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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
World
Stuart Heritage and Mary Hamilton

Cheer corner: how to cope with the new world order (with kittens)

Does this picture make you feel even slightly better?
Does this picture make you feel even slightly better? Photograph: Alamy

And finally, a quick word of thanks. This has been a giant arse-sandwich of a day, and there’s probably worse to come before it gets better. But everything is temporary. And there’s a crap-ton of animal videos on YouTube whenever it all gets too much. And DEAR GOD Azuki the hedgehog exists. No world that contains Azuki the hedgehog can be truly bad. So take care, and look after yourselves. I’ll let Azuki have the final word.

Thank you for 50,000 followers😘😘😘 本日5万人フォロワー超えました😆💕 _ @_genking_ さんに『これからはインスタは動画の時代になる』と言われ意識して動画をアップしてきましたが、まさかこんな展開になるとは思いませんでした😳 _ 特に海外のメガサイトにいくつもリポストされたのが破壊力凄かったです。ほんとネットの力をリアルタイムに感じてビックリしています。 _ これからもあずきの写真や動画を日々アップして行こうと思いますので、今までと変わらず皆さまあずきをよろしくお願いします😊🙏🐾 _ 感謝✨ _ #はりねずみ #ハリネズミ #針鼠 #ヨツユビハリネズミ #ヘッジホッグ #ピグミーヘッジホッグ #小動物 #動物 #ペット #フワモコ部 #モフモフ #hedgehog #pygmyhedgehog #lovelypet #cuteanimals #はりねずみのあずき #hedgie #Hérisson #igel#riccio #Erizo #고슴도치 #刺猬 #エキゾチックアニマル #africanpygmyhedgehog #hedgehogazuki #50kfollowers

A photo posted by あずき/azuki (@hedgehog_azuki) on

Second, here’s a six-minute baby panda compilation.

I’m going to head off in about 10 minutes. Time for three more updates. FIRST! A snoring duckling.

Updated

Here is a bunny named Marshmallow.

Updated

Here’s Cher Lloyd singing Swagger Jagger.

Updated

Here’s Shirley Temple singing On The Good Ship Lollipop.

Here’s the theme tune to Rastamouse.

Again, I think my credentials as Not A Cat Person are coming out. I’ve been neglecting felines again. Please consider this a course correction.

I’ve been told that some readers have Instagram embeds blocked. So here’s a YouTube video of my new best friend Azuki the hedgehog instead

I mean, this is the worst possible outcome to the most destructive general election in living memory. And it’s plunged the world into an uncertainty that has only ever been hinted at until now. But, on the other hand, AZUKI THE HEDGEHOG.

Updated

I wish Azuki was president.

Oh, guys. I’ve found it.

Oh, the spoon hedgehog has an Instagram account! This will be investigated!

Here’s a hedgehog eating from a spoon.

Updated

A baby hedgehog, a kitten and a ukulele version of a Randy Newman song. Let’s just all curl up and live here, shall we?

I’m very strongly into the music from that hedgehog video. Maybe if we all listen to it enough times, everything else will go away.

Is this what you wanted? Sound required, obviously.

I am being VERY STRONGLY URGED to return to our scheduled hedgehog-based liveblog. Your wish is my command.

A shameless panderer writes:

Updated

Actually, you know what? I can’t recommend this enough as a coping strategy. When you start liveblogging animals, you’re angry and hurt. But then the animals start to make you happy, and you forget about the troubles of the world. And then the animals make you angry, because they’re a distraction from all the real problems. But then comes the breakthrough. After five hours of embedding an endless barrage of animal tweets into a liveblog, you become so worn down that you just stop caring. Do your worst, Trump. I can’t feel any more.

Updated

This might be a dog in a hat. Honestly, I haven’t blinked for the last four and a half hours and my eyeballs are drying up. No idea any more.

I believe this is a hamster eating a cucumber. I don’t know any more.

I don’t think I’ve embedded this yet. I’m so confused. I feel like the guy at the end of 2001, but with baby animals instead of the universe.

Updated

Finally, an actual comfort. This is amazing, and I didn’t even know I needed it. The Things Organised Neatly Tumblr. Go there and scroll until all of this goes away.

Updated

A DUCK AND A BABY!

