What an unexpected treat this year’s Celebrity MasterChef has been. Not so long ago, the celebrity version was shunted off to daytime to save everyone the agony of watching Danny Goffey and Tim Lovejoy attempt to travel back to the 1990s by building a time machine out of discarded potato scraps. Or whatever it was that happened on it. It was on during the day, and I’m a busy man.
However, this year Celebrity MasterChef has managed to haul its shattered body back to a position of relative invulnerability. And this isn’t because of a brave new format overhaul, because the show is still just people cooking things in a studio, and then cooking things in a restaurant, and then cooking things in a field, and then cooking things in a studio again. Nor is it because the level of ability on show is a marked improvement on what came before, because last week’s cooking in a field segment quickly turned into a tragic disaster zone of busted deadlines and inedible sludge. If any of this year’s contestants decide to open a restaurant, it’s safe to say that the restaurant should immediately be roped off and torched.
No, what’s made this Celebrity MasterChef so good is the chemistry between the contestants. They’ve been funny and chummy throughout, and it’s been a pleasure to watch. A trailer for the final four has just been released, and it made me realise that I haven’t actually got a favourite because I appear to be rooting for them all. Nevertheless, let’s take a look at the finalists and try to pick a winner.
Sam Nixon
The man who came third in the second series of Pop Idol before launching a presenting double-act with the man who came second in the second series of Pop Idol is a gregarious puppy of a man. Of the finalists, Sam is probably the least likely to win purely because he too readily assumes a position of subservience in group tasks. However, his transparent desire for approval is wonderful to watch. I haven’t checked, but I suspect that YouTube is currently brimming with slowed-down footage of Sam biting his lower lip and getting all big-eyed as Scott Maslen tells him to chop carrots, accompanied by Fix You by Coldplay.
Kimberley Wyatt
Again, not a likely winner, thanks to her aggressive insistence on pushing herself the limits of her ability. Kimberly: this is a larky cookery show, not an attempt on Everest. However, Kimberly has been spark and fun enough during the series to earn the title of Second Least Annoying Former Pussycat Doll. And, unless Nicole Scherzinger takes up a vow of silence and dedicates her life to digging wells in Africa, she’s likely to stay this way.
Rylan Clark
On paper, Rylan should be the most irritating man who ever lived. In fact, in the flesh up until now, Rylan has been the most irritating man who ever lived. Looking like a weaponised Bee Gee, Rylan was too obvious a novelty act for X Factor and his time on the Big Brother spin-off – where he birthed the harrowing catchphrase “What’s your chat?” – was a profound disappointment. But on MasterChef he’s found his perfect vehicle. He’s quick-witted and gregarious, and his surprised “Bargain bucket!” exclamation last week made me laugh until long after the episode has ended. Even Gregg Wallace likes Rylan, and the only things that Gregg Wallace likes are puddings and rubbish tattoos.
Scott Maslen
As an actor, Scott tends to lurch from one thankless grim-faced mumbly role to another, which is a shame because on MasterChef he’s doing a pretty good job of presenting himself as the nicest man who ever lived. He’s a natural leader in the Roy of the Rovers mould, and he’s spent huge swathes of this series careering around kitchens bucking up sunken spirits. If Scott wins, nobody will be more disappointed than him, because Scott clearly wishes that everyone would win. At a push, I’d call him the favourite to win.
