Cannes film festival: The movies being flogged at the Marché

When the lights go out at most Cannes film festival screenings, an awed hush falls over the audience, and the only sounds are gasps of appreciation, critics jotting down inspired judgements ... and the sound of grisly, drippy feeding Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Horror is something of a leifmotif at the market. Especially one-word horror titles. Witness Primal ... Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

... Hidden ("Perhaps the scariest Norwegian movie ever") ... Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Growth ... evidently a real spine-tingler ... Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

... Smile, about the perils of over-flossing ... Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Woggle horror The Scout ... Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

And in case you still weren't sated, a double bill of The Pack and Humans Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Some films seem to be of foggier genre. I Spit On Your Grave could be an uncomplicated horror, a southern European revenge thriller, or a drooling church warden comedy Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Whatever the answer it seems to feature the same camera-shy leading lady as Michael Douglas thriller Solitary Man Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Danny De Vito was third-billed in Solitary Man. But there were lower depths to sink to Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Speaking of barrel-scraping, here we have a 10-years-too-late mobile horror that's so behind the curve it's reduced to using the title Hand Phone Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Gun posters now. But the grammar here defeats me: is he stalking a beast? A beastly stalker? Or is there a typo: The Best Stalker? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Ineptly Photoshopped revolvers in the poster for Tom Sizemore's latest. But who needs to see it with a tagline like that? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

It's apparently all good in Stripped Naked: "A killer body and a gun ... what's not to like?" That name for a start: doesn't Cassie sound like a spaniel? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

No ammo required here: the star of High Kick Girl! is packing heat with just her tootsies Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Speaking of heat, Sam Neill is too close to the cooker in Under the Mountain Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Is there a word missing at the end of this title? Nerve? Cheek? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Who knew there'd been even one sequel to Ashton Kutcher spooker The Butterfly Effect? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

One for the children now. A pig wearing rather green culottes and a cupcake on his head rides past the moon - it can only mean one thing: McDull Kung Fu Kindergarten Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Another kiddie classic in the making, dolly comedy Air Doll Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

The festival programmers missed a trick leaving this out of the comp. Hadn't they heard about the Dardenne brothers' change of direction? Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Oh dear, Elisabeth Shue – from The Karate Kid and that Oscar nomination for Leaving Las Vegas, to this Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Kites, I take it, is a romantic drama inspired by the Bodyform ads of the early 90s Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

While Turkish Delight ads of the late 70s prove a springboard for Frankie & Alice Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Late breaking news today was that Robert De Niro and Ed Norton have teamed up to pen a trashy airport thriller Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Jeff Goldblum appears to be rethinking his involvement in Adam Resurrected Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian

Finally a poster that gets it right: no naff pictures, just the words Jason Statham in super-sized type Photograph: Catherine Shoard/Guardian