this is what you’re reduced to when you support Dundee United.”
Falafel. The hipsters got to you as well. Falafel indeed.
4 min A goal-saving block from Gary Cahill. Navas and De Bruyne sliced Chelsea open with two excellent first-time passes, the latter a cutback from De Bruyne to Aguero. He was eight yards from goal, with Courtois out of the game, and his sidefoot was blocked by Cahill.
2 min A little shout-out to Kenya’s No1 MBM fan, Timothy Kipkirui Korir.
1 min Pip pip! City, in their lime green away kit, get things going from left to right. Chelsea are in blue.
“Bruschetta doesn’t work with just any old toast, though,” writes Nigell Mark Turner. “As The Guardian’s very own Nigel Slater pointed out as far back as 2002... ‘...Bruschetta will have a rough, crisp surface imbued with the merest hint of garlic. It will be lightly charred at the crusts, and beyond the initial crispness, soft inside, chewy, with a faint yeasty sourness.’”
The rest of the boys get their run-out! #CMONCITY #cfcvcity #mcfc pic.twitter.com/glEGElCB5c
— Manchester City FC (@MCFC) April 16, 2016
Team news
Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Cahill, Ivanovic, Baba Rahman; Mikel, Fabregas; Willian, Loftus-Cheek, Pedro; Diego Costa.
Subs: Begovic, Miazga, Matic, Kenedy, Traore, Pato, Falcao.
Manchester City (4-2-3-1) Hart; Zabaleta, Otamendi, Mangala, Kolarov; Fernandinho, Toure; Navas, De Bruyne, Nasri; Aguero.
Subs: Caballero, Sagna, Demichelis, Fernando, Delph, Bony, Iheanacho.
Referee: Mike Dean.
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Preamble Hello. What were you doing at 8.59am on 17 June 2015? Perhaps you were eating an avocado bruschetta. The way to make that, I’m told, is to halve the avocado; scoop the flesh into a bowl, along with the lime juice, then mash roughly, using a fork, and season to taste. Spread clumpingly on each waiting piece of toast and sprinkle with the parsley.
Yes, perhaps you were doing that. Whatever you were doing, you were surely aware of the announcement of the Premier League fixtures for 2015-16. Upon perusing those fixtures, you doubtless noticed that Chelsea and Manchester City were scheduled to meet in the middle of April. Like millions of others, you probably came to the conclusion that it would be a title decider.
Kick off is at 5.30pm.
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