Celebrity style: Kristen Stewart

Yo yo yo! Your mama’s so fat she went to the cinema and sat next to everyone! She’s so fat that when she fell in love, she broke it in half! Yo! Photograph: Rusty White/WireImage

It’s like with your PE kit. If you forget your premiere gown, you have to be photographed in vest and spiky knickers. You were warned Photograph: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Screw you The Man! Who says I can’t wear trainers on the red carpet? No one’s going to bind my feet in their vehicles of oppression. Hitlers, the lot of you Photograph: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Like a just-born lamb, pulled from its mother, swung around the barn by its legs and propped up to suckle, before being calmly groomed for cutlets Photograph: Rex Features