FULL TIME: Chelsea 5-1 Newcastle United
Steve McClaren thought we’d know how this game would go after 20 minutes. He was only 11 off. This was over by minute nine. Chelsea were very impressive tonight, and you’d say a corner’s definitely been turned. They’re up to 12th, and still unbeaten under Guus Hiddink. Newcastle were a rabble, though, and deservedly drop into the relegation places, below Norwich City on goal difference. They’ve now got the best part of three weeks off. Time to sort a few problems out. They’ll need to do that, and fast, because tonight’s display was relegation form. A good thing they’re a lot better at home than they are on the road.
Updated
90 min +2: Doumbia tries to break down the inside-right channel, but his bustling run is checked by Cahill.
90 min +1: There will be three added minutes. The first elapses without incident. “Loftus-Cheek has to wonder what he has to do to get a game,” begins Scott Stricker. “When Chelsea were terrible he couldn’t get a game. Now, they are back in form having been winning comfortably in a meaningless game against a woeful Newcastle and he gets ten minutes. Time to move on?” Perhaps. For some reason he always gives me a Campag Velocet earworm. That Loftus-Cheek’s real neat.
GOAL! Chelsea 5-1 Newcastle United (Townsend 90)
A wonderful solo effort from Townsend, who makes off down the inside-right channel, cuts inside, and to the right of the D unleashes an unstoppable effort into the bottom right! Under any other circumstance, he’d be wheeling away in celebration, but he just trudges back upfield shaking his head.
87 min: It should be six. A long pass floated down the inside-right channel by quarterback Fabregas releases Hazard into the area. He must score, but can’t quite get the ball out from under his feet, and squirts it inches wide of the right-hand post from six yards.
85 min: Newcastle stroke it around the back for a while, hoping to run down as much of the clock as possible. Chelsea don’t seem too fussed about pressing them. Their work was done 75 minutes ago.
GOAL! Chelsea 5-0 Newcastle United (Traore 83)
Suddenly Chelsea spring into life! Azpilicueta exchanges passes with Hazard, and he’s free down the right. He whips a low ball towards Traore, rushing in at the near post. Traore sidefoots powerfully into the bottom right, and that’s his first goal in Chelsea blue! Newcastle are on the end of another away-day tonking.
Updated
82 min: Both teams would pack up and go home now, given the choice. Everyone’s wandering around at testimonial pace. Who can blame them?
80 min: Loftus-Cheek comes on for Willian.
79 min: Hazard makes off down the right, and pulls inside for Traore, whose shot from the edge of the box is blocked. Rahman, coming in from the left, blazes over with a very ambitious effort.
77 min: Sissoko romps into a huge gap in the midfield. Newcastle work the ball well on the left. Colback chips a cute ball into the mixer for Doumbia, forcing Ivanovic to step across and head out for a corner on the left. Courtois claims, and throws long to Willian on the right. Up the other end, Willian looks for Pedro in the middle, but Taylor is on hand to head clear.
74 min: Traore dribbles around in the Newcastle area on the left. He’s shoved in the back, bar-room style, by Taylor. If Traore was a bit more cynical there, he could easily have gone down to claim a penalty. But he stayed honest, and it stays 4-0.
72 min: Pedro scored on nine minutes thanks to a slack square pass by Aarons. Standing in the very same spot of the pitch, he returns the favour by gifting the ball to Doumbia. A chance for Newcastle to advance on the Chelsea goal, two on one, but Doumbia’s first touch is woeful, and the opportunity is gone.
70 min: Seydou Doumbia comes on to make his Newcastle debut, replacing Mitrovic.
69 min: Willian, deep on the Chelsea left, rolls a diagonal ball into the Newcastle box. Aarons needlessly plays the ball out for a corner, with nobody around him. From the set piece, Townsend batters into the back of Willian, a free kick that’s as good as a corner. The ball’s worked into the box, where Fabregas and Traore play a couple of one-twos. They can’t prise Newcastle open this time.
