So, there we go. Bayern are really very good indeed, far too good for any English team. They absolutely rousted Chelsea in the first half with Tolisso and Sanches especially good in midfield and Ribery and James also lively. Chelsea fought hard after the break, though ought really to have conceded more than they did, and will certainly be the better for the game. Bye!
Full-time: Bayern Munich 3-2 Chelsea
That was a very good game.
90+3 min Chelsea have been better since half-time, though it’s also fair to note that Bayern have still created the better chances despite making all manner of change.
90+2 min “As much as anything, the Alonso/Fabregas/Kante/Moses line will be exposed,” reckons Matt Loten. “Bakayoko could be key. New wing-backs required.”
Conte is definitely forcing teams to attack in wide areas; I wonder if any will chance two strikers, as Jose Mourinho did to good effect last season.
90 min There shall be four added minutes.
89 min “Not arguing whether Chelsea would lose or not,” emails George Trevers, “but wouldn’t serial winner and Champions League final scorer Pedro not count as proven elite player?”
Yeah, fair enough; I left him out because he proved it in a very different team and I’d be surprised if he ever looks it again. But yes, I suppose he is.
87 min Batshuayi and Fabregas depart; Baker and Pasalic arrive.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-3 Bayern Munich (Batshuayi, 87)
Chelsea win a corner down the left which Fabregas snaps to the near post. There, Morata does his best to impart the flick-on but Wintzheimer gets there first, the ball flies across the face of goal, and Batshuayi taps home.
Updated
85 min Alvaro Morata definitely has a reddish tint in his hair.
Updated
82 min So, how will Chelsea do in Europe this season? My guess, not based on what we’ve seen today, is that they’ll lose to the first serious team they play. Hazard is their only proven elite player, and even if Luiz and Kante prove to be to, that probably won’t be enough to beat the best.
80 min Changes for Bayern: off go Muller and Ribery, who’ve been excellent, and on come Dorsc and Wintzheimer.
Updated
78 min Tomori replaces Alonso, who’s had a taxing evening. Moses goes over to the left so that he might ensconce on the right.
77 min Coman appears on the left and sends a cut-back into the path of Sanches, just outside the box, who lashes a shot just wide of the near post.
77 min Batshuayi turns on the ball and using Martinez as a screen, tries a low curler, aimed towards the far corner ... it finishes just wide.
75 min A water break.
74 min Coman escapes down the right so Alonso pulls him back. It looks as though he’ll be getting booked, but it’s unclear whether or not he actually does.
73 min Luiz, given time outside the box, tires one of those instep golf shots; it takes a deflection and curls into the foot of the far post.
72 min Ball into Batshuayi, who lays of for Willian; he whacks a shot high, then blames the pass for being too heavy.
Updated
72 min Chelsea got absolutely battered by Munich in a European Cup final, then beat them on penalties, in their own ground. That will never stop being hilarious.
69 min Lovely from Ribery, picking up possession outside the box, dead centre, backheeling to himself to lose Fabregas, accelerating away from Azpilicueta and waiting for Moses to arrive before sliding into the path of James, now in front of goal. He shoots quickly, but Courtois saves with his foot.
67 min Chelsea look to have an opportunity when the ball breaks for Alonso in the box, but Martinez is in quickly and suddenly, as Coman streaks away, it’s 4 v 3. But the pass to spread the play is stood up to reach the other flank, giving the defenders time to regroup, and then Ribery doesn’t read James’ ball down the line. So he checks back, his cross is cleared, and James shoots wide.
66 min Ah, there we go. Pantovic is on for Tolisso and Gotze is on for Rafinha.
65 min Bayern have made two changes, but no one has quite said who for whom.
64 min No further questions yer honour.
🎥 @FranckRibery runs the length of the pitch before feeding it through to @jamesdrodriguez, but the Colombian's shot is blocked. #CFCFCB 1-3 pic.twitter.com/2avmx8HLWU
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) July 25, 2017
64 min Ch-ch changes for Chelsea: Christensen and Boga depart, Luiz and Morata arrive.
62 min If Chelsea get out of this with a two or three-goal defeat they can consider that a touch. Again, Coman stretches them down the right and lays back, for Sanches to welt over the top.
60 min Ribery charges through midfield and with four defenders drawn into the middle, slips right for either James or Coman. James arrives first but in the time it takes him to open up a left-footed finish, Cahill slides in to block.
59 min Alonso swings his boot at the ball wide on the left, but Martinez clears easily enough. So Fabregas tries a dink into the box only to discover that Rafinha is having no such thing, arriving before Batshuayi to get rid.
57 min Ribery finds Freidl out on the left, who crosses well - “cultured”, reckons Keith Andrews - and James, whose movement has been excellent today, arrives to meet it, thumping a header just wide. He should’ve scored and he knows it.
56 min Coman injects some pace to skirt around Alonso with dismissive ease before clipping a cross back to the edge of the box. Ribery watches is come down, adjusts his body, and shmices over the bar.
