Celebrity style: Paris Hilton

This looks like a hands-free and tie-dyed version of the sheet that TV ladies traditionally pull up over themselves after a love scene, and that’s why it gets a thumbs-up from me Photograph: Matteo Giordano/Rex Features

Call those gloves, Paris? They look more like plastic bags! Photograph: BDG/Rex Features

As news reaches us of a sinister toy trafficking ring, we ask Paris to back away slowly. Whatever you need, Paris. Good press? Pint of cider and black? Just put them back in their box and everything will be fine Photograph: Albert Michael/Rex Features

It’s a good idea, actually, to have your addictions painted right there on your chest like a warning to those who approach Photograph: Zuma/Rex Features

There’s an ongoing argument for celebrity conscription. They’re used to the entourage, of course, and then there’s the shoutiness, and the cute costumes Photograph: Rex Features