#cheesedoff: how should Australia rename its food if the EU has its way?

Cheese on display at Adelaide markets. Australian producers may soon be told to change the names they have traditionally used. Photograph: Alicia Canter/The Guardian

First they came for our champagne, now it’s our feta. Also gruyère, gorgonzola and scotch beef.

Under the terms of the free trade agreement being negotiated between Australia and the European Union, Australian producers may lose the right to name their products using terms the EU wants protected under a “geographical indictions” clause.

When France won the right to ring-fence champagne, so that it could only relate to sparkling wine produced from grapes grown in the Champagne region of France, it was not too hard simply to rename local products “sparkling wine”.

But what about feta? Should it be “tangy crumble bitch cheese” as @jules_lefevre suggested on Twitter? How to rename gruyère – “hard cheese good for gratin’”? And gorgonzola?

The EU’s list of proposed products whose names should be off limits includes hundreds of obscure beers, spirits, cheeses and meats – a veritable smorgasbord (or smorgyboard, as we may need to officially call it soon).

Tell us in the comments below how Australia should rename its products, or tweet your answer with the hashtag #cheesedoff.

can't believe we're going to rename Feta 'Tangy Crumble Bitch Cheese' https://t.co/uwxFX7RblT

— Jules LeFevre (@jules_lefevre) August 12, 2019

Ok, so if we can’t call feta feta, what are we gonna call it, EU?

Salty white cheese? That cholesterol block? The addictive delectable rough thing there?

— Bianca (@therealbiancaz) August 12, 2019

Call it pheta and Grewyar. Who gives a damn.

— Liam Gray (@polaricecube123) August 13, 2019