66 min: Tiote is replaced by Jamaal Lascelles. Just before he was replaced, Tiote was involved in an innocent 50-50 with Willian, the Chelsea winger coming off worse. Willian requires a bit of treatment, but looks as though he’ll be OK to continue. It was really nothing.
65 min: Chelsea knock it around the middle of the park in the pre-season style.
63 min: Corner for Chelsea on the right. Elliot claims easily enough. He’s got nobody to throw upfield to. Newcastle are in full damage-limitation mode right now.
62 min: Shelvey boots Fabregas up the arse in the comic-book style. He’s booked, and has the good grace not to complain. From the free kick, Pedro finds a little space down the left. His low cross heads towards Azpilicueta by the far post. Aarons should cut it out, but misses. Azpilicueta should do better than shank his shot from close range.
60 min: Bertrand Traore comes on for Diego Costa.
GOAL! Chelsea 4-0 Newcastle United (Pedro 59)
So much for Newcastle getting back into the game. Fabregas, in the centre circle, quarterbacks a high pass down the inside-left channel. Taylor should clear, but jumps under it, allowing Pedro to scamper clear and slot home into the bottom right. So simple. Newcastle are a terrible mess.
Updated
58 min: A great chance for Newcastle to get back into this game (well, y’know). Janmaat burns down the right, his cross is shanked by Cahill, and lands at the feet of Mitrovic, to the right of the D. He takes a touch, and squirts a low shot wide left. He should at least have made the keeper work.
56 min: Costa slides Willian into space on the right of the Newcastle box. He drops a shoulder to zip past Aarons and fires into the centre. Newcastle only half clear. The ball breaks to Pedro, 12 yards from goal, a little to the left. The ball sticks under his feet, the chance gone. A suggestion that Colback might have had a cheeky tug on Pedro there. But no penalty. Chelsea have definitely gone up a gear.
Updated
55 min: Time for Azpilicueta down the right. He curls one to Costa, on the penalty spot with his back to goal. Costa’s overhead kick goes straight down the throat of Elliot, and he was offside anyway. But we weren’t far away from something quite special there. Chelsea have woken up after a cold start to the half.
54 min: Costa busies himself down the right and earns the hosts a corner. From the set piece, there’s a kerfuffle by the near post. Matic really should be having a whack at a loose ball from the right-hand corner of the six-yard box, but attempts a back-heel into the centre instead. Shelvey clears.
52 min: Newcastle have been the better side since the restart. Townsend twists and turns down the right and curls a low ball in for Shelvey, who tries to sidefoot home from eight yards but has his shot blocked by Cahill. From the corner, Cahill slices into the air and Courtois claims. A fortunate way to end a period of pressure from the visitors.
50 min: One corner leads to another for Newcastle, and a half-chance for Shelvey to shoot from distance. He can’t take it.
48 min: ... and go up the other end through Sissoko down the right. He fizzes a ball through the six-yard box. Azpilicueta is forced to sidefoot out of play to the left of goal. Mitrovic would have been charging in there, but Fabregas had stamped on the back of his ankle in the build-up. That was just inside the area, and should have been a penalty. You could make a case for Fabregas walking, too. Certainly a yellow at least. But the referee didn’t see it, and the Chelsea midfielder got away with one there.
47 min: Costa sends Hazard into space down the right. Hazard waits for Shelvey to arrive, simply to sell him a dummy. The cross finds Costa on the spot, but the ball gets stuck under the striker’s feet. Newcastle clear ...
And we're off again!
Newcastle make a change: the out-of-form Wijnaldum, the side’s leading scorer, makes way for Jack Colback. Chelsea get the ball rolling again. Meanwhile a surname-withholding chap called Steve would like to take issue with my pre-match description of Newcastle’s kit as “classic”. Which, as you will see, is fair enough: “Traditional? Has Ashley sold the stripes off their back? Talking of kits, I can never hear the name Steven Taylor without being reminded of the photo caption in this very old piece from the Daily Mash.”