55 min Ribery and Freidl combine to turn Chelsea’s right flank, but Azpilicueta hares back to rob the latter.
53 min Bayern are so clever at knowing when to press, and at making sure they all do it together. In one such move, Ribery forces Courtois to shank a kick into touch.
51 min Willian eases past Freidl so out of nowhere comes James Rodriguez! I know! He slides alongside and toe-ends the ball away like you can’t believe!
50 min Tolisso tries a shot from distance; I’ve no idea where the ball ended up. He’s been great though, composed, quick and clever.
Updated
48 min Carlo Ancelotti is looking trim. Chelsea are defending much deeper now, and Moses and Alonso aren’t ahead of the ball all the time, also squeezing in when things are going down on the opposite flank.
46 min It looks like James is now behind Muller, with Coman out wide.
46 min Bayern kick-off and have made two changes: Fruchtl and his four straight consonants for Starke, and Coman for Lewandowski.
There are loads of Chelsea players warming up on the pitch. Brace, brace.
Half-time: Chelsea 1-3 Bayern Munich
That was pretty fun, actually.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-3 Bayern Munich (Alonso, 45+3)
Chelsea have been much improved since the water break, and Willian does well to find Moses, banging outside him. His low cross is a good one, but Batshuayi goes just too early and it slides behind him. No matter; Alonso is backing up to smash a livener across Starke.
Updated
45+2 min Lovely from James, pausing before slipping a ball between Alonso and Cahill for Rafinha to run onto. He catches up with it, just, and his cross is blocked behind; the corner comes to nothing.
45 min There shall be three additional minutes.
45 min Nice from Sanches, bursting into space at inside-right before losing the ball, chasing Alonso hard, and upending him.
44 min Chelsea are coming now, and after Fabregas has a cross blocked behind, Willian picks out Cahill with the corner. From a standing start, he can only guide a header wide of the far post.
43 min Batshuyai finds space just outside the box and drives low towards the near post, but Starke is able to shovel wide without serious difficulty.
42 min Better from Chelsea, Boga finding Batshuayi, who moves wide towards Willian. He then lifts ball into the box on the other side, from where Alonso fires wide.
41 min Chelsea are getting a bit more of the ball now, but so far haven’t crafted a serious opening.
39 min Chelsea are looking to miss out midfield now, and get the ball forward quickly. Basically, they have a man less in midfield and Fabregas, brilliant though his vision is, also can’t compete physically.
37 min Boga runs by Martinez so Sanches charges after him, adjudged to have bundled him to the ground. Willian duly drills the free-kick into the wall.
36 min The possession stats stand at 32-68 in favour of Bayern, now that you ask. Anyway, Rafinha advances and flicks a pass into space for Muller, running behind the defence; Cahill spots the ruse and averts the danger.
35 min Gary Cahill has got this sorted, rattling Tolisso with a captain’s challenge. Stand-by for the comeback.
33 min Fabregas lifts one forward for Boga, in behind Martinez who’s caught under the ball. But in the time that it takes to drop, Starke charges him and blocks his poke to safety.
32 min Do German clubs have the most bantorious Twitter accounts?
3-0. Guess who? 😜 #Müllered #CFCFCB 0-2 pic.twitter.com/RBLQKk59P8
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) July 25, 2017
30 min A water break.
29 min Moses is several hours late on Freidl, who knocks the ball sideways and wears all of yerman’s weight on his ankle. Moses is booked.
Updated
GOAL! Chelsea 0-3 Bayern Munich (Muller, 27)
This could get silly. Bayern break, and Muller carries the ball over halfway; Chelsea have far too many men ahead of the play, and with Lewandowski distracting the defence with a run across it, Muller whacks a sidefooted curler from 25 yards which fizzes past Courtois. Very nice indeed, was that.
Updated
25 min Ribery steps on the gas and streaks clear towards the Chelsea box. Christensen gets over to him and holds him up, then Kane arrives to snap in with a challenge.
25 min I wonder if, given Pedro’s injury, Willian will play more, or Conte will look for someone who runs away from the ball rather than with it to replace him.
25 min Willian plays a one-two off Boga and has Moses outside him, but from 20 yards opts to shoot, pulling an effort wide of the far post.
24 min Chelsea string some passes together, so Tolisso intervenes. He’s playing very well, as is Sanches.
22 min Tolisso bursts through midfield and finds Rafinha outside him; his cross is headed clear, but Ribery picks up possession only to be unloaded by Fabregas.
21 min If only Chelsea had kept Josh McEachran.
20 min Chelsea look clueless, not a sentence I supposed to type. On the other hand, it’s a while since they played a team as good as Bayern.
18 min Lovely from Bayern, Sanches snapping into a challenge with Fabregas and somehow emerging unscathed before finding Lewandowki square to his left. Quickly the ball moves to Ribery, who lifts a cross to the back post where James is waiting. He shapes to attack it with his left foot, but can only pass a volley over the top.
