Not a criminal in sight: two mime artists carry an invisible painting in Hyde Park. Photograph: Graham Turner
In an attempt to reclaim public parks and other urban danger zones for its upright rather than horizontal citizenry, the city of Seattle has hit upon a neat solution. It's paying buskers to perform there in the hope that an atmosphere of civic jollity will ensue, criminals will abandon their leafy hideouts and shadowy rookeries, and levity, decency and joie de vivre will flow back to these once grand killing fields. The fact that it might push up property prices for a big sell-off, put bearded hula-hoop-twirling Bob Dylan impersonators in the line of stray bullets and keep the main shopping streets clear of tap dancers at lunchtime has not been mentioned.
Would the UK benefit from such a scheme? Could a hurdy-gurdy man on the streets of Moss Side prevent gun battles? Would stabbers be deterred by hearing Ralph McTell's Streets of London as they prepared "just to scratch" their perceived disrespecter through the heart? Street artists as crime fighters? The Metropolitan police could go undercover - taught by buskers to play Hotel California, while receiving training in unarmed combat. Could you be Tasered by unicylists in Covent Garden, rather than just sworn at for not giving enough change?
The results of Seattle's scheme are yet to be seen, but apparently some fights have been stopped because the combatants were laughing too much to murder each other. This must be a good thing I suppose, but imagine what it could lead to? Clowns on every corner, saxophone players with taped backing in every doorway and our green spaces inhabited by ukulele orchestras. As far as I can see, the only way these buskers could diffuse anger and urban aggression would be to direct it all onto themselves - making it virtually suicidal to attempt Wonderwall in public - so maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.