Half-time entertainment: A Second Division match between these clubs in 1984, featuring Kevin Keegan, Terry McDermott, Pat Nevin, David Speedie, Peter Beardsley and Chris Waddle. The Second Division! Different times.
HALF TIME: Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle United
Nothing comes from the set piece, and that’s that for the first half. We’re only halfway through, but this is over. Chelsea have been as brilliant as Newcastle were woeful. Chelsea’s march back to the top half of the table continues; as things stand, Newcastle are slipping into the relegation zone, behind Norwich City on goal difference. They’ll need to keep it tight in the second half, at the very least.
45 min +1: The first of two added minutes sees Willian cut inside from the left and get bundled over by Sissoko. A free kick just outside the area, to the left of the D. Willian gets up and takes himself. He chips it over the wall and towards the bottom left. Elliot gets across to palm out for a corner.
45 min: Shelvey has a blast from distance, but his shot is deflected wide right. Janmaat tries to keep the move going - if Newcastle get a goal here, they’d at least have a little hope - but Rahman holds firm and clears. Fine defending.
43 min: Janmaat comes through the back of Hazard, with the Chelsea player going nowhere. It’s a pointless challenge. He should go in the book, really, but the referee shows a bit of sympathy. Hazard needs a little love and attention, but it looks as though he’ll be OK to continue.
41 min: Townsend embarks on a determined run down the left. But he’s only got Mitrovic in the box to aim for, and his cross is headed clear easily enough by Cahill. With competition a pipe dream, Stamford Bridge has fallen quiet, bar the away fans, who are in impressively defiant mood.
38 min: Terry has injured his right knee upon landing awkwardly after a tussle with his pal Mitrovic. He hobbles off, and Rahman comes on in his place.
Updated
37 min: Shelvey has been Newcastle’s best player - not a high bar, admittedly - but he’s at fault here. He plays a loose pass back to Coloccini, and Pedro nips in. He’s two on one with Costa to his left. He opts to shoot for the bottom right instead of laying off to Costa for a certain goal, and a poor effort is blocked. It should have been four.
35 min: But this is much, much better from Newcastle. Shelvey rakes a pass down the right for Janmaat to chase. The full back does very well to reach the ball near the byline, and hooks it into the middle. Wijnaldum, on the penalty spot, shapes like Zidane and attempts to lash a volley home. He connects, but only softly, and the ball’s straight at Courtois, who gathers. But that would have been some goal.
34 min: Chelsea might be three goals to the good, with the three points almost certainly in the bag already, but they’re chasing down everything. Newcastle are struggling to retain possession because Costa, Hazard, Pedro and Willian are right up in their grilles.
32 min: Ivanovic and Costa can’t quite combine down the right, but win a corner with a deflection anyway. Willian takes. Terry, at the near post, flicks on, but Taylor gets ahead of Costa. Another corner. And the pressure’s off, Costa penalised for Costa-isms in the six-yard box.
30 min: Pedro sends Hazard into acres down the left. Hazard’s cross from near the corner flag should find Pedro again, just inside the area, but Fabregas gets in his way. Everyone wants a piece of the action.
27 min: Hazard glides down the right and into the Newcastle box. He’s got Costa in the middle screaming for the ball, but tries to round Tiote to work space for a shot himself, and runs it out of play.
26 min: ... Ivanovic wins a header ten yards out, and sends it towards the top right. Fortunately for Newcastle, Tiote is on the line to head clear.
25 min: Azpilicueta slips a pass down the left to send Pedro into space. The ball’s cut back to Ivanovic, racing in from the other wing. He shoots, but his shot is blocked right for a corner. From which...
23 min: Mitrovic might be losing the rag already. He’s gone nose to nose with Terry, the pair having tangled in the robust style. The referee has a word with them both, possibly with reference to the dates on their birth certificates.