17 min “Just to clarify, when I say he wasn’t shown patience, I too meant in the sense that he was never given a run of games, rather than how long United kept him around,” clarifies Matt Loten. “A couple of indifferent performances and he was back on the bench. Of course, when you have Scholes and Carrick jostling for your position, it’s hardly surprising.”
It wasn’t even a form thing - Fergie rotated like a hyperactive infant given a fingerspinner, which didn’t suit everyone.
16 min Ribery bursts away from Fabregas in centre-field, so the enforcer brings him down.
14 min Chelsea are in for a hiding here if they don’t get themselves sorted. The tournament has been a “sensational success”, reckons my commentator.
GOAL! Chelsea 0-2 Bayern Munich (Muller, 12)
Ribery eases down the left and skips outside Azpilicueta with joyous ease before flipping one to the back post. Fabregas has chugged back and does his best to intervene, but Muller brooks no disturbance, punching home a volley with his instep.
Updated
11 min Like Roxette, Bayern look sharp, and Tolisso sends a straight pass forward, finding Lewandowski. Muller’s run off the ball opens space for him, but Azpilicueta nips back to challenge.
Updated
9 min “I think Sanches is the classic case of ‘too much, too soon’,” emails Matt Loten. “He made the move to one of the world’s biggest clubs too early in his career. He’s a brilliant talent, but raw and erratic; he will simply not get the chance at Bayern to make mistakes and learn his trade. He reminds me of Anderson, who had all the ingredients to be one of the best players in the world (and had quite a similar playing style to Sanches), but he went to United before he was even close to the finished article and was never going to be given the patience necessary to develop. Of course, Sanches will have to go some to squander his talent in the same fashion as Anderson, but he needs to go and play football consistently for a couple of seasons.”
Not sure I agree about Anderson - he was shown patience, but was never given the run of games he needed, or got injured when he was in the process of earning one. He also didn’t look after himself properly.
GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 Bayern Munich (Rafinha, 6)
Munich switch the play well, Tolisso hitting a long pass to Rafinha, moving forward at inside-right. No one bothers to challenge, so he looks up and lashes a low shot from 20 yards that Courtois should stop but doesn’t; it winds up in the far corner. Imaginatively, the DJ fires up Seven Nation Army, and Bayern celebrate with indecent gusto.
Updated
5 min Hummels tries an outside of the footer into the box, looking for Lewandowski. But Azpilicueta is there to head away.
4 min Muller is playing just off Lewandowski with James on the right.
3 min Cesc “Gently-strokes-yer-legs” Fabregas leaves one on Sanches, who rubs his ankle for a while.
2 min Willian spreads wide to Alonso and eventually a low cross comes in, which Starke humps clear.
1 min Kante snaps into his first challenge and sets Batshuayi off over halfway, Willian up alongside him. But the pitch is playing slowly and he’s quickly crowded out.
1 min Chelsea set us away.
The players are shaking hands. The Chelsea ones have no names on their shirts.
“This booming part of the footballing universe ... commercial aspects to the fore” says my commentator.
Out come the teams...
So what is it with Sanches? Why can he not get a game? I’ve heard it said that his style doesn’t suit Bayern’s short-passing game, but surely any squad is enhanced by a player able to run past men in the middle of the pitch?
Willy Sagnol talks about a “half-team” due to lots of injuries. Poor old Renato.
It’ll be interesting to see how James does this season. Presumably he’ll be brilliant in the league, but whether he can get it did in Europe is another question.
As for Bayern, Renato Sanches appears to have earned himself a berth, presumably because he’s been brilliant in training and not because they’re desperate to shift him. Otherwise, Tolisso plays and so does James.
Other notable aspects: I’m looking forward to seeing how Andreas Christensen does; he was excellent for Gladbach and has earned himself a go at Chelsea. Jeremie Boga, meanwhile, did very well against Arsenal , so it’ll be interesting to see what goes on here.
Now that you ask: Manchester United’s Alvaro Morata is on the bench for Chelsea.
Teams!
Chelsea: Courtois; Azpilicueta, Christensen, Cahill; Moses, Kante, Fabregas, Alonso; Willian, Boga; Batshuayi. Subs: Everyone else.
Bayern Munich: Starke; Rafinha, Martinez, Hummels, Freidl; Sanches, Tolisso; Ribery, James, Muller; Lewandowski. Subs: The rest.
Updated
Preamble
Let’s be real: we’re all poorly, so we’re all lonely, so we’re all here. We want the finest football available to humanity. We want it here and we want it now.
But failing that we’ll take any old football, so: here is any old football. Football football football football. Roll it around your tongue, feel its glorious metre, measure, cadence, rhythm, beat, lilt and any other word omitted from this august list. Oh football! Us 4 Football 4 Eva!
Shortly, Chelsea and Bayern Munich will play one another.
Kick-off: 12.35pmBST
