After such a drawn-out build-up, I think we can all agree there is no need for a long farewell. Bye!
Here is the Champions League draw in full … http://t.co/C8eRAqEsfb #UCLdraw pic.twitter.com/ox1JPeMy2X
— Guardian sport (@guardian_sport) August 27, 2015
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Group D: Borussia Monchengladbach, Manchester City, Sevilla, Juventus. Oh City!
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Group B: Manchester United, PSV, Wolfburg, CSKA Moscow.
Group F: Arsenal, Bayern Munich, Olympiacos, Dinamo Zagreb
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Gent, champions of Belgium for the first time last year, will face Zenit, Lyon and Valencia.
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Group G: Maccabi Tel Aviv join Chelsea, Dynamo Kiev and Porto.
Group E: Barcelona, Roma, Leverkusen, BATE Borisov
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And here, Celtic, is what you would have won: PSG, Real and Skakhtar. Instead it’s Malmo who join that lot.
The first full group is made known: Astana - Kazakhstan’s finest - join Benfica, Atletico Madrid and Galatasaray. Let’s call that Group C.
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Right, having drawn the balls from the first three pots, all that is left is to draw the ones from Pot 4. After, of course, a natter with Eric Abidal...
Which leaves: Roma, Barcelona and Leverkusen. Dicey one that.
Lyon, Zenit and Valencia.
Galatasaray get Benfica and Atletico Madrid.
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Shakkhar Donetsk go in Real and PSG.
Dynamo Kiev join Chelsea and Porto.
Oh City! It’s shaping up to be another Group of Doom for City, as they they and Juventus are joined by Sevilla!
Manchester United and PSV are joined by CSKA Moscow. “I’m happy with that!” hurrahs Schmeichel before remembering his diplomatic role and adding “no, they’re a difficult team.”
Olympiacos join Arsenal and Bayern Munich. Coo, another Arsenal-Olympiacos clash! That’s what the Champions league was set up for, folks.
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Before the teams are taken out of Pot 3, there has to be a natter with Carles Puyol. Obviously. He discussed possible solutions to climate change and gave his thoughts on the Labour leadership contest. Quite interesting, actually. Look out for highlights of his speech on tonight’s TV news wherever you are.
Bayer Leverkusen are pitted against Barcelona.
Manchester City will meet last year’s finalists Juventus. There goes any lingering hopes they had of signing Paul Pogba.
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Paris Saint-Germain are paired with Real Madrid. Ouch! Valencia go into Zenit’s group.
Jose Mourinho is give n a reunon with Porto as Chelsea go into that group.
Manchester United go into Group B with PSV. Hey, that gag about an easy ride was not supposed to be taken so seriously!
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Arsenal are the second team out of Pot 2 - surely that’s cause for a celebratory selfie? - and they are cast alongside Bayern Munich! Cancel those celebrations.
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Atletico Madrid go into Group C with Benfica.
“How was that, scoring that goal?” Peter Schmiechel asks the ceremony’s next guest, Juliano Belletti, the scorer of the winner in the 2006 final. Belletti says it was traumatic and he wishes it had never happened to him. I may have heard that wrong. After the chat, he goes to pick a ball out of the pot.
Paris Saint-Germain - “the club of the French capital”, adds Infantino in case you were confusing it with Paris, Thailand. They were put into whatever group was left. I lost track in all the excitement.
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Zenit go into Group H and PSV are then assigned Group B. The action is coming thick and fast now.
Juventus go into Group D. Nothing to add.
Chelsea are the fourth team out. I’m trying to figure out how Jose Mourinho could spin that as part of a conspiracy, but we may have to wait for that to become clearer. They are put into Group G. Hmmn.
Bayern Munich are out. But will they go into Group A, B or D? No, it’s F!
Next out are Benfica, who are the first team into Group C.
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Right here we go. The first team out of the pot is, fittingly enough, the holders, Barcelona. They are placed into Group E. They’ll be happy with that. Good letter.
“I think we are almost ready ...”. Infantino is just toying with us now ...
“Without further ado,” intones Infantino after an epic soliloquy concerning the magic of the Uefa Champions League. There follows more ado, in the form of an unnecessary explanation of the rules of the draw.
