That’s all from me. It’s been fantastic. Have a great season, everybody!
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Harry Kane is looking on the bright side:
Great #UCLDraw! Some huge games in there. #COYS pic.twitter.com/z4tgfPDRt4
— Harry Kane (@HKane) August 24, 2017
Deja vu dept: Manchester United were in the same Champions League group as Benfica, Basel and one other – Otelul Galati on that occasion – back in 2011-12. They came third, and were dumped into the Europa League.
So of the British clubs, Liverpool and the two Manchester sides should feel pretty chuffed, Tottenham will be cursing and Celtic were always going to be in for a rocky ride.
The fruits of my mathematical labour – all Champions League groups ranked by the combined Uefa coefficient of the teams involved to produce your handy cut-out-and-keep groupofdeathometer:
- Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia 405.3
- Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal 394.111
- Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic 382.857
- Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow 321.069
- Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag 320.907
- Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord 299.596
- Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas, Leipzig 222.938
- Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor 208.922
“Every year, the same challenge – to win everything, if it’s possible,” says Ronaldo. “In my club, in my national team. I’m so glad to be here, honoured to win this trophy again. I have to say thankyou for my team-mates. For the national team too – I know it’s not a trophy for the national team, but when I go to my national team they always give me motivation to carry on all the time. I’m so glad and so happy, thank you everyone.”
And the men’s player of the year is … Cristiano Ronaldo!
I have to say she was excellent when I saw her at the Euros, on which scant evidence I’m going to declare this a very deserved award. “It’s so amazing,” she says. “It’s a big honour. I’m really proud but of course without my team-mates I couldn’t achieve this. I’m speechless. I’m really happy.”
First the women’s player of the year, and the award goes to Lieke Martens!
They interviewed the women too, and Lionel Messi, but I was busy trying to do some maths. “To achieve 100 goals in the Champions League was a dream,” Ronaldo says. “I’m really blessed and so happy to be here one more year.”
“To play for an amazing team like Juventus gives you a big motivation,” says Buffon. “You can think that every goal is possible. If you continue to nominate me for this award for me it’s more difficult to say stop.”
And also the men’s award, which will go either to Gianluigi Buffon, Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi.
The night is still young, though – the women’s player of the year award is about to be handed out. Pernille Harder, Dzsenifer Marozsán and Lieke Martens are the nominees.
Your Champions League group stage draw in full!
Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow
Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic
Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag
Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal
Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor
Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord
Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas, Leipzig
Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia
Maribor are drawn, and allocated Liverpool’s Group E:
Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor
Which means that Apoel Nicosia have no choice but to squeeze uncomfortably into Group H:
Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia
CSKA Moscow’s name is next, and they have to go in a Red Group, and the only one of those with space for them is Manchester United’s Group A:
Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow
Celtic’s number comes up, and they will be in Group B:
Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic
Another group gets completed – Sporting will sit in Group D:
Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal
Meanwhile Manchester City’s Group F is padded out with Feyenoord.
Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord
Chelsea’s Group C gets its coup de grâce, and it’s Qarabag!
Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag
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First out of the final hat is Leipzig, who go into Group G – the Group of Life and Laughter and Rainbows and Butterflies – with Monaco, Porto and Besiktas.
The groups as they stand:
Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel
Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht
Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma
Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos
Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool
Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli
Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas
Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham
“To reach this magnitude of trophies it’s hard work and dedication,” says Ronaldo. “I play in an amazing team and for me it’s always motivation to play. I love to play, to score goals, to win trophies – collective and individual too. I’m blessed. I’m so happy to be here again. I’m so happy right now.”
Not really, it’s Cristiano Ronaldo.
That phase of the draw having been completed, it’s time to reveal the Champions League forward of the season – and it’s Vincent Janssen!
Olympiakos are out next and forced into Group D with Juventus and Barcelona, meaning that Napoli head into Manchester City’s Group F, with Shakhtar Donetsk!
Next Totti plucks out Roma’s shiny little ball, and they head into Group C with Chelsea and Atlético Madrid!
It’s H for Spurs, who join Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund!
