Preamble: Hello there and welcome to what might be the decisive game in the Premier League title race. Or might mean nothing, if Man Utd win at Wigan. It's all pretty simple up the top, to win the title Chelsea have to get a better result here than United get against Wigan. If they don't then, finally, there will be some evidence for the column-miles of abuse that Avram Grant has taken all season. Which would be nice, wouldn't it? Of course there is one other scenario, if Chelsea can win by 18 more goals than Man Utd then they will be champions. But, much like a t-shirt, I will be discounting that with immediate effect.
The latest in the occasional and tedious series, Alex Ferguson's mind games: In this week's episode Sir Alex has been having a dig at Bolton for spending their week celebrating saving themselves from relegation, rather than plotting victory over Chelsea. Will Bolton raise their game to prove him wrong? Or, as I somewhat expect, will this not make any difference?
The Teams: Chelsea: Cech, Essien, Alex, Terry, Ashley Cole, Ballack, Makelele, Lampard, Joe Cole, Drogba, Malouda. Subs: Cudicini, Shevchenko, Obi, Kalou, Belletti.
Bolton: Al Habsi, Steinsson, Andrew O'Brien, Cahill, Samuel,
Davies, Joey O'Brien, McCann, Nolan, Taylor, Diouf. Subs: Walker, Jaaskelainen, Meite, Giannakopoulos, Cohen.
Referee: Chris Foy (Merseyside)
That is Alex in for the injured Carvalho and Lampard back in too. Malouda, who scored a nice little goal up at Newcastle last week, keeps his place ahead of Kalou (rightly, if you ask me). And as I am sure you all noticed, Bolton have made one change, with Joey O'Brien coming in for Danny Guthrie.
First email of the day and it's from George Templeton: "Any chance Drogba or Lampard pull a Pascal Chimbonda and put in their transfer requests five minutes after this match ends?" To be honest George I think Drogba has been doing that via the tabloids for the last six months.
Look who it is: Roman Abramovich is looking cool in the stands in a pair of rather expensive shades for the first time in a very long while. Part time supporters, eh?
The teams are out, but it has been delayed for a few moments while John Terry changes his shorts. Planned? So cynical.
We're away: Chelsea are shooting from left to right, Bolton the other way, of course. And Essien lofts the ball straight out of play for a Bolton goal kick.
2 min: It's a scorcher of a day but there is one thing brighter than the sun: Petr Cech's bright orange kit, which dazzles the TV viewer as he takes a goal kick.
4 min: Cagey, cagey so far. As I suppose you would expect from two teams that have not done much to entertain so far this season. Still, never too late.
6 min: Stamford Bridge is in full voice, it sounds quite impressive from here in Farringdon. You might wonder why I am talking about such peripheral things, but really there is little happening on the pitch apart from misplaced passes and throw-ins.
7 min: Ballack finds a bit of space on the left and loops the ball across the box where Drogba heads back across goal, only for the ball to be cleared by O'Brien, A not J. Then Ballack gets to the touchline and nips the ball across the face of goal, where Drogba is again, this time with the net gaping. Sadly for him, he leans back and sidefoots the ball into the stands. A wonderful chance missed.
9 min: Cech goes up to claim the ball with his knee first high in the air and then straight into the face of John Terry. An accident, but it looks very, very painful. Terry drops and lies on the ground punching at the grass in pain.
11 min: And that is the end of that for Terry who is stretchered off pretty much out of it, grim stuff. And on come Belletti. Not ideal on any count then.
13 min: The energy has drained somewhat after that injury, the crowd slightly more hushed. With his first touch Belletti is fouled wide on the right by Taylor, but Lampard's free kick comes to nothing.
15 min: Lampard nips the ball over the top for Joe Cole to chase, he beats O'Brien to it but Cahill comes across to cover and takes the ball off Cole's toe.
16 min: First booking of the day as Joey O'Brien scythes Ballack down from behind on the halfway line. For not real reason it has to be said.
18 min: "Essien at centre-half I assume?" Askes Oliver Pattenden. And he is correct to assume.
20 min: Lampard tries to jink his way past McCann about 30 yards from goal and is brought down. Drogba takes and it is up and down and just inches wide of the post. So close. Meanwhile a huge cheer goes up as news filters through from the JJB, apparently. I'm not sure what, it is still 0-0 there.
