LSU didn’t end Alabama’s College Football Playoff hopes, and the most important position, in the latest Cavalcade of Whimsy.
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Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault …
There was about to be a moment of relief after an ugly run of bad columns. This one was up by 25 going into the final quarter, and then Illinois scored four touchdowns to send it into a deeper shame-spiral. There was joyful hopping.
“How do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if you miss?”
(Before we get started, and knowing your blood is about to boil, I do have the answer to all of this in a later blurb.)
Seriously, America? You think LSU just killed the elephant?
You actually think Alabama is out of the College Football Playoff now? Have you learned absolutely nothing over the last ten years of college football?
You might not like it, and you might deny it, and you might try to wish it all away, but you also know exactly how this is going to turn out.
You know who else knows? Nick Saban.
There’s a reason he was so chilaxed after his defense got embarrassingly pantsed for the second time in ten months by a team with elite offensive talent. He has seen it all before.
Of all programs, LSU should (bleep)ing know better than to be pouring Gatorade, doing victory laps, and being hailed at home coming off the plane as if it’s all over.
It was over in 2011.
LSU went on the road and beat Alabama 9-6, and that was that.
Bama fell to third in the BCS standings, and Oklahoma State moved up to No. 2 as it crushed and killed everything in its path. And then came that fateful Friday night at Iowa State with a missed Cowboy field goal that really did look good, bad throws by Brandon Weeden, and a stunning loss that led to the big debate.
You can’t have a team that didn’t win its own division, much less its own conference, play in a rematch for the BCS Championship after losing the first time around at home. It’s wrong, it’s unconscionable, it’s not fair to the college football season, it’s …
Alabama 21, LSU 0. 2011 National Champion Alabama.
It was over in 2012.
Johnny Manziel walked into Tuscaloosa and left with a Heisman, along with a 29-24 win over the 9-0 No. 1 Tide. That was it. Bama blew it. You can’t lose that late in the season at home and end up in the national title.
The Tide fell to fourth in the BCS Standings, and then …
No. 1 Kansas State was exposed in a blowout loss at Baylor, a monster No. 2 Oregon team blew it in a 17-14 home loss to Stanford, Notre Dame won out, Bama moved back up to No. 2, and …
Alabama 42, Notre Dame 14. 2012 National Champion Alabama.
I’m old enough to remember 2017.
Bama beat a whole lot of no one – sound familiar? – lost the regular-season finale to Auburn, didn’t win its own division, didn’t win its own conference, and yada, yada, yada, it got the massive break of a two-loss Ohio State stopping a 12-0 Wisconsin on a late drive in the Big Ten Championship.
Bama slipped into the College Football Playoff as the No. 4 seed, destroyed Clemson in the Sugar Bowl, got to Atlanta, and …
Alabama 26, Georgia 23. 2017 National Champion Alabama.
I have screamed, yelled, bitched, whined, prayed, and pleaded my case for years and years and years that a team that can’t win its own division shouldn’t be able to win the national title. I’d love absolutely nothing more than a College Football Playoff with four fresh new schools – say, LSU, Minnesota, Baylor, Utah – in the mix.
But that’s not how the College Football Playoff works.
It’s about who the committee thinks the four best teams are, and as much as we all might not like it – especially with just one decent win on the slate – yeah, that’s Alabama.
If he committee liked the Tide enough to put them No. 3 in the first round of rankings, it’s not going to have a whole slew of issues at the end of the season in the whole four-best-team argument if they win out – again, more on that in a moment.
Like it or not, no matter how the sausage was made, Bama put up 41 points. Tua Tagovailoa threw for 418 yards and four scores on a bum ankle – get ready for that to be a talking point in a few weeks – Najee Harris ran for 146 yards and scored twice, and in the end, the team looked the part of one of the four best teams – at least offensively. It might not be one of the three best, but fourth?
Who’s that fourth team – at least in the eyes of the CFP committee – if it’s not Bama?
It’s been cute and all, but Minnesota and Baylor aren’t getting into the College Football Playoff.
Oregon? Lost to Auburn. If Bama beats Auburn at Auburn, there goes that.
I actually think Utah could do some damage in the tournament, but it has to get there first, and the loss to USC doesn’t help.
