A grieving mum whose teenage son took his own life during lockdown said the note she got back from police months later helped her come to terms with his death.
Samantha Healey's 17-year-old son, Joshua, took his own life during the first lockdown in April last year.
She described her son as a "thoughtful, caring, kind, loveable young man" whose final words in a note to his family before his death was typical of his selfless nature.
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The Everton FC loving teenager from St Helens was found dead in his bedroom on April 28, 2020, two months after being diagnosed with autism.
Samantha told the ECHO that it was the returning of her son's suicide note by police months later that helped her understand what her son was going through.
She said: "We did have to wait until the October to get them back from the police station.
"Getting Josh's letter back was what sort of gave me closure because I always had in my head I wasn't sure what his final thoughts and final moments had been.
"But his letter of intentions seemed, unfortunately, very calm, very decisive and very him.
"He wanted me to sell all his clothes and all his items and give the money to mental health charities.
"Again, it was just Josh - he was loving to the last, thinking about everybody else. It helped me understand what his mindset was."
Samantha said Joshua had been suffering from anxiety and depression for an number of years and had sought help from mental health services.
She believes his depression plus the lockdown, his recent diagnosis and years of childhood bullying were contributing factors in his death.
Samantha said: "I knew of his struggles with anxiety and depression for many years which was a mixture of a few things.
"It was due to bullying at school that had excessively gone on from a young age, also he had recently been diagnosed with autism which was very much something I had been fighting for fourteen years at that point.
"I was very aware that he was autistic but because he was such a well behaved child I was so lucky. Unfortunately, it wasn't picked up at school no matter how much I pushed.
"The support just wasn't enough and he just couldn't cope.
"We got him into a very small, specialised training centre. It only had 10 kids in it but they all had similar to Josh, anxiety and struggled within the school system.
"It was very good for him and he really came on for 12 months but once he left there and didn't know what his future would hold, and he was struggling with his mental health, then obviously the lockdown happened.
"He wasn't the best at socialising, he did have friends, but he struggled to socialise anyway.
"But because the option wasn't there to do it [socialise during lockdown] and also because he was terrified of what this Covid was, that I think definitely had a contributing factor."
In a loving tribute to her son, Samantha said Joshua "lit up a room" and "everybody loved him".
She added: "At his funeral, even though it was very limited numbers because of Covid, we drove up the street where we used to live and the amount of people that lined the street to say goodbye to him, including teachers from primary school that hadn't seen him for so long, to pay their respects.
"It was overwhelming, but in a good way, showing how much he was loved."
Since Josh's death, Samantha has worked closely to fundraise and spread awareness for mental health charities such as Papyrus (young persons suicide charity).
She also has a special mention for her son's beloved club, Everton, who she said have given the family incredible support.
The club are dedicating a brick at their new mental health in the community centre on Spellow Lane in Joshua's memory.
Samantha said: "Everton have been so supportive from day one with us. It's our club, we're blues born and bred - he went to the football with myself, with his nan and his granddad from four-years-old.
"I always get choked up when I talk about Everton as they've just been absolutely amazing.
"This year was the first proper year at Everton where the fans could go back. We managed to get his face on the big screen on what would have been his 19th birthday in August."
Samantha added: "I went for the first time last week, that was my first time back at Goodison since Josh passed away.
"It was hard but it was nice to be back in the atmosphere again of everything that he loved."
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