22 min: Bad news for Chelsea, John Terry has gone to hospital with concern about his arm. On the pitch Joe Cole breaks down the right but overhits his cross beyond everyone.
23 min: Shot from around 35 yards from Essien. It's terrible, scuffed wide.
25 min: It's all very scrappy in the middle with Bolton giving Chelsea no time at all on the ball. So far, so good for the Megson masterplan.
28 min: Cole cuts inside and lays the ball off to Malouda who tries to shoot. It is deflected and drops to Drogba on the edge of the box but as he tries to bring it down and control it Steinsson manages to hustle the ball away and Al Habsi dives on top of it.
30 min: Chelsea still probing but it is bad news for them as news comes through that United have a penalty at the JJB. And Ronaldo has scored, cue shots of Chelsea fans with headphones looking glum. The fact that Matt Taylor shoots wide from distance is slightly overshadowed then.
31 min: Shaun Wright-Phillips in on the phone looking disappointed while Roman Abramovich is putting a brave face on. Meanwhile a game of football continues on the pitch, not with any great action it has to be said.
33 min: Malouda overhits a cross beyond Drogba, Chelsea are finding that there is only really any space on the wings today. If only Cole or Malouda could actually hit the ball into the box at the right height/pace they would be away.
35 min: Diouf is set away on the right in acres of space but he is offside. Bolton couldn't be looking more toothless upfront today if they were singing in The Pogues. Up the other end Joe Cole has a shot from distance but it is easily gathered by Al Habsi.
37 min: McCann is booked for tackling Ashley Cole completely legally. Bolton's players are none too happy about that. "Will the picture change with the game? At the moment the Chelsea players are portrayed as winning. Will it change if they start to lose? And as I type ... a penalty for Man U ... and Ronaldo scores ... so a very prescient comment..." says John. Well, I'll try my best, wait to half-time and I will get you something more approapriate John.
40 min: Are Chelsea playing like champions? In a word, no. This is wretchedly dull stuff to be honest with you. Petr Cech manages to nutmeg the advancing Diouf though, which is entertaining. In a way.
42 min: Cole goes beyond Taylor on the right and then chips the ball onto the top of the goal netting.
43 min: Drogba knocks the ball down and Lampard finds some space on the edge of the box but his chipped ball in is headed behind by O'Brien. The corner comes to nothing.
44 min: Half-time approaches and it hasn't been the best of halves for Chelsea, what with Terry's injury and Ronaldo's goal. Still, they have three minutes of injury time to cheer themselves up.
45+1 min: Belletti overlaps on the right and gets the ball across, but as Ballack approaches to poke it home Andy O'Brien stretches to nick it clear.
Peep peeeeep! Malouda is brought down by Kevin Davies as he sets off on a run towards the Bolton defence and it is a free-kick on the left which Drogba can't do anything with and a booking for Davies. And that is half-time. Not looking good for Chelsea.
Half-time entertainment: An email from Tim Merrick, who gets off to a bad start by calling me John but then continues: "Sounds like a pretty dull match ... so perhaps if any readers can answer my question to alleviate the tedium. If Chelsea were to pull a result today and win the league - I believe it would be the first time they've been top all season. Can anyone recall this happening before in the top flight in recent year? It'd be like watching your mate try and get off with his girlfriend for 9 months and then at a party she ends up with you."
Terry update: He has broken his arm. Apparently. Meanwhile Shevchenko is coming on for Makalele, can he turn his Chelsea career around in what is surely his (second?) last game?
We're off again: With the ball played straight out of play from Davies.
46 min: Malouda recieves the ball about 30 yards out and turns and shoots the ball deflects off O'Brien loops up and Al Habsi has to stretch to tip the ball onto the bar. That came from nowhere.
47 min: Chelsea are much more lively now. Cole beats his man and gets to the byline before cutting the ball back to Malouda. He air-kicks but the ball falls to Belletti whose shot is deflected wide. Is this the result of a stirring half-time talk from Avram Grant?
49 min: Joe Cole getting a lot of the ball on the right but unable to do anything with it, looping crosses landing on the heads of Bolton's 11-man defence.