I just searched on Twitter. Roughly once every three seconds, someone new around the the world is tweeting “Orange is the new black”. That’s a comfort, isn’t it? All these people, believing in their hearts that they’re the first person to think of the exact same joke. Talk about happiness.

Updated

Plus, one person in the world took a photo of a cake. Today keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it.

I might be getting a new shower head soon. There, that’s good news, isn’t it? A new shower head. Lucky me, eh? This is the best day ever.

What the hell is this liveblog coming to? Dead fish and skeletons, that’s all it is now. Dead fish and skeletons forever. You people are messed up.

A sociopath writes:

For God’s sake, look at this. Even the ceramic frogs are miserable today. LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ALL THE CERAMIC FROGS, ALT-RIGHT.

Updated

My cat has an intense, switched-on approach to life that can be summed up in this video

Someone else already had this idea and helpfully made a cat mindfulness video.

It’s important to remember that this is not the only news story in the world. For instance, in the UK, Carnworth Civic Centre has just bought itself a new vacuum cleaner.

Updated

BUNNIES!

Here’s eight minutes of the movie adaptation of The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Here’s how to survive catastrophic financial collapse.

Updated

Here’s how to survive a nuclear blast.

Updated

Here’s how to turn urine into drinking water.

Updated

Here’s how to build a bunker in your back garden.

Updated

I know what we need. Instructional videos! Here’s how to make a blanket fort.

Updated

A purist writes:

Science suggests that looking at adorable animals can make you concentrate better, as well as improving your manual dexterity. Interestingly, the cuter the animal, the greater the improvement - kittens and puppies are better than dogs and cats, objectively - and images of delicious food do not have the same effect.
There. Now you can feel more productive as well as less anxious when I show you this:

This doesn’t change anything, though, does it?

Oh, like you have any reason to judge us, Leo. What more could you have done? Put a better case forward to Bernie supporters? Attempted to smooth the divide between the left-leaning media elite and their intended audiences? Please. You’re a dog, Leo. A DOG.

BABY HEDGEHOG!

I mean, I don’t even like animals.

Guys, I’ve just checked, and YouTube doesn’t yet contain a video where a crying man attacks and destroys a 12-foot ceramic statue of the year 2016 with a medieval bludgeon. I don’t know what to say. I tried.

DUCKLINGS!

There is nothing wrong in the sex act. Nothing any woman may say can change your opinion. You are a master. You are as sensitive and sexy as Pan.

I am worthy. I am capable of great love. Fear is only a feeling. It cannot hold me back. I can easily overcome and failures or setbacks. I make room in my life for victory.

My mind is now free. My mind is now free. My mind is now free. My mind is now free. My oh god why isn’t this working? Please, I’ll do anything. Anything.

I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%. I believe in who I am 100%.

This makes everything better. I joyfully look forward to the future. I joyfully look forward to the future. I joyfully look forward to the future. I joyfully look forward to the future.

I will now spend the next 15 minutes posting affirmation videos that I found on YouTube just now.

This has genuinely cheered me up. My boss just followed me on Twitter, specifically so she could wrestle this liveblog back to a happy place.

TWENTY MINUTES OF WHISPERED AFFIRMATIONS!

I mean, President Trump. President Trump. That’s a ridiculous combination of words. President Trump. That’s going to be in history books until the end of time, now. President Trump. And we’re all to blame. All of us, in our own small way. We created this. HATCHLINGS!

“What did you do on the darkest day of modern democracy, grandpa?” “I liveblogged some pigs, no wait, come back.”

Updated

TERRIFIED CATS!

PIGGIES!

DOGGIES!

And here’s a story from last month that manages to combine all the main themes of this liveblog: animals, stone tools and needless destruction.

Right, OK. I’ve had some food now and I feel a bit better. This is a happy liveblog, remember? It’s supposed to be safe and comforting here. Here’s an article about how going for a walk somewhere new will cheer you up.

Updated

Look at this puppy. What have you done to it?

If you’re in need of a comforting story, you can listen to Alan Bennett reading Winnie the Pooh on iPlayer (but only for seven more hours. Thanks Trump)

At least one is topical. Look how tiny the dog’s hands are.

This dog has stolen my heart, and all my immediate plans because what’s the point of anything any more.

It’s like they know, isn’t it? It’s like they understand, and they’re consoling themselves.

In response to the growing calls for pandas, here are pandas on a slide in 2012, when everything seemed very different.

