Good evening and welcome to this, the live Celebrity Big Brother blog. It's Friday, it's eviction night and, yes, I fully expect to be here alone, save for a couple of stragglers wandering by to remind me that BB is the shameless and soulless epitome of all that is bad in society. But we've started so we will finish. Courage, friends.
[Do scroll down for updates..]
8.17pm
Well, well, big news. I know Channel 4 are anxious to lose the spotlight. I'm sure the series really can't end quickly enough for them really, what with the phone vote arse-up and the dumping of manure on the executives' collective heads. Still, though, I never pegged them for being able to arrange the resignation of the News of the World editor . Now *that's* a surprise eviction.
If this gets dull, I may treat you all to my thoughts on that one instead.
8.30pm
We're off. Davina's looking particularly fresh faced and light-haired this evening. She *genuinely* regrets any offence caused whatsoever. She says that standing just to the right of placard reading "GET SHILPA & JERMAINE OUT". As I type, the camera has panned round so that said placard is not in shot. Someone in the gallery is shouting very hard at someone with an earpiece right now. I'm guessing Mr Placard will not be there post ad break. Taxi for the BNP party...?
8.32pm Davina questions Cleo's hair choices.
There's a phrase. I can't quite think of it. Something about pots.. kettles...
8.35pm H/Ian thinks either Dirk or Cleo will be evicted. My money's on Jo and Cleo, the sympathiser. Not literally, I don't bet on reality shows. And for very good reason, as anyone who has read any of these blogs will know.
8.40pm They're doing the highlights. Problem being, there really haven't been any this week.
Terrible shame that Danielle can't get slung out tonight. I'd like her to get plenty of time for her eviction, I really would. If they're going to march them all out one by one on Sunday, there really won't be long enough to wallow in the full horror of her time in the house. Did anyone else read in the Sun that Teddy Sherringham's dumped her? He probably doesn't fancy spending his off season break on the Redemption Tour.
As MyNameIsJames points out (below), both housemates will be evicted together. Good job he's concentrating (I'm assuming James is a he), I'd missed that fact. God, I tell you what, if there's no potential for someone to be actually lynched, I do drift off.
8.42pm No sign of the placard. They are shooting Davina from such an extreme angle that you can see right up her nose. She looks like that girl from the Blair Witch Project. Slightly less snot.
8.53pm There's some sort of A Team themed task going on. It's a dangerous game, evoking that fine series and risking the comparison. Cleo's no Peppard. H, however, would be interesting casting for Murdoch.
8.59pm Male waxing. Always funny. Dirk has had one strip of hair removed, with great stoicism. Danielle notes, "you look a woman now". Hmm. Cleo declares "I like you now. Dirk I've hated you for three days, but I like you now" and tries to kiss Dirk. Dirk does the old Prince Charles dodge.
9.05pm I think the crowd are chanting "get Jo out". It's hard to tell though, as they seem to be playing 'random crowd noise' over the noise of the actual crowd.
9.08pm Cleo is weeping over some moving tale of Kenny Everett. Danielle is eating crisps.
Shilpa tells Big Brother that she just hopes that she's made "all those Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis proud", because she's there to represent them. Shilpa is neither a martyr nor a fool. Let's hope those three nations are able to vote.
Cackling hags are cackling on sofas. Oh, burn the witches already.
9.14pm Jack asks Jo if she gets people coming up to her a lot in the street. She says she used to, but it's dropped off a bit. Danielle says, 'it's going to get worse now'. You're not kidding. I'm trying to think what I would say to Jo or Danielle if I saw them in the street. I may have to hone it during the ad break.
9.22pm Here we go. Cleo, Dirk, ian, Jo and Shilpa. The lines are closed. The votes have been counted... It's JO! She's gone for the "I told you it was going to be me" reaction. "They were screaming, 'Get Jo out'". Yes, they were. And.... It's CLEO! Yeay!! Ooh I should have had a bet. Nah. There would've been no money in that.
Dirk is torn. He would've liked to get out early and still collected the full fee, on the other hand, this is all his birthdays come at once.
Danielle is sobbing with very little regard for her mascara. That's true grief. Even Danielle must have realised by now that she is not the nation's new hearthrob. You can see 'Teddy'll never marry me now" written all over her forehead.
"If it was that bad, they wouldn't have let us out, they would've warned us". Says Jade's boyfriend. And they wonder why we think there's some briefing going on....
So Jo and Cleo. A double-hander. Surely they won't make Davina interview them together? She won't be able to manage that. Do remember, kids, that Cleo is (along with Davina, Dermot, Russell, Jade and er everyone else) represented by John Noel. And join us for another sparring match after Ugly Betty.
10.28pm It's just hit me that Danielle is in the final. As is Jack. And I still couldn't identify him if he'd just mugged me in broad daylight. Not that I'm suggesting in any way that he would, of course.
10.32pm Jo's interview:
Davina: "if this was a normal eviction interview I'd be talking to you about cigarettes. You've been quite nervous haven't you, since you got out of the house. And weirdly you've been saying that you thought something was up Jo: "Sumink didn't feel right. "
Roll clip tape. Same drill as Jade - Gordon Brown, streets of Mumbai, etc
Silence in the studio. Jo doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Clip tape 2 - greatest hits of bitching Jo is crying I think.
10.35pm Davina still hasn't asked a question. Finally squeaks out, "what would you say to that?"
Jo's cousin is married to an Indian man. That's alright then. She's not a racist person either.
She seems to have gone into a semi-catatonic state. She's too shocked to respond.
If Jade had come out in her interview and been this mix of arsey, gobsmacked and defensive, I don't think anyone would have claimed she'd been briefed.
Davina: "Did you show people who you really are?" Jo: "Yes I did. I really believe I did."
No kid gloves for Jo.
10.46pm Cleo the collaborator : "it's a huge clenching bottockular experience". oh well, makes a change from an emotional rollercoaster ride.
On racistgate: "There was an argument over some stockcubes". Okay, anything else?
On why she didn't step in: "I couldn't make anything better. Things had become quite high volume. It needed someone who wasn't present to come in... I felt if I say something it's going to make it worse... It needed a man to be there."
Oh god. It's the clip tape of Cleo's hillarious characters. I've got it. Ofcom? Are you listening? Endemol's punishment is that they have to make a whole series of the Cleo Rocos sketch show. At cost. Channel 4's punishment is that they have to screen it. In prime time and I don't mean up against EastEnders either.
"Cleo Rocas, you rocked.." See ya. I had such high hopes of Cleo. More fool me.
They seem to have ended the interviews five minutes early, so that Davina can spend four and a half years reading out the phone numbers twice each. I suppose they've had to give so much phone vote revenue to charity this series, they've got to make up.
Right then. That's it. Shilpa to win: 09011 32 33 14. Go on, you might as well, they'll probably refund you tomorrow when they discover they've got the number wrong. Night night. And remember, top Big Brother blogger Anna Pickard and I will be here from 8pm on Sunday for THE FINAL. Don't pretend you've got plans.