51 min: It's all up one end as Chelsea , who look very smart in next season's kit, press for the goal the desperately need. Drogba tussells with McCann on the left and goes down. While he lies there someone in the crowd throws some sort of small green ball at him. It misses.
54 min: Chelsea just can't break Bolton down. The ball moving from left to right on the edge of the box but just no sign of a chance. "A quick check on the Guardian Stats centre reveals that Chelsea were briefly top after four games of the season, so Tim Merrick's question is based on a false assumption," writes Ben Taylor. Sorry Tim.
56 min: Bolton manage to get the ball up the Chelsea end but the move breaks down and Chelsea break. With some space for once. The ball is worked out to Belletti on the right but his cross lands on the head of Cahill and Bolton recover.
58 min: Joe Cole plays the ball in to Drogba who lays it invitingly into the path of Lampard. He strikes it very powerfully but straight at O'Brien.
61 min: Joe Cole does a few amusingly overstated stepovers before knocking the ball into the crowd. Drogba then turns Cahill gallops through the Bolton defence but his shot is tipped over by Al Habsi. The best chance of the half.
GOAL! Shevchenko 62 min (Chelsea 1-0 Bolton) A corner from the left makes it's way over everyone and Lampard fires it back into the mix, hard but heading wide. Who should be lurking at the far post though? Chelsea legend Andriy Shevchenko, who calmly shins the ball home.
64 min: A long throw into the Chelsea box rattles around before falling to Diouf five yards out. He turns and shoots but Cech spreads himself to make an excellent save. That was very nearly back to square one for Chelsea.
66 min: Bolton are having to come out and attack now and Chelsea are finding some space. In particular Drogba, who is free on the left but can't get the ball into the box. "Yet another Avram Grant substitution scored a critical goal! So will Grant get any credit for that!?" Asks George Templeton. Of course not George.
68 min: Stelios is on for Diouf, who will never be seen in a Bolton shirt again I'm afraid.
70 min: Bolton are getting a lot more attacking possession than they were but they aren't doing anything with it. Chelsea's patched up defence is holding firm.
73 min: And as I write that Cech misses the ball completely from a corner, but it bounces through and out of play. Grant is stalking the touchline, jacket off and sleeves rolled up. "I mean business", his demeanour says.
75 min: Shevchhenko works the ball through to Joe Cole who takes the ball past Steinsson but hits his shot straight at Al Habsi.
77 min: Chelsea are caught between shutting up shop and going for a second goal. Suffice to say they have written of the required target of 19-0, though someone should tell Essien, who is trotting forward from centre-back at every opportunity.
78 min: Mikel comes on for Joe Cole to tighten things up, that's the third and final sub for Chelsea.
79 min: Cech comes to punch a high ball but he hits it straight onto the head of McCann who loops the ball back over him and onto the bar. The ball bounces out for Stelios but his shot is blocked.
81 min: Drogba is booked for nothing really, but that is the least of Chelsea's problems as Giggs makes it 2-0 to Man Utd at Wigan. Yep, here come the shots of fans with radios looking sad. Free header for Davies from 10 yards out but it is straight at Cech.
83 min: Drogba gets the byline and cuts it back but Lampard heads over. Suffice to say the atmosphere has dropped slightly here.
85 min: A brief argument between McCann and Drogba, is momentarily exciting but Chris Foy calms them both down.
88 min: Chelsea just knocking the ball around playing out the game, and domestic season, without risk.
90 min: This has petered out, quite understandably it has to be said. No player has gone above a jog in the last five minutes.
90+1 min: Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass through the midfield. Chelsea knock it about with joyless abandon.
GOAL! Matt Taylor 90+2 min (Chelsea 1-1 Bolton) An aimless throw from the right and Alex heads it out to Matt Taylor how has a strike from the edge of the box. It goes through legs of Alex and Petr Cech and into the net. That's that then.
Peep peep peeeeeeeep! And it is all over, a draw at Stamford Bridge. Not that it really mattered in the end as United win at Wigan to claim the title.
A pretty poor game it has to be said and Chelsea finish two points behind United at the top of the table. Glum faces around Stamford Bridge and the players troop off. Thanks for your company, and cheers for your emails.
