I had a strange experience with “Godzilla vs. Kong,” which premiered in theaters and on HBO Max March 26: It reminded me of lessons learned from a 43-year-old comic book story.
“Let There Be Battle!” was published in “Tales to Astonish” #100, an example of a 1960s phenomenon called a “split book.” Every month, half the pages of “Tales to Astonish” were devoted to a Hulk story, and half to a Sub-Mariner story. In the 100th issue, “Astonish” astonished fans by combining the two features for a special 22-page story, a Hulk vs. Sub-Mariner donnybrook.
Well! That was really something in 1968!
In those days, Marvel Comics was still pretty young. While its predecessor companies stretched back to 1939, Marvel Universe canon only went back to the launch of “Fantastic Four” in 1961. Stories that happened earlier, like Sub-Mariner’s adventures in the 1940s and 1950s, only counted if they were referenced post-1961.
So many of the Marvel characters had yet to be stretched to their limits. Fans really didn’t know who was strongest among Marvel’s heavy hitters. And some, like Hulk and Sub-Mariner, had appeared in the same stories fighting other people, but had never battled each other.
So “Tales of Astonish” promised to answer the time-honored fan question of who would win in a fight between two strong characters. And we could only hope it wouldn’t be a repeat of similar fights, like Hulk vs. Thor in “Journey into Mystery” #112 (1965), where the Emerald Behemoth and the Thunder God battled to a draw.
And that’s “Godzilla vs. Kong.” It’s not a serious movie, in the sense that it’s an organic progression in the Godzilla and Kong franchises, which it is not. It exists to scratch that age-old fan itch: “Who would win in a fight?”
Now, I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m going to answer the question, “Who would win in a fight,” no matter who the contestants are.
The answer is: Whoever the writer says will win.
Pow! You want to see pop singer Dazzler beat the planet-eating Galactus? Yep, that happened. And Squirrel Girl defeated Dr. Doom once. Preposterous, yes. But that’s what the writer wrote, and that’s what got published.
So I don’t need to tell you who won in “Tales to Astonish” #100, because it doesn’t matter. Stan Lee, who wrote the story, could crown either character the victor. And he could reverse the story the next time they fought, if he wanted to. The trick, for the writer, is to avoid alienating fans of either character.
For the record, Lee achieved that with “Let There Be Battle!” In the story, Sub-Mariner proved stronger in the water, and Hulk proved stronger on land. Which, if you think about it, is a pretty clever solution.
And a similar thing happened in “Godzilla vs. Kong.” The giant ape was at a disadvantage in the water, while the big lizard wasn’t as agile on land. Both were downed at least once, and both nearly died at different points (only to be revived by the humans).
I think the Big G won on points, even though I was rooting for Kong. (In a fight between a lizard and a mammal, I have to side with my own tribe.) But that was clearly a plot necessity; one of them had to be on his feet when Mechagodzilla showed up, or the robot ends the movie right then and there. And that almost had to be Godzilla, because every Toho fan wanted to see that fight, too. (Kong wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying a choice for fans of 1974’s “Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla.”)
Other observations:
— While I enjoyed “Godzilla vs. Kong,” and it’s making tons of money, I actually enjoyed “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019) a lot more, even though it was a financial disappointment. But the earlier movie seemed to have more and better giant kaiju fights, which is what we’re all there for.
— On a related note, the human stories are always the least interesting part of giant monster movies, and they were more boring than usual in “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Why was Kyle Chandler, who portrays Dr. Mark Russell, even in this movie? Russell had a lovely story arc in “G:KOTM,” and my partner and I had a bet on whether or not he was going to end up with the Japanese scientist played by Ziyi Zhang. But Zhang’s Dr. Chen didn’t even appear in “GVK,” and Russell didn’t do much of anything but reaction shots.
— Well, Russell also had a couple of scenes being a really ineffective parent. Seriously, was this just some sort of contractual obligation?
— Russell is the parent of Madison “Maddie” Russell, played by Millie Bobby Brown of “Stranger Things” fame. She was quite effective in “King of the Monsters,” being a teenager whose loyalties were torn between two warring, divorced parents.
— But, boy, when she showed up wearing makeup in “Godzilla vs. Kong,” my heart stopped. My partner calmly explained that, yes, teenage girls can’t wait to start wearing makeup and sexy clothes, and yes, their parents hate it. That makes perfectly logical sense, but I nevertheless felt the terror and bottomless despair all parents must feel in those situations, even though I’m not her parent. But I feel parental anyway. I’ve watched Brown grow up on “Stranger Things,” and I don’t want her to be an adult so soon.
— Also disappointing: She and her two companions were comedy relief, even though Brown’s character in the previous movie was presented as super-serious. Brown being used as snicker-bait is bad enough, but her friends were worse. The fat kid had no business being there except to encourage us to laugh at the fat kid, which is just not appropriate in 2021. The third guy was a conspiracy theorist whose wild theories we were supposed to find amusing, but these days conspiracy theories are mainstream — and not a bit funny.
— When you’re a comic book reader, it’s second nature to mentally line up two combatants’ superpowers to see who has the edge, and expect the writer to level the field so the fight isn’t over on Page 2. So I noted with satisfaction that the writers gave Kong an Atomic Axe. Or maybe a Cosmic Club? Anyway, both Kong and Godzilla are huge and super-strong, so they’re fairly matched in those departments. But the Big G has nuclear breath, an extra power the ape doesn’t have, so Kong needed an equalizer.
— You know, now that I think about it, Mechagodzilla trounced Godzilla, and it was Kong who took the robot down (with a nuclear-breath assist). So maybe the title bout really was a draw.
“Godzilla vs. Kong” just didn’t make a whole of sense, and seemed almost divorced from the movies that led up to it. But it succeeded in the Big Monster Fights.
It’s not Hulk vs. Sub-Mariner, but it’ll do.