Aha, here’s Uefa general secretary Gianni Infantino! He, surely, is a man of action who’ll cut straight to the point of this show. Any minute now ...
Andres Iniesta and Andoni Zubizaretta have been introduced to the crowd - who you’d really expect to know them by now - and then take up their positions to pull the balls out of the pots. Javier Zanetti and Paolo Maldini come to join them, bringing a giddy “good job!” from Mélanie Winigier. A brief interview will follow, during which both players will say how happy they were to have successful careers and how honoured the feel to be participating in this solemn occasion. It will be great fun.
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“So, Celtic could conceivably draw a glamour group comprising Bayern, Real, and Roma, with little chance of qualification, or alternatively the less glamourous option in Zenit, Porto and Olympiakos but with a realistic chance of qualification,” beings Simon McMahon. “Sorry, what’s that? They lost to Malmo???” Yes they did, because they were chickens, according to their manager*.
- Possibly ‘former manager’ by the time you get to the end of this sentence.
“Please now puts your hands together for your hosts, Melanie Winiger and Peter Schmeichel” - and with that, Uefa announce that the lottery is about to get under way ... right after some highlights of last season’s tournament, which, for some reason, features Dejan Lovren in that familiar head-in-hands pose.
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“A group with Barcelona, Manchester United, Roma and Moenchengladbach? That’d be stuff of dreams,” exclaims Rishabh Singvhi.
I’m assuming that the draw hasn’t started yet but I can’t guarantee it, as BT are still on an ad break ... during which they are mainly showing ads for themselves. They’re really very pleased with themselves since buying the Champions League broadcasting rights in Britain.
“I wouldn’t want to make it too hard on Man U and cause LVG any anxiety problems,” drawls Mike MacKenzie. “How about them with Juventus, Shakhtar Donetsk and Wolfsburg?” I see what you’ve done there.
What would, in your view, would be the ideal draw for a Pot 2 English team? How about landing in a group with PSV, Galatasary and Malmo. While the best team for Chelsea to get rom Pot 2 would probably be Leverkusen.
For those of you who can live without the exciting build-up, know that the draw itself is scheduled to start in exactly 11 minutes. So it’ll be all done in a few hours or so...
Preamble
¡Hola, Mundo!
Today’s Champions League draw has a strong Spanish flavour, as La Liga becomes the first national championship to get five representatives through to the group stages thanks to Sevilla triumph in last season’s Europa League and Valencia’s play-off victory over Monaco. The Spanish armada is joined in today’s draw by 26 other teams intent on doing their utmost to reach next May’s final in the San Siro, and Arsenal. They are divided into four pots as follows:
Pot 1 Barcelona, Bayern Munich, Chelsea, Benfica, Juventus, Paris Saint-Germain, Zenit St. Petersburg, PSV Eindhoven.
Pot 2 Real Madrid, Atletico Madrid, Arsenal, Porto, Valencia, Manchester City, Manchester United, Bayer Leverkusen.
Pot 3 Lyon, Dynamo Kiev, Olympiakos, Galatasaray, Roma, Shakhtar Donetsk, Sevilla, CSKA Moscow.
Pot 4 Borussia Moenchengladbach, Wolfsburg, Dinamo Zagreb, Maccabi Tel Aviv, Gent, Malmo, Bate, Astana.
The rules state that no team can meet a team from the same pot nor the same country, Russian and Ukrainian sides must be kept apart, and Manchester United must be given an easy ride. OK, that last bit was a cheap gag. Besides, no matter the draw, United and the other English sides have contrived to make hard work of their European campaigns in recent years, with only three of the last 20 semi-final slots being taken by Premier League teams despite their mighty financial power. Frankly, they need to smarten up. As things stand, it is hard to see any English team winning the tournament this time round, with Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich all looking stronger, and Paris Saint-Germain probably the next best. That could change, of course, as there is likely to be more dealing before the transfer window closes and Manchester City may actually sustain their promising early season form, while Chelsea could shed their sluggishness. And who knows, maybe a daunting group draw – against, say, Barcelona, Roma and Wolfsburg – would spook Arsène Wenger into forking out to reinforce the spine of his team, or maybe the world will stop all its contrariness and just agree to be the way Wenger wants it to be.
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