Napoleon Bonaparte had no real interest in fine dining. Even in later life, when he was in glamorous exile on St Helena, he ate simply and fairly austerely.
But he was also a control freak, to the point that the soldiers in the Grand Army were rationed with a meal of his own design: “Soup, boiled beef, a roasted joint and some vegetables; no dessert.”
Readers with long memories and well-developed grudges are still sending me hate-mail about my opinions on soup, but I stand by them: the thing about soup is that the first sip is delicious, the second the same, but after that, all the remaining sips are increasingly boring. Soup is a meal without a second act; the correct way to serve it is in a very shallow bowl that leaves your guests wanting more.
History doesn’t record how much soup Napoleon liked, but we do know what temperature he wanted it: piping hot. This does at least have the effect of enlivening the soup experience, because on the first sip you think: “Christ, that’s hot!” On the second sip you think: “Ouch, too hot”; on the third sip it’s still not quite right, and so, by the time you have any thoughts about the soup other than temperature, you have so few sips left that the whole process is less monotonous than it otherwise would be.
Next up: the boiled beef. I like boiled beef a great deal: not only is it delicious, but it is easy to cook, and is late-dinner-guest proof. Bung your mushrooms, onions and beef in a nice pot for four hours, leave it and hey presto! Boiled beef.
But the problem with cooking à la Napoleon – or, rather, like his chefs – is that after the boiled beef, you have to eat another joint of meat, when all I want to do after some boiled beef is sit down and not make any sudden movements for a while. Far from being ready to invade half of Europe, I’m not sure I can even bring myself to invade the kitchen after polishing off that little lot.
Bad weather, bad admirals and bad luck have been blamed for the fall of Napoleon’s armies – I’m convinced that the real problem was good eating.
- Stylist: Stephanie Iles
