Here today, gong tomorrow: host Russell Brand gets his Brits out. Photograph: Nicky Johnston/ITV Digital Image
So, the Brit Awards. For the first time in years, if not decades, it looks as if the UK's big-gun music ceremony tomorrow will have its work cut out to eclipse last weekend's Grammys. Normally it's the other way around - the Grammys are so institutionally dull that the Brits invariably provide better viewing, if only because the winners are younger and better-looking.
But on Sunday the Grammys produced two notable moments the Brits won't be able to match, unless host Russell Brand has something unimaginable up his sleeve. The Dixie Chicks' board-sweeping triumph showed which way the political wind is blowing, and the Police played together for the first time in 23 years. (Why does the latter matter? Because the group made a string of singles so enduring that 27 years later the Arctic Monkeys referenced one on When the Sun Goes Down.)
That leaves the Brits with a fair bit to live up to, and despite Brand promising that he's "looking forward to being the ringleader of a carnival of mayhem," the tragic fact is that mayhem will be conspicuous by its absence. For years, the event has presented itself as the anything-can-happen night, milking ancient memories of the Jarvis/Jacko and John Prescott/Chumbawamba confrontations as an inducement for viewers to tune in (especially this year, when it will be broadcast live for the first time since 1989).
But if Brand did do anything outrageous, such as braining Noel Gallagher with Oasis' Outstanding Contribution trophy it would end his career - and possibly Gallagher's, depending on the extent of his injuries - and that's just not going to happen. Ergo, don't expect muck or shock. Do expect to wake up Thursday morning to find the UK music business unrocked on its axis.
Almost forgot: who will win? According to the News of the World, which surely can't have a mole at the company that handles PR for the Brits, Lily Allen (best British female and album), James Morrison (British male) and Razorlight (British band) will go home happy. It also says Robbie Williams, currently in rehab, will win best live act.
If these predictions turn out to be true, then nominees Amy Winehouse, Jarvis and the Arctic Monkeys have been robbed. We can only hope that a tipsy Winehouse is so incensed that she leads Jarvis and the Monkeys in a naked stage invasion to set things right.
