Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins star John Fashanu broke down as he recalled racism from his childhood and his brothers' tragic suicide, for which he feels responsible.
He was called in to speak to the instructors after becoming too aggressive in a challenge and holding Rudimental star Locksmith in a chokehold.
The former footballer, 57, recalled being adopted as a child into a white family in Norwich, where there were no other black people.
He said: "We were the only black kids in the whole of Norwich.
"The racial abuse was pretty heavy."
He then opened up about his brother Justin's suicide in 1988, after his family, including John, disowned him for being gay.
"He was a wonderful footballer, he was the first black £1million footballer," said John, when the instructors asked him about his brother.
"But he was gay, we couldn't accept that at all, as a family, the whole family.
"He was outcast with a big boot. I paid him a substantial amount of money to not come out and say he was gay.
"So when he came out and said he was gay, that was a little bit too much. I found it impossible.
"Unfortunately he then decided that he could not go on, God rest his soul."
The instructors asked if John felt guilty, and he said he did, every single day.
Later on, John said in his interview: "It was a very very sad time, and you can go over it again and again and you can pray and wish you had handled yourself differently, but we didn't.
"What a waste," he added, shaking his head.
*If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down how you feel.