Who’s got the chops to finish out the rest of the way without another loss?
Oklahoma? Yeeesh. Georgia? More than you think (again, give me a moment). Penn State? Intriguing (also, it’s coming in a second), but probably not considering it lost to Minnesota and Bama lost to the No. 2-soon-to-be-No. 1 team.
So who? Who’s that fourth team? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg?
LSU, next time you kill something, make sure it stays dead.
Now, I know exactly what’s coming next, because, of course …
NEXT: It’s the media’s fault
BTW, Ohio State fans trying to falsely equate the Bama loss to LSU with what the Buckeyes plopped against Purdue last year and Iowa the season before – especially those who dared to whine that the world is out to get your upstart program that never gets a break – almost all of this applies to you, too …
I don’t care about Alabama.
The sports information department is great, I’ve made plenty of media friends around the program over the years, and Saban is actually a whole lot cooler than you think. But even though a College Football Playoff without Alabama would be like Thanksgiving without the turkey – seriously, a bucket of chicken is SO much better – whatever. Win your division.
I do get the screaming about the process. For the umpteenth time, I’m with you, everyone, on conference champs needing to be in the playoff. However, what I don’t get is the blind anger out there towards the program and the accomplishments under Saban.
Thanks to the social media world, it’s easy for opposing fans to get lazy.
There’s a media conspiracy to pump up Alabama. ESPN is in on it because it has a vested interest in the SEC. The College Football Playoff is rigged. It’s all a deep state thing to make sure Saban and the Tide get every break for ratings, because there’s a bias towards the SEC, and …
ENOUGH.
It’s one thing to be sick of Alabama, but there’s a reason everyone in the media gushes over this program.
Really? You’re going to make me do the resumé thing by pointing out Saban’s six SEC titles while at Alabama, five national championships, four straight national championship appearances, and how the program is probably two plays and a Tim Tebow epic fourth quarter away from winning three other national titles?
I still argue that the 2011 and 2017 teams had no business playing for the national championships, and then I’m politely reminded that they won them.
It’s not like Alabama is whizzing away its chances. Under Saban, it has never been 2001 Nebraska, or 2003 Oklahoma – who lost to Saban’s LSU team – or 2007 Ohio State, who all caught mega-breaks and lost in their respective national championships. And why?
Talent. You want to know the real reason why the media is all in on Bama? Along with the consistent winning …
63 players have been drafted over the last seven years with 26 first rounders over the last nine drafts. In the Saban era, you could almost have a first round made up entirely of Crimson Tide players. This program – along with Ohio State – is just more consistently freakishly talented than anyone else.
It doesn’t mean you have to like it, so …
NEXT: After all of that hoo-ha, the answer to getting rid of Alabama is …
Or, just keep throwing against its tissue-paper secondary …
So how do you keep Alabama out of your College Football Playoff this year? How do you do whatever gruesome horror/zombie movie reference thing you’d like to use and kill the monster?
There are three solutions, no matter what happens in the Big 12 and Pac-12 worlds.
1) Auburn takes care of business at home. It would be a gajillion times better if it’s Western Carolina who hands Bama a second loss, but at home, don’t be stunned if the Tigers win the Iron Bowl. Or …
2) Georgia runs the table. If the Bulldogs win at Auburn and go on to beat LSU in the SEC Championship to finish 12-1, they’re no question, no doubt in. 12-1 LSU with a loss to Georgia – assuming it’s not a blowout – is in. Let’s say 13-0 Clemson is in, and the Big Ten champion is in. Alabama is out. And/or …
3) Penn State beats Ohio State. If Penn State runs the table and somehow gets by this juggernaut Buckeye team in Columbus, it goes to the Big Ten Championship and gets a shot at revenge against Minnesota, or takes down Wisconsin. 12-1 Big Ten champ Penn State is in, 13-0 Clemson is in, SEC champ is in, and Bama is out.
Now for the curveball.
Two and three happen.
Clemson is in at 13-0. Penn State goes 12-1 with a Big Ten championship – in, no matter what. Georgia goes 12-1 with an SEC championship – in, no matter what. Bama is way out, and …
So is 11-1 Ohio State.
LSU would get that fourth spot.