21 min: Taylor plays a heavy pass-back down the Chelsea inside-left. That’s abysmal. Elliot hacks clear, but only a nanosecond before Costa arrives on the scene to slide in. Newcastle are awarded a free kick, but on another day that could have been goal number four.
20 min: “The first 20 minutes will be key. We’ll know by then which way this game will go. We’ve got to come here and defend very well. Their front five is very quick, and on the counter attack they’ll cause problems.” In fairness to Steve McClaren, his pre-match analysis was pretty much spot on.
19 min: Taylor rugby tackles Costa as the striker makes off down the left. He goes in the book. Poor Newcastle. Panic is beginning to set in.
GOAL! Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle United (Willian 17)
Newcastle’s defence is a risible shambles. Costa beats Coloccini in a foot race down the inside-right channel. He checks on the edge of the box and waits for Willian, who is coming in from the left. Taylor, the only man in the middle, watches in impotent horror as Costa rolls a pass into Willian’s path. Willian slots home with a simple sidefoot. A brilliant counter-attack, of course, but Newcastle are all over the shop.
Updated
15 min: A free kick out on the left for Newcastle. Shelvey swings it deep. Sissoko rises at the far post, but can’t connect properly with his header. Shelvey’s been the busiest player on the park so far. Penny for his thoughts when his team conceded those fairly simple goals.
13 min: It’s not as though Newcastle haven’t turned up at all. Wijnaldum cuts in from the right, swaps passes with Sissoko and Mitrovic, and very nearly makes space on the edge of the box for a shot. He’s crowded out of it, but that was a decent run, and some pretty football. They’re showing ambition in attack.
11 min: Again Newcastle respond well to conceding, and again it’s Shelvey who’s in the thick of it. He exchanges passes down the left and has a belt from 20 yards. It deflectes off Fabregas and out for a corner. Shelvey takes, Courtois claims. Shelvey is doing his best, but several of his number look shell-shocked. This is quite a start by Chelsea. Steve McClaren said we’d need 20 minutes to see how things are likely to pan out. Turns out we needed less than half that.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Newcastle United (Pedro 9)
Shelvey’s delivery to the near post is appalling. Courtois gathers. Chelsea hit it long down the right. Costa challenges with Aarons on the Chelsea right, by the centre circle. He loses the battle, but Aarons plays a preposterous square pass inside, a hospital ball for Taylor. Pedro is on it in a flash, and he’s clear on goal! And he smacks it into the bottom left from distance, taking it early, and surprising Elliot. A brilliant finish, but what on earth was Aarons thinking?
Updated
8 min: A decent enough response to going behind by Newcastle, with Shelvey already everywhere, prompting, harrying, passing. He creams a pass down the left to release Townsend into space. Eventually a free kick, which is as good as a corner, is earned. Newcastle load the box, and Shelvey will take.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Newcastle United (Costa 5)
Well this was coming, and it was simple enough. Willian bursts down the inside-right channel. He slides a ball forward for Costa, who has half a yard on Taylor as he enters the box. Elliot comes off his line to close the angle, but it’s no good: Costa, at full stretch, toe-pokes the ball past the keeper and into the bottom left in slow motion. What a start for the hosts, who are slowly feeling their way back into form.
Updated
4 min: Tiote clatters Fabregas as the Chelsea midfielder probes down the right. Another free kick, another chance for Chelsea to test this defence early on. Willian loops the set piece into the box. The ever-busy Shelvey is the first to meet it, and clears.
2 min: A free kick for Chelsea in the midfield. Fabregas hits it into the mixer. It’s half cleared. Matic, to the right of the D, lashes a snapshot wide right under pressure from Shelvey. A bright enough start by the hosts, testing a rickety defence early doors.
And we're off!
Newcastle get the ball rolling. It goes back to Elliot. Hoof. Cahill ushers it back to Courtois. Hoick. The only way is up!