… and that Tottenham can only be in Group D, or in Real Madrid’s Group H!
It’s Group E, with Spartak Moscow and Sevilla. Consider that a bullet dodged.
Liverpool come out next – will they have Group of Death D, or more friendly E?
Besiktas head into Group G with Monaco and Porto.
Next out come Basel, who slip into Group A with Benfica and Manchester United!
Anderlecht are first out of this plastic hat, and they are deposited in Group B with Bayern Munich and Paris St-Germain.
Totti, winningly, found the act of pairing Juventus with Barcelona absolutely hilarious. Anyway, that’s Pot Two done with, which can only mean it’s time to give away the Champions League midfielder of the season award to Luka Modric. He doesn’t smile.
Group of Death alert! All of that draw-making means there’s nowhere for Barcelona to go except in Group D with Juventus!
Then Sevilla join Spartak Moscow in Group E, and Borussia Dortmund head into Group H with Real Madrid.
@Simon_Burnton Yo - do we know if which colour means Tues night and (i'm guessing the other) which Wed?
— Gary Wells (@Sir_GD_Wells) August 24, 2017
All groups play sometimes on Tuesdays and sometimes on Wednesdays, but always on the same day as other groups of the same colour.
Manchester City go into Group F with Shakhtar Donetsk, the lucky scamps!
Paris St-Germain come out, and because of Monaco’s draw they can only be in groups B (with Bayern Munich) or D (with Juventus), which is a pretty tough spot for them to be in. They go in Group B!
Then it’s time for Manchester United, and they will be with Benfica in Group A!
Atlético Madrid come next, and they join Chelsea in Group C!
The first team drawn is Porto, who have to be put in a blue group because of Benfica’s presence in a red one. So it’s Group G for them, where they join Monaco.
On, then, with allocating pot two …
Ramos is asked how he manages to keep winning all the time. This appeared to me to be an invitation to praise his team-mates, but not for Sergio – he says he’s very hungry – but not foolish – and always looks forward to the Champions League.
Next, another award! It’s the defender of the season, and Sergio Ramos is it!
Real Madrid are drawn, and have to go into Group H because there’s something about Group D that’s not for them, so Juventus go into that one. And that’s the first pot allocated!
Monaco will lead the way in Group G, then Shakhtar Donetsk are plopped into Group F.
Benfica come next, and are given Group A. Then Bayern Munich settle comfortably into Group B.
The second ball out of the team-name bowl is Chelsea – “back after a sabbatical year”, a delightful way of skipping gently over their dismal 2015-16 season. They will be in Group C.
They’re actually picking balls out of bowls now! And the first team to be drawn out of the first pot is … Spartak Moscow. And they get put into Group E.
@Simon_Burnton Here's some draw shenanigans Simon https://t.co/ynotcPzZ35
— PKelly (@paulkellington) August 24, 2017
The one complication I haven’t already mentioned is that four groups – A, B, C and indeed D – are “red groups” and will play on the same night, and the other four groups are “blue groups” and will play on the same night, which isn’t the same night as the red groups. Countries with multiple teams will have them awkwardly crowbarred into groups of different colours to make sure TV companies don’t get angry about all their country’s teams performing on the same evening.
… after a lengthy explanation of the procedure, of course.
A couple of Uefa people in suits come onstage to oversee the draw, which is about to actually happen!
“I’m really proud to receive this award at my age,” he says. “The secret, if there is a secret, I think I continue to stay hungry and foolish. This is the one way I know to continue to play at the top level.” Stay hungry and foolish – that’s very fine advice I think.
But first, another award! The official Champions League goalkeeper of the whatever is Gianluigi Buffon!
Totti takes his place behind the bowls while Andriy Shevchenko is introduced. Before he head for the bowls, he’s asked about scoring the winning penalty in the 2003 final. “It’s a special moment, incredible,” he says. “It was nice to think about that moment. There’s a lot of emotion going in my head, but I try to stay calm. It was a great moment in my life.”