NEXT: The most important position in college football is (warning, it’s a BIG surprise) …
Because Ohio State might have scored 83 if Chase Young was playing
I am done with all of you out there – especially in the media – who like to complain that the Heisman is a quarterback-only-occasionally-running back award.
There’s a reason for that.
QUARTERBACKS MATTER MORE THAN ANY OTHER POSITION.
Seriously, this is hard? This is up for debate? When did we all decide to hold a pity party for the other football positions?
I love Chase Young. He’s amazing. He’s a fantastic football player who’s about to make tens of millions of dollars more than I do, and he should absolutely be out there playing tomorrow for the Buckeyes. But Ohio State doesn’t really need him – at least for now.
Of course he’s important, but the Buckeyes lost Nick Bosa early last year, and they went on to win the Big Ten championship and the Rose Bowl.
If it’s an either/or, would you rather lose Young, or Justin Fields? Ohio State might win the national championship without the defensive No. 2, but it’s not getting there without the offensive No. 1.
I know, Cardale Jones stepped in for JT Barrett and won the Buckeyes a national title, but you really want to try that again?
You don’t think Joe Burrow is making all the difference this year for LSU?
You don’t think Jalen Hurts is all but saving an Oklahoma team that’s starting to buckle against decent teams?
You don’t think the rebound of Trevor Lawrence has something to do with Clemson starting to obliterate everything in its path again?
You don’t think Oregon is still alive because of Justin Herbert, and Utah is still in it because Tyler Huntley is healthy?
Of course defensive players matter – ask Patrick Mahomes right now about that – and of course it’s not all about the quarterback, but …
Some teams have Lamar Jackson, and some have Mitchell Trubisky.
Quarterbacks are a bigger deal. Duh.
NEXT: Five Cavalcade of Whimsy footballey opinions and, like, other stuff
Week Three of the Cavalcade’s “USE A CUCK-TAYEL STICK”
Now, if Ed Orgeron did this …
Five Cavalcade of Whimsy footballey opinions and, like, other stuff
5. Pac-12 bowling for … bowls, part 2
Last week, I found a theoretical way for all 12 Pac-12 teams to become bowl eligible. All 12 teams are still in the hunt for a bowl game, but now I’m going to knock almost all of them out. It’s not going to happen, but …
Oregon, USC, Utah and Washington are already bowl eligible.
One more team has to get in considering the head-to-head matchups, but it’s possible the Pac-12 has a nightmare scenario with as many as seven teams not being bowl eligible.
– Arizona loses two of its last three to at Oregon, Utah, at Arizona State
– Arizona State loses its last three games to at Oregon State, Oregon, Arizona
– Cal loses to USC, at Stanford, at UCLA
– Colorado loses to Washington, at Utah
– Oregon State loses two of its last three to Arizona State, at Washington State, at Oregon
– Stanford loses two of its last three at Washington State, Cal, Notre Dame
– UCLA loses two of its last three to at Utah, at USC, Cal
– Washington State loses two of its las three Stanford, Oregon State, at Washington
Done. I’m sorry, Larry Scott.
4. Texas A&M schedule
I wish people would pay more attention to the schedules. I’m tired of having to explain that just because a team has a few losses, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s worse than a team with a better record. Case in point, Texas A&M.
Are the Aggies a killer this year? Not really. They struggled to get by Ole Miss, and they did the nearly impossible and had to work to beat Arkansas. But they’re 6-3 and going bowling.
While that might not seem like any big whoop, consider they already played Clemson at Clemson, Auburn, and Alabama. Start with those three CFP top 11-caliber programs, and then factor in what’s coming – at Georgia, and at LSU.
A&M will end up likely playing three teams going to the College Football Playoff, and at least one other going to a New Year’s Six game.
3. Rivalries
Rivalries are a cop-out.
You can have a lousy season, but come up with one decent win, and boom – that’s supposed to matter.
You can be doing a wonderful job, but fail to come up with regular wins over your rival, and boom – all of the other good you’ve done gets forgotten.
With all of that said, no team in America right now could desperately use something positive more than Michigan State. After losing four straight, and collapsing against Illinois, beating Michigan in Ann Arbor really, really, really, really matters.
2. Florida State’s coaching situation
Deion. Do it, Florida State.
