Tell us, Joe. Tell us who your running mate is going to be. We can't take the suspense.
Now that you've busted outta the basement, you'll need help on the campaign trail. I'm not saying you're frail, because, if I did, you'd ball up those tanned 77-year-old fists of yours and threaten to knock me on my keister (whatever that is) and I'm so not in the mood.
Tell us, Joe. So we can get along with the business of reclaiming _ as you like to say _ the soul of America. I'll admit the first time I heard you say that, I thought it was overly dramatic but no more. In fact, I think it doesn't go far enough. We are fighting for the soul, mind and body right on down to the armpits and hairy toes of America. You gotta win this, Joe.
So who's going to be the veep pick? We need to get those yard signs printed. I know you've said that several women are being vetted (which always makes me think spayed but that's totally on me) but let's have a name.
Want some advice? Don't pick someone nobody knows. We are a simple people, Joe. We can barely find New Mexico on a map. Nuff said.
Don't pick a sitting Democratic senator because we need to keep every single one of those seats. I know this sounds antithetical to what I just said but we need Warren and Harris and Klobuchar and Duckworth to stay put. Another Republican-controlled Senate would be disastrous.
I am a big fan of Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who is also on your short list. Governors tend to do well in presidential races and Trump actively despises her for keeping Michigan shut down when he wanted it open. Bottom line: If you rankle Trump, you're probably doing an excellent job in office.
But not now...because, Joe, I want you to pick a woman of color. It's past time. This leaves us with Susan Rice, Val Demings, Keisha Bottoms and Georgia's Stacey Abrams (a Yale law grad who spent 10 years in the state House and has been relentless on fighting voter suppression and other evils). Not many people know Demings, the former Orlando police chief and current congresswoman from Florida; Atlanta Mayor Keisha Bottoms also lacks a national profile and former U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice has Benghazi baggage that would fuel too many attack ads, no matter how undeserved.
I think you should pick Abrams because she's got experience, intelligence, character and she's a household name. She can get the vote out. Right now, the only thing Republicans sputter about is that she writes romantic suspense novels in her spare time. They just hate it when people read.
Every one of these women is qualified but Abrams, I believe, gives us the biggest boost to the ticket while keeping a Democratic majority in the Senate a possibility. All we need is the official okie dokie, Joe. And we need it, like, yesterday.