Sure, I spent some of yesterday contributing to a President Hillary supplement that’ll never see the light of day now, and today I’ve been reduced to posting animal photos online just to fruitlessly stave off the waves of crippling hopelessness that I find myself helpless against, but whatever. Here’s a funny pig. Pigs, LOL.

Meanwhile, in potentially good news (for Europe at least) that’ll never happen because she never put a sausage in her bum like she promised after Brexit, low-grade UK-based irritant Katie Hopkins has to leave now:

Updated

Oh, now I feel bad for losing my temper. Here’s a different kitten video, even though it ultimately changes nothing.

I’ve been inundated with requests for more kittens in this liveblog. Here you go, then. Here are your kittens. Happy now? Are you happy now?

Right, don’t worry. Had a little slip there, but I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Here’s a video about how to achieve a picture-perfect smile. Remember smiling?

Updated

Thanks for the suggestion, commenter hrafnkat! Quokkas are happy animals. Lovely happy animals. There there.

Maybe cake will help. I know, maybe cake shaped like cats and dogs will help. I know, maybe cake shaped like the world’s saddest cats and dogs will help. Oh God, look at their eyes. Their big sad eyes. They know, don’t they? They know what we’ve done. They know, even though they’re cake. They’re just cake. But THEY KNOW and THEY’RE SAD. WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

Updated

A helpful primer from the NYT on how to combine pets and self-care.

Tiny huskies! In particular, their ears. Good work again, dogs.

Loads of dogs. Look at them. Look at all the dogs. That’s something, isn’t it? Those dogs. I mean Jesus Christ.

Oh God. This is real, isn’t it? It’s happened. It’s happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. It really happened.

Dogs. That’s something, though, isn’t it? Woo for dogs.

Yep, this works. Mushroom Cat. Look at Mushroom Cat. Mushroom Cat can save us. Only Mushroom Cat. Lead us through the void, Mushroom Cat.

I mean, I’ve listened to it and it doesn’t, but it’s still probably slightly better than the howling vortex of unstoppable anguish that is the rest of the world right now.

Talking about the Dharma Initiative reminded me of Lost. Ah, remember Lost? Good times. Good times.

An anon friend just sent me the Wikihow article on how to calm down. THE ILLUSTRATIONS.

I’ve been watching this show on Cbeebies a lot lately. I’ve convinced myself that if I play this particular song over and over again, it’ll have some sort of Dharma Initiative-style brainwashing effect on me, and I’ll forget that anything else in the world apart from this song exists, and finally I’ll be happy. Worth a shot, right?

SteveGalley, in the comments, asks for baby pigs. So far the purest form of calm I’ve managed to find on this topic is this video of a baby pot-bellied pig playing with a pug. Stick with it, the pug gets into it.

By coincidence, I’ve just been sent an email for a charity shoe auction. That’s a good distraction, isn’t it? Dec from Ant & Dec’s shoes are currently going for £4. That’s a steal, isn’t it? And think of poor Dec today. Trump is the leader of the free world and people can’t even stretch to a fiver for his tiny little doll shoes. Imagine how worthless he feels. At least you are not Dec from Ant and Dec today. Unless you are, in which case tough break buddy.

There’s a moral to this story, and I don’t know what it is. It might be “Never give up on a dream” or it might be “Dogs are stupid and we’re not dogs so at least there’s that”. Either way, here it is:

Updated

Quick quiz: At which point did this video make your heart melt?

a) When you saw the baby bat
b) When they wrapped the baby bat in a blanket
c) When you saw the size of its LITTLE TINY MILK BOTTLE HOLY CHRIST MY OVARIES

Plus let’s not forget:

I’ve noticed that some readers of this liveblog remain unconvinced of its merits. Time to go big, then. Look at this video. Open it to full screen. Gaze at all two hours of its mysterious patterns and undulations. Breathe in and out. Remember that everything is temporary. Nothing is forever. This will soon be a memory. The extremes are not everybody. We can get through this. Just breathe.

Explore.org runs a wide range of excellent live animal cameras, including polar bears, African animals and bald eagles. My personal favourite is this kitten camera, which is live-streaming rescue kittens to a world sorely in need.

Kitten rescue

Other good news, for the English at least. We’re currently doing quite well at cricket.

Thank you for helping me out here today, everyone. My Twitter feed is basically a fast-moving parade of cuteness, and I’m pleased we’re all here.