For me, make my all-time favorite college football player your next head coach.
The speed, the flash, the bravado, the game – I was all in.
I don’t care if the program becomes total train wreck during his tenure. I don’t care if things get weird if FSU is a regular on the 7-5 bowl circuit and keeps getting wiped out by Clemson.
I want the press conferences. I want the storyline. I want that guy coaching college football.
It’s not the right move – get Jeff Brohm, FSU – but whatever.
Go for it, Florida State.
With that said …
1. What’s with the USC head coaching job?
I honestly don’t have another name other than Urban Meyer.
I’m asked over and over on various shows who the right guy for the gig is, and I’ve got nothing.
If you’re USC, and – in general – you’ve been assuming that the next logical move for your program and your fan base is to bring on one of the greatest head coaches of all-time, where do you go if it’s not the one guy out there who could turn the thing into a national title contender in a snap?
If and when USC becomes open, it’s the A-list of A-list college gigs. The place can get anyone short of Nick, Dabo and Jimbo at this point, and it’s not insane to assume that Lincoln Riley or Tom Herman would be a moon shot.
Trying to steal away Chris Petersen from Washington or David Shaw from Stanford would be terrific, and PJ Fleck would be an interesting call – although, the act might wear thin fast in LA – but it’s sort of Urban or bust right now, right?
If anyone has a second option, I’m all ears.
NEXT: The sure-thing picks of the century for this week
This week’s reason I should be the SIXTH prognosticator on the set of the new FOX College Football Pregame thingy …
Total speculation with nothing behind it, but my biggest prediction?
Urban Meyer and Lincoln Riley. Next year at this time, one is the head coach of the Cleveland Browns, the other is the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Not sure which one goes where, though.
The sure-thing, 100%, rock-solid lock, sell the house, sell the kids, no doubt about it picks of the century for this week
PICK SO FAR: 51-21 SU, 37-37-3 ATS
Here’s where I failed you.
Last week, I didn’t only go with my 100-star, Master Lock, sure-thing, bet-the-house-bet-the-kids picks of the century for that week. Instead, I picked the biggest games because, well, they were the big games everyone cared about.
I did get Temple -2 over USF right, and I nailed that Wyoming was going cover the 13 against Boise State, but Penn State-Minnesota … whiff. LSU-Alabama, especially the call of going with the under? Got caught looking.
It’s mid-November and it all turns around right now.
Fortunately, these picks are all correct.
If you choose to dabble, sign up with BetMGM though this link to take part in any of these games or other action on the schedule. It’ll make the world a better place.
Using the BetMGM lines …
– Toledo -2 over Northern Illinois
– San Diego State -1.5 over Fresno State
– UNDER 45 on Fresno State at San Diego State
– Wake Forest +33.5 over Clemson (but Clemson outright)
– Baylor +10 over Oklahoma (but Oklahoma outright)
– Florida -7 over Missouri
C.O.W. shameless gimmick item …
The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
5) Overrated: The creepy factor of an 18-year-old Prince Eric trying to marry a 16-year-old mermaid.
Underrated: The creepy factor of a charming prince seeing a 14-year-old passed out Snow White and thinking, “cool, I’m going to go make out with her.”
4) Overrated: Using a holiday to honor our veterans by offering them a discount to buy a stupid product or eat at a dopey restaurant instead of …
Underrated: Just giving the veterans the product or service, you know, for their service.
4) Overrated: Defense
Underrated: Anything related to East Carolina games right now
2) Overrated: Bringing your kid to a sporting event, but …
Underrated: Sometimes, college football gets it really, really right.
1) Overrated: Any other college football wide receiver you’ve ever seen.
Underrated: The late Charles Rogers, who at Michigan State in 2001 and 2002 caught 135 passes for 2,821 yards, averaged 21 yards per grab, scored 27 touchdowns – one rushing score, and returned a kick for a touchdown.
Sorry if this column sucked, I wasn’t my fault …
Everything was perfect. The column was driving down the field with ease, and the gameplan was working on its way to making an emphatic statement. And then came a pause so Trump could get cheered by an adoring crowd.
Immediately after that, the column fumbled just as it was about to go in, LSU marched down the field and scored, the column muffed a punt, LSU scored again, and it was all effectively over.
