Movie are mostly made to be entertaining while some can also be educational. It's rare when a film can save a life. Charlene deGuzman is certain that if she hadn't started writing the script for "Unlovable," she would be dead.
The drama/comedy, based on deGuzman's real-life experiences with sex and love addiction, is extremely satisfying for deGuzman both from how much therapeutic benefit she has gotten from co-writing and starring in the production and because she wants others who are dealing with the same addition to feel less alone. Despite knowing how important it was to tell her story, the filming was a surreal experience for her.
"I think there was a morning when I was driving to set that I actually started crying," deGuzman says. "They were grateful tears though because I couldn't believe that I had gotten to this place. It was only just a few years before that I started recovering and would never get through that.
"But, here I was making a movie about it."
"Unlovable" is not an exact recounting of what deGuzman went through in her battle with sexual addiction but is based on various people, places and things from that time period. Her character of Joy has reached a point where she knows there is no way to deal with her addiction on her own. Joy finally convinces a member of her support group, Maddie (Melissa Leo), to be her sponsor and give her a place to stay while recovering. This is where she meets Maddie's brother, Jim (John Hawkes), who is dealing with his own issues.
Director Suzi Yoonessi ("Relationship Status") describes "Unlovable" as a film that takes a look at the human connection in contemporary society and explores what drives fear and insecurity when everyone is a keyboard click away.
There was so much fear and insecurity in deGuzman's life that she reached a point where she wanted to kill herself. This came after being in recovery for four months only to relapse and sleep with the boyfriend with which she was to have no contact. When he didn't call or text her, deGuzman decided she was broken and unlovable.
"I was pacing around my apartment for seven hours that day trying to decide how I was going to do this," deGuzman says. "He eventually called me. And just seeing his name on my phone, I could feel all of the pain and all that anguish I had been feeling that day dissipate from my body.
"It numbed me out like a drug and at the moment I knew I was sick. I could not believe the power this person had over me."
Although deGuzman had written scripts for a few short films, she had not written a feature film script (unless you count "Friends Forever," a rip-off of "My Girl," when she 8) before sitting down with Sarah Adina Smith to pen "Unlovable." The spark to tackle such a big task came from the support group sessions she attended.
"When I started recovery, a big healing part of it was being in those rooms with so many different people. All kinds of people. All ages. Just regular people you would see out in the world," deGuzman says. "It made me feel less crazy and less alone. You really think that you are crazy in that you are the only person who goes through these things.
"Then when I met all these other people and heard all of their stories, I realized that while they were all different but they were all similar in that want and need for love. I realized how universal this is and I needed people to know out there that they weren't alone."
The film is a big way for deGuzman to get the message to a large audience but it's not her only way of trying to help. She is an advocate for bringing awareness to sex and love addiction who speaks publicly about her recovery including having her own advice column with Flood magazine.
Before starring in "Unlovable," deGuzman had done some performing including being a performer in the national touring company of "Stomp" and as Hannah Montana's drummer. She has high praise for her veteran co-stars � Leo and Hawkes � for helping her with the acting. Her background in acting was thin but there was never a point where anyone but deGuzman would pay Joy.
"Along with being able to write this and share this, it is also my chance to give myself a starring role in a project. I don't think this could have happened any other way for me to be starring in a feature film right now. I think things are getting better but we have never seen a Filipino woman lead an entire cast in this kind of movie," deGuzman says.
"Unlovable" opens in select theaters on Nov. 1 and on Video on Demand Nov. 2.