The teams are out! It’s an aesthetic pleasure, with both teams able to wear their classic first-choice colours. Chelsea in royal blue, Newcastle in black and white. A roaring atmosphere at Stamford Bridge. Some fireworks, too, and a blast of the Harry J All Stars of course. We’ll be off in a minute!
And now it’s Steve McClaren’s turn. “We need to replicate last week’s performance against West Brom. The first 20 minutes will be key. We’ll know by then which way this game will go. We’ve got to come here and defend very well. Their front five is very quick, and on the counter attack they’ll cause problems. Defensively we’re not as strong as we normally are. We have to keep the ball enough to have some effect.” This all reads quite flat on the page, but in fairness he seemed fairly chipper, and certainly perked up when the potential of Andros Townsend and Jonjo Shelvey was raised. Shelvey of course has already played here this season, a member of the Swansea City team that impressed so much on the opening weekend.
Guus Hiddink speaks! “We have been unfortunate with Kurt Zouma, but are confident that Gary Cahill will come in and do his job. Eden Hazard is starting for the first time in a long time, and Pedro is also starting now. Oscar had a slight problem in his calf. Nothing serious. The changes are not with the upcoming Champions League in mind: I make the changes because I have options and I can. We take this league, and our opponent, seriously. Newcastle will be a tough opponent, they have got some good players to go to their club.”
Three changes to the Chelsea starting XI against Manchester United last week: Gary Cahill, Pedro and Eden Hazard come in for Kurt Zouma, Oscar and John-Obi Mikel.
No changes whatsoever to the Newcastle United side that set out to beat West Bromwich Albion last weekend. Hey, if it ain’t broke.
Tonight's teams
Chelsea: Courtois, Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry, Azpilicueta, Fabregas, Matic, Pedro, Willian, Hazard, Costa.
Subs: Begovic, Baba, Mikel, Traore, Kenedy, Remy, Loftus-Cheek.
Newcastle United: Elliot, Janmaat, Taylor, Coloccini, Aarons, Shelvey, Tiote, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Townsend, Mitrovic.
Subs: Colback, Lascelles, Perez, Saivet, Darlow, Doumbia, Riviere.
Referee: Roger East (Wiltshire).
Good evening!
Chelsea, so uncharacteristically, have had their struggles at Stamford Bridge this season. Usually a machine at home, they’ve shed points against Swansea City, Crystal Palace, Southampton, Liverpool, Bournemouth, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, Everton and Manchester United. They’ve not won a league match here since December 19 against Sunderland; they’ve only won two league matches here since the middle of October. It’s an astonishing run. Very strange.
They’ll roll the red carpet out for Newcastle United, then. The relegation-haunted Magpies have been shambolic on the road this season. More polite house guests you could not wish for. They’ve lost their last five away games on the bounce. This term, they’ve been thrashed 3-0 at Everton, 5-1 at Palace, and 6-1 at Manchester City. They’ve only scored five times on the road all season. Then again, two of those came against title-chasing Tottenham, who were seen off at White Hart Lane. It’s a strange season all right.
Newcastle tend to play better against the bigger clubs, so they’ll not go into this match completely without hope. And they’ve not got another game after this one for nearly three weeks, as they’re out of the FA Cup and their next opponents, Manchester City, have a League Cup final commitment. So they can really give this one wellie. On the other hand, Steve McClaren’s side are as inconsistent as they come, Guus Hiddink has got Chelsea heading in the right direction again, and should Newcastle lose, 18 days is an awfully long time to sulk before getting a chance to put things right. They’ll be desperate to break their losing run on the road.
Chelsea are looking towards the top half of the table. Newcastle just want to stay above the waterline. All the ingredients for a cracking match. It’s the Premier League. It’s Saturday night. It’s 13th versus 17th. It’s on!
Kick off: 5.30pm GMT.
Updated