Aleksander Ceferin, the Uefa president, hands over the silverware, which is decorated with a picture of Totti himself. “Francesco was not just a fantastic player, he’s not just an idol for thousands of children, his dedication for the one club he played for is fantastic,” he says. “So deep respect from Uefa’s side and deep respect from our side.”
Actual business is about to get under way, with the President’s Award being presented to Francesco Totti.
If you can’t watch this but do want some football chat in your ears, I’ve got an answer for you:
It’s happening! The show has begun! With a lengthy highlights package, inevitably, but still.
“I hope Manchester United draw Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, and Chelsea,” writes JR. “Sure it’s not possible but just think what Mourinho’s reaction would be.” The sad truth is that even if the entire world were oriented around nothing other than making José Mourino react furiously to things, Mourinho still would not react more furiously than he already does.
@Simon_Burnton That Ronaldo t-shirt has triggered a migraine
— Paul Roche (@prpau) August 24, 2017
Good news! He’s got changed. Sadly, Messi is not wearing a velvet suit:
If the pots were done entirely by Uefa coefficient, the top eight teams would have been, in order: Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Atlético Madrid, Juventus, Paris St-Germain, Borussia Dortmund and Sevilla. But then Monaco’s coefficient is lower than those of Basel and Olympiacos, so the system’s probably got a few kinks in it.
“It takes a special kind of person to wear a t-shirt advertising themselves,” writes Brendan Large of the Ronaldo photo. But Ronaldo is a very special kind of person.
Francesco Totti and Andriy Shevchenko will be in charge of the draw, I’m told. Henrik Larsson has also had his photo taken with the trophy, so he may also be involved somehow. Shevchenko is, apparently, the ambassador for the Uefa Champions league final, which will be played in Kyiv on 26 May 2018.
In the absence of actual news, here are some more people arriving.
#TheUEFAawards nominees Luka Modrić & Sergio Ramos arrive for the #UCLdraw 😎 pic.twitter.com/jGGSQA4GMn
— Champions League (@ChampionsLeague) August 24, 2017
UEFA Women's Player of the Year nominee @liekemartens1 strides down the blue carpet... #TheUEFAawards #UCLdraw pic.twitter.com/CDdvRr4zGb
— UEFA Women's EURO (@UEFAWomensEURO) August 24, 2017
And here are some hopefuls arriving for the awards bit. By helicopter, natch.
Here’s a moody shot of some plastic half-balls and some paper with club names on it.
What’s coming up is way more than just a draw. There are also six awards to be handed out “during the draw”, according to Uefa. And they are:
- Uefa Men’s Player of the Year
- Uefa Women’s Player of the Year
- Goalkeeper of the 2016/17 Uefa Champions League season
- Defender of the 2016/17 Uefa Champions League season
- Midfielder of the 2016/17 Uefa Champions League season
- Forward of the 2016/17 Uefa Champions League season
Hello world!
So it might be handy to know who is in which pot for the Champions League draw. Even if it isn’t handy, it is something I can already tell you, so it’s going here anyway:
Pot One*: Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, Chelsea, Juventus, Benfica, Monaco, Spartak Moscow, Shakhtar Donetsk
Pot Two: Barcelona, Atlético Madrid, Paris St-Germain, Borussia Dortmund, Sevilla, Manchester City, Porto, Manchester United
Pot Three: Napoli, Tottenham, Basel, Olympiakos, Anderlecht, Liverpool, Roma, Besiktas
Pot Four: Celtic, CSKA Moscow, Qarabag, Sporting Clube de Portugal, Apoel Nicosia, Feyenoord, Maribor, Leipzig.
So now, at least, you can make up your own dream/nightmare draw scenarios**. Teams in pot two, for example, will feel chirpy if they avoid the first four names in pot one.
* Pot one is composed of the domestic champions in Uefa’s eight top-ranked nations. Real Madrid qualified for it twice, also being Champions League champions.
** Remembering that two teams from the same association cannot be drawn together, nor can teams from Russia and Ukraine.
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Simon will be here shortly. Meanwhile, here’s a primer on who the six British sides could end up facing.
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