Bournemouth might have hoped they’d escaped the bitter breeze of the south coast with a trip to Putney and the warmth of one the country’s most polluted high-streets. But no sooner did they find the holes in Fulham’s defence were well-tailored to Craven Cottage’s architecture.
Slavisa Jokanovic has altered his defensive line-up this season - six times in 10 games - to the effect of a playschool paper mache class. But it’s not tactical mismanagement which had left the Whites with soiled sheets in all nine of their Premier League games this season prior to today.
Instead, it has been mindless moments of individual calamity. And little after Jokanovic stressed his side’s need dispel such mistakes was Timothy Fosu-Mensah barging into Callum Wilson in the penalty box like the tottering drunkards who spill out onto the Kings Road in the early hours around these parts.
Sergio Rico, granted a first Premier League appearance this season in spite of Marcus Bettenelli being handed a contract extension yesterday, was helpless to Wilson’s dribble down the middle. Twelve minutes gone and Fulham’s exemplary record of defensive lethargy had been extended.
It’s easy to sympathise with Jokanovic, who has managed everywhere from Israel to Thailand, but nowadays the hard-nosed export of the Eastern Bloc looks as bereft of ideas as during his short stint in Sofia, Bulgaria.
It’s not to say Fulham didn’t start with the attacking verve which makes them such an endearing, albeit unpolished, side. It was they who had the best chances of the first half as Andre Schurrle hammered a winding half-volley into Asmir Begovic’s chest and Kevin McDonald came but inches away after finding space at the near-post from a corner.
But it was the White’s clearest run on goal which perhaps best summarised the first half: Aboubakar Kamara crumpling to the floor in the box as though in a BTEC drama class before standing to referee Andre Marriner’s yellow card salute for his blatant dive.
Each week Fulham are granted a grave reminder that the Premier League pantheon is not one in which you can continually present your bare backside to the opposition and expect not to be caned.
Clearly, however, it was Jokanovic who dished out the hidings as Fulham finally reemerged with welcome nastiness in place of the typical naive nicety.
Ryan Sessgnon began to career down the left-wing, while the biggest rapture of the match came when the returning Tom Cairney was introduced on the hour. The returning talisman instantly became the White’s midfield guide, like a commanding lighthouse to what one quickly realised had before been the bobbing of captain-less dinghies.
But like the crazed cat who hardwires into a five-minute spree of empty-headed leaping, reckless defending again cued Fulham’s combustion. Ryan Fraser was allowed to break at the knee-knocked defence with impossible space before releasing David Brooks, who ran beyond the spectre of Fulham’s last man and slid through the legs of Sergio Rico.
Moments later, Fulham’s captain, Kevin McDonald scythed down Brooks who was well embarked