UNPLAYABLE WINGER
The transfer window closed a couple of days ago, but we may as well keep banging on about it for another week or two or month or three. After all, there’s nothing much else happening right now that isn’t a Newcastle- or Stratford-based legal minefield. Having said that, even under these trying circumstances it would be hard to fully justify a freestyle jazz riff about Crystal Palace’s hopes for Alexander Sørloth or a 500-word think piece on how Harry Wilson might do while loaned out to Hull City. Riyad Mahrez it is, then.
Happily for long-in-the-tooth daily emails who just want to get to the end of the second paragraph and see how it goes from there, Mahrez once again failed to rock up for training with Leicester City on Friday morning. He’s cashed in a second successive duvet day in the wake of his potential move to medal guarantors Manchester City falling through just before the aforementioned bureaucratic deadline, and a few of his Leicester team-mates are reportedly unimpressed with his sudden absence, left as they are to deal with the daily grind of cruising to work in an SUV, going for a gentle jog, playing babyfoot for an hour or two in the canteen before tucking into a tasty pasta meal, then finally enjoying a full body rubdown featuring therapeutic oils and the dreamy sounds of the pan pipes.
The squad’s put-upon pique comes off the back of Mahrez also missing the midweek trip to Goodison, where fate conspired against Leicester as Kelechi Iheanacho hit post and bar in quick succession while Theo Walcott suddenly relocated his mojo after 12 years of faffing about. What were the odds? At that point in time, Mahrez was preparing for his move north, but Manchester City balked at Leicester’s non-negotiable demand of £80m plus Patrick Roberts, and now here we are. “I will assess Riyad once he has cleared his head and he can come back with us,” says Claude Puel, who confirmed that Mahrez won’t be available for Saturday’s visit of Swansea, leaving fans of creative wingplay hoping Harry Wilson at least gets a run-out at Preston or the whole weekend’s wasted.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Anything new bothers people” – reluctant trailblazer Corinne Diacre talks to Amy Lawrence about her time managing the men at Clermont Foot and life in charge of the France Women’s team.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Amongst the bewildering array of transfer window loan deals, I was struck by the obvious Fiver connexion with young Tin Plavotic, who will be running around as a Barnet Bee for the foreseeable, but could be a euphemism for one of those nights you’d rather not be reminded about” – Robin Young [#WelcomeTin – Fiver Ed].
“Dear Greg Grimmer (yesterday’s Fiver letters). When asking if anyone else spent so much effort to get something so ultimately disappointing on 31 January, especially in The Fiver, surely you know the answer is Peter Odemwingie” – Ferg Slade.
“I really don’t understand Greg’s email regarding not having The Fiver for a whole month due to a spam filter. I’m no IT expert but I generally find that if I follow the links on Big Website I can get to read it five days a week, email spam or no email spam” – Jeremy Adams.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Robin Young.
THE RECAP
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Crystal Palace have suspended long-serving academy director Gary Issott pending the results of an internal investigation into alleged inappropriate behaviour after suggestions emerged he had attempted to shower with members of the club’s under-18s team.
Sam Allardyce reckons Davy Klaassen should have prioritised football over money after his deadline-day move from Everton to Napoli collapsed. “Even if I was losing money I’d be going because I’d want to play football,” honked Allardyce.
José Mourinho has told us what we already know: Manchester United are not going to pip Manchester City to the title. “We have to try to finish second,” he squealed.
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang might not make his Arsenal bow this weekend after catching a cold. “He had sickness, a fever,” sniffed Arsène Wenger.
Blackpool’s owners, the Oyston family, have missed a deadline for the second instalment owed to minority shareholder Valeri Belokon, and they want more time to dig down the back of the sofa and pay the £10m.
And BT Sport aren’t too fussed about losing Premier League matches when the 2019-20 rights go to auction next week. “We always have a ‘Plan B’ if we don’t get what we want,” declared chief honcho Gavin Patterson, licking his lips as Robbie Savage and Chris Sutton gambolled about in the lower field.
STILL WANT MORE?
Aymeric Laporte “adds something special with the ball”. Our man in Spain gives us the lowdown on Manchester City’s latest record signing.
Mesut Özil, Yaya Sanogo and Arsène Wenger’s ticking doomsday clock. By Barney Ronay.
A question of balance for Jürgen Klopp, a mammoth game in the fight for survival and eight more treats to look out for this weekend.
The Mahrez saga demonstrated that being a manager has just got a whole lot tougher. Paul MacInnes on grappling with the wantaways.
Talking of transfer sound and fury, here’s Liam Rosenior on why we should ignore the noise and get back to basics.
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