'You lookin' at me me?' ... Match of the Day's Alan Hansen
Alan Hansen's emperor has no clothes.
There, I've said it. For too long, the defensive rock upon which Match Of The Day built its reputation has been committing his own cardinal sin: coasting through matches. As is usually the case (unless you're Sol Campbell), there was no spectacular meltdown to which we can attribute his loss of form. Rather it's occurred in incremental stages. Slipping too easily into his fall back clichés; getting too comfy on the sofa alongside his golfing buddies; indulging Ian Wright's paternal bias ... individually, these are hardly cardinal sins. But each displays that Hansen bugbear: a lack of professionalism.
It struck me recently while the usual coterie of Hansen, Mark Lawrenson, Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer pontificated over the last two England games for the BBC. First of all, they laughed at Wrighty's reaction to his son Shaun Wright-Phillips' impressive wing play. Fair enough. Then, in praising Michael Owen's return to form, they descended into a matey in-joke about whose golf clubs Owen had last borrowed. Impartial? Us?
But next, Shearer, on the subject of Gareth Barry, suddenly wondered aloud where "this idea of a holding midfielder" had come from. The answer was sat two feet to his right. Of course, in Shearer's international days, England were still getting over their 20 year hang-up about finding a Kaiser-esque libero. But that was until Hansen treated us all to a dissection of the arts of Claude Makelele, Chelsea's defensive midfielder, a few years ago. It was vintage Hansen. Once again, the public asked why he had never been a manager.
But it wasn't the return to form we all longed for: it was just a reminder of what once had enthralled us every Saturday night. Since then, what insight has he revealed to us? That Gerrard and Lampard struggle to perform together? That Micah Richards is an encouraging prospect? That Sven seems to be a half-decent manager after all? Shocking. His mind's still on those golf clubs.