And this, from my friend Felix who possibly misread the tone of this liveblog

It’s been a while since I posted any baby animal photos. Brace yourselves, world. Here comes a ton

My colleague Mark Rice-Oxley just reminded me about The Guardian’s Half Full series. I’ll let him explain.

This year, as an antidote to the insidious poison of constant bad news, we’ve been taking active steps to find out about positive trends in the world. We could have called this ‘where did it all go right?’, but that title was taken, so we called it Half Full instead.

Our collection of articles, to which we will now be adding more vigorously than ever, include optimistic stories from the forefront of science and health, laudable approaches to refugees and asylum, promising work in the realms of tech and tax and why everything from ping-pong to carpentry, ketamine and pink sweets are gradually helping to make the world a better place.

Updated

Fun fact: on literally any other day of my entire life, a YouTube video of a woman quietly telling me that everything is going OK would be enough to make me run to the ocean floor specifically to rip apart all the international broadband cables.

However, today I just sort of want to curl up at her feet and have a nap.

Because I am Stuart Heritage and I am contractually obliged to mention that I’m a dad at least once during anything I ever write, here is a video of my son summing up the mood of the world in a way that manages to be both accurate and adorable.

A short film I made on holiday, entitled Are You Happy Herbie

A video posted by Stuart Heritage (@stuheritage) on

Here’s Ed Balls dancing on the BBC show Strictly Come Dancing. He used to be a politician and now he’s a reality TV star, because things used to work that way round in the past.

I missed something off that list, sorry: stroking a scared owl

I’m told that it’s World Kindness Day on Sunday. I don’t really see any reason why we can’t start observing that today. According to the Kindness UK website, suggestions of how to be kind include:

Donating old coats to a homeless shelter

Cooking a meal for someone and delivering it to them

Giving blood

Feeding ducks in a park

Complimenting somebody

Texting someone just to let them know you’re thinking about them.

On the off-chance that you don’t feel like constantly updating a liveblog of nothing but babies and animals, here’s a longer video of calming music that you can play and keep open in a different browser tab. It’s officially called ‘Music to Help Calm Down Overactive Cats at Nighttime’, but I’m posting it here because that’s pretty much the exact definition of me today.

Music to soothe cats

Here’s a baby trying to say “I love you”.

I love you

What’s that? Did someone ask for LOADS OF FLUFFY FOXES?

It has been brought to my attention that not everyone finds comfort in photos of baby animals. My boss, for instance, enjoys looking at old stone tools. Luckily for her, two days ago archeologists found what’s thought to be Europe’s oldest polished axe. I mean, sure, it’s 9000 years old and was probably used for burials, but whatever gets you through the night, right?

Two days ago, Brisbane police found a baby koala in a woman’s backpack. Normally there’d be something to say about the questionable ethics of putting a baby koala in a backpack. Today, though? AWW, BABY PANDA PHOTOS.

Normally I find it extraordinarily distasteful when people use world events to push their own unrelated agendas. But my wife – who wants us to buy a dog – just tweeted this and now I’m conflicted.

For no reason, here’s an NHS Choices page entitled Breathing Exercises For Stress. I couldn’t find one advising on the best way to scream wordlessly into a bucket forever, but I’ll let you know if I find it.

If anti-anxiety tips delivered by enormous, peacefully swimming mammals appeal to you, I recommend visiting the Calming Manatee, whose wisdom has seen me through many tricky times. If the first tip doesn’t work for you, the Manatee has others.

I think, perhaps, we should start with the video I always retreat to in times like this. Puppies dressed as cats, with a song about puppies dressed as cats.

Puppies dressed as cats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6CaUb4fxaA

Hello, and welcome to the Guardian’s timely and essential anti-anxiety corner. Everything is really quite intense in the world right now, and emotions are running high; it’s natural and understandable to feel scared, upset, concerned and angry. But it’s also OK to take some time to breathe, absorb and reflect. While the news rages on outside, we’re here to provide some breathing space through the medium of cat videos and tips for getting through a very difficult day.

I’m pretty much doing this for my own benefit rather than anyone else’s – because JESUS CHRIST – but I’d very much like to hear from you. If you have any nice things to show me – literally any nice things at all, good news or pictures of baby animals or anything – then do tweet me at @StuHeritage. If I like them, I’ll publish them here from my duvet fort.

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