Being thrifty empowers people to flourish on tight budgets but it can have other costs if your partner doesn’t share your mindset.
Then, frugality leads to conflict — it can have an impact on relationships if you are unwilling to spend money on enjoying the treats of life. There is certainly a difference between being sensible and being militantly so.
New research has shown that in almost half of troubled marriages money was a main source of tension. When mundane necessities such as the weekly grocery bill lead to heated rows it doesn’t bode well, and ultimately being stingy ends up affecting your social life and holiday enjoyment.
Even on dating sites this is seen as a perplexing issue. Although it is commonplace to still expect the man to pay restaurant bills or for cinema tickets, many women are more comfortable splitting the bill.
In fact, females in well-paid jobs are often happier paying dating costs entirely if it’s clear that their companion would struggle and he is not merely a sponger. However, a study reported in science journal Evolution and Human Behaviour points out that women are ingrained to seek out a man who has money, so that there are resources that can be invested in their offspring.
But while women may be evolutionarily drawn to males who are comfortably off it doesn’t necessarily mean that such men will share their good fortune. Some of the richest men in the world are known for being tight-fisted.
Carlos Slim became the world’s richest man in 2010 when he surpassed Bill Gates with his $69 billion fortune from telecoms in Mexico. But despite his record-breaking wealth Slim lives up to his name and prefers a meagre lifestyle, free of grandeur and extravagance. He still lives in the modest home he has had for the past 35 years, he drives to work rather than hire a chauffeur and refuses to replace computers and other technology. Likewise, Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of Ikea who died aged 91 in February, lived in an unassuming bungalow and only flew economy class.
High up Forbes’ rich list, worth £50 billion, Kamprad preferred clothes bought at flea markets and drove a 15-year-old Volvo around the small Swiss village of Epalinges, where he lived in a modest cottage. When he looked at the money he was about to spend on himself he asked if Ikea’s customers could afford it.
If you do find yourself living with a skinflint, rather than suffer in silence, experts offer some advice on how to best deal with them. Have a frank discussion about your priorities in life. Don’t be confrontational, just discuss openly how their preoccupation with saving money is affecting you and the relationship. Consider also that every time you call somebody penny-pinching, and they accuse you of being a spendthrift, the truth could be somewhere in the middle.
Set an agreed sum aside every month to be used entirely for pleasure, rather than always being obsessively practical. If you can find ways to afford it without accruing debt, or splurging away your security, a compromise can sometimes be reached.
But if you can’t beat them, join them. Try winkling out free activities you can do together (there are many guides available) and make the most of the many surprising delights available.
What could possibly make your cheapskate partner happier than completely free fun?
Charles Saatchi’s latest book is We Are Bananas, published by Palazzo
