Joining festival diehards Russell Brand and The Mighty Boosh, this year’s comedy ligging kings will be James Corden and Matt Horne. If their recent jumping-the-shark TV series is anything to go by they’ll be proving that one of them is 'fat' (hilarious!) and the other one is most definitely 'not gay' (ho ho!). Photograph: Jo Hale/Getty
Freida Pinto and Dev Patel. Brit film’s hottest couple will be this season’s most papped as organisers attempt to cash in on the pair’s 'feelgood' vibes. Cue laboured London Lite headlines such as Portaloo Millionaires! Slumdog Piltonaires! Tofudog Millionaires! etc. Photograph: Joel Ryan/AP
Follow Ben 'I was accepted at Sandhurst, you know' Clarke to Glastonbury’s green fields as he continues his quest to differentiate cedarwood and sandalwood. Photograph: BBC/Talkback Thames/PA
Peaches and Pixie. While there’s no discernible reason for them to exist, never mind be at a festival, throw a random welly at any event involving bands and beer this year and you’d be guaranteed to hit a Geldof. See also: Kelly Osbourne Photograph: Rex Features
Boris Johnson (for no apparent reason), Dave 'Raver' Cameron, David Lammy and Latitude fest regular Geoff 'Indie' Hoon. But which one will be putting through their psychedelic cider and tofu burger on expenses? Photograph: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images
Jordan, Peter, Jodie, Holly, Matt Willis, assorted Hollyoakers, various footballers and their wags and Big Brother’s Samanda and Nikki Graham. Refused entry to the hipper festivals, this lot will be found in the VIP areas of V and Creamfields, possibly posing next to drinks brands. Photograph: Belle Pictures/MCP/Rex Features
Agy (Agyness Deyn), Henry (Holland, friend of Agy), Grimmy (from Radio 1 and friend of Agy), Jamie (Winstone, friend of Lily), Alfie (Allen, brother of Lily) and Konnie (Huq). Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features
