There's an apocryphal story about a Chinese communist leader, asked in the 1970s about the impact of the 1789 French Revolution, replying: "It's too early to tell." Monkey feels the same way about former Channel 4 PR boss Matt Baker's leaving do. Suggestions that this belated billet-doux has been prompted by one of La Baker's infamous bollockings are, quite frankly, wide of the mark. OK, OK – it's been a week. But Monkey had a terrible hangover. And the dog ate the copy of his leaving speech we swiped (OK, OK – but it did mysteriously disappear from our desk). But from bleary memory, here are some highlights:
Bowled a googly by Boshoff
Talking about some of the clangers he dropped in his early days at Channel 4 after swapping hackery for the black arts of spin, Baker recounted the time when his new employer snatched home Test match cricket live TV rights from the BBC and Alison Boshoff, then of the Daily Telegraph, suckered him into describing the corporation's coverage as "three old duffers in a box talking cricket". The Torygraph duly printed the quote, attributed to a Channel 4 spokesman. A bit of a barney with the BBC ensued and, Baker recalled, "at the time we were trying to hire one of the 'old duffers' for our coverage". D'oh!
In bother over Big Brother
Cannily, Baker persuaded new Channel 4 chief exec David Abraham to combine his leaving do with a press bash to say thanks to all the journos who covered Big Brother over the years – you know, all those positive headlines: "India fury at Big Brother race row" and suchlike. He recalled the jolly caper that was spiriting "Nasty" Nick Bateman out of the Big Brother house after he was kicked out during the first series back in 2000, without the media noticing. After successfully smuggling Bateman undetected all the way to a Welwyn Garden City hotel, Matt retired to bed that night congratulating himself on a job well done. However, next morning the scene outside the hotel was a bit like the moment in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant opens the blue door to a paparazzi mob. Baker had only gone and signed them into the hotel under his own name. Double d'oh!
... and more bollockings
Baker was in full on self-deprecating mode recalling some of his early screw ups at Channel 4, but he will be much missed by colleagues and the hacks he crossed swords with. However, it's fair to say neither will miss the Baker bollockings. Even the head of Channel 4, Julian Bellamy, admitted in a video shown at last week's bash to his trepidation whenever Baker appeared on the first floor at the broadcaster's Horseferry Road HQ, pacing up and down menacingly outside his office while he finished a phone call or meeting. Panic mounting, Bellamy said his thought process at such times went something like: "What have I done? What haven't I done? ... Oh God, I've fucked up haven't I?" Matt, if the writing doesn't work out, you'd have a lucrative career as a mob enforcer. They never did a horse on Channel 4's Animal Autopsy shows – maybe you can borrow the giraffe's head instead.
