WE’RE UP FOR THE CUP! SORT OF …
It’s never ideal being knocked out of the FA Cup, but the real worry for Liverpool’s Vincibles is the way everyone’s talking about the Premier League being a done deal. Of course they’re going to win it, the commentariat chorus. The fans have been singing the same song too – though after the last four days, good luck finding one who, secretly behind closed doors, isn’t obsessively poring over what’s left of the fixture list, searching for the likeliest source of those elusive 12 points, while at night waking up at regular intervals in a cold sweat after dreaming of being chased barefoot across broken glass by Dejan Lovren and 10 other Dejan Lovrens. And that’s before we bring any potential knock-on effects of major public health emergencies into the equation. Let’s not even go there.
Look, we’re not saying a collapse that would make Devon Loch look like Red Rum is likely. It’d be unprecedented. It’s not going to happen. But it could happen. In which case, Manchester City, already recipients of Alan Hardaker’s Tin Pot, would be two trophies towards an historic United-bothering quadruple. They’d be three in the bag if they could keep their hands on the FA Cup, and to this end they’ve travelled to Sheffield Wednesday, who on Saturday shipped three goals in the first 30 minutes against Derby, and have recently gone down at home 3-0 to Reading and 5-0 to Blackeye Rovers. A quarter-final berth looks a shoo-in for City, then, and while The Fiver is usually scrupulously neutral in all matters, we can’t forgive Wednesday for getting rid of their stylised owl, the most gorgeous club crest of all time, in a wanton act of heinous cultural vandalism, so they’ll get what they deserve.
Having said all that, The Fiver would happily perform an abrupt and brazenly hypocritical 180-degree turn and celebrate should Wednesday pull off the unlikely. Nothing against City, naturally, but this FA Cup needs a shock or two to jolt it into life. A Birmingham win at Leicester would sort of count, though Brendan’s coasting along in 2015 Mode at the minute so it wouldn’t be the biggest surprise. Norwich can’t win at Spurs, surely, because José’s going to win the Cup before chipping off in a huff during the summer, isn’t he? So that leaves Derby County, who will unleash “old dog” Wayne Rooney (copyright a fate-tempting Ole Gunnar Solskjær) on Manchester United come Thursday evening. Fans of unpredictability and excitement will hope someone, in at least one of these ties, writes themselves into FA Cup folklore, because while there’s still life in the old dog, it’s not clear how much is left in the old competition.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 7.45pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of Sheffield Wednesday 0-4 Manchester City.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“This is the biggest sensation since the birth of Christ” – it’s difficult to argue with Saarbrücken vice-president Dieter Ferner after they became the first fourth-tier team to ever reach the German Cup semi-finals, goalkeeper Daniel Batz saving five penalties in normal time and a shootout as they beat Düsseldorf. “That’s more than I’d saved together in my whole career,” whooped Batz.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The latest Football Weekly podcast is right here. Meanwhile, tickets are also on sale for the next live show in London.
FIVER LETTERS
“The Premier League is rightly drawing up contingency plans to reduce the spread of Covid 19 by ensuring sterile environments for supporters (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs). But how will the other teams cope with being forced to play all their remaining matches at the Etihad?” – Simon Mazier.
“Following FLC’s Frank Lampard’s latest assault on the English language (yesterday’s Fiver), I think it’s time to take everything you learned during your (largely unsuccessful) attempt to STOP FOOTBALL, and instead use it to STOP PRESS CONFERENCES. A bi-weekly charade where, on the pretext of saying something insightful about the upcoming game, managers and players instead regurgitate a tired assortment of clichés (“the lads have been training well”, “XYZ are a hard team to beat”, “we’re taking it one game at a time”, etc) to deliberately avoid doing so. Watching footballers isn’t always interesting, but it sure beats listening to them” – Andrew Fawcett.
“Re: yesterday’s Esteem of the Day. Seems rather ungrateful, and likely beyond his remit, for failing Cagliari coach Maran to sack his president Guilini after receiving such fulsome backing” – Polio Maldini (and 1,056 others).
“It’s with great sadness that I’m writing in with a complaint, but I can’t let your spelling of Canadian pop songstress Carly Rae Jepson [sic] in yesterday’s Fiver go by without comment. As much as I’d like a link between one of my favourite singers and ex-Gillingham manager Ronnie, Carly’s surname is spelt with two Es, which is coincidentally [snip – Fiver Lawyers]” – James Vortkamp-Tong.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Simon Mazier, who bags a copy of Premier League Nuggets, by Richard Foster. We’ve got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Italy is likely to order all top-flight Serie A games to be played behind closed doors in efforts to curb Europe’s worst coronavirus outbreak. “We are heading towards that decision,” said sports minister Vincenzo Spadafora.
In news that can’t bode well, Aston Villa made a £69m loss last season despite selling the stadium for £56.7m. “[We] complied with the EFL’s Profitability & Sustainability Rules,” cheered a club statement.
Reports around Manchester suggest Laurence Bassini – yes, Laurence Bassini – fancies himself a slice of Oldham Athletic.
Newcastle and Sheffield United are in the hat for the FA Cup last eight after wins at West Brom and Reading, respectively. “I honestly don’t know where we can take this season,” chirped Chris Wilder. “They just roll on to the next challenge.”
Despite his twanging hamstring, Harry Kane is targeting an April return and a spot at Euro 2020. “In my head, I am definitely at the Euros,” he roared.
And Cambridge United have announced plans for a ‘Gin Night’ at the Abbey Stadium on 27 March. Tickets are £40 a pop and have given Weird Uncle Fiver all kinds of ideas to bother our marketing department with.
STILL WANT MORE?
Here’s Jonathan Wilson on possibly the most Jonathan Wilson subject of all time: how Europeans helped to shape English football, from Hungary to Arsène Wenger.
Barney Ronay on the Liverpool wobble.
Fresh from her SJA awards, here’s Marina Hyde latest on why the Premier League’s Hall of Fame is a bit naff.
Suzy Wrack talks to Lauren Hemp, England’s teenage superstar, about being noticed in a chip shop.
Proper Journalism’s David Conn explains why Bury’s demise re-emphasises the need for FFP.
Is Wayne Rooney more revered at Manchester United than Eric Cantona? Well, no, but Paul Wilson has further answers.
This week’s Knowledge asks: which team has done the double over most opponents in a league season?
Louise Taylor previews Manchester City’s visit to Sheffield Wednesday.
And it’s not football, but this from Andy Bull has an incredible pay-off.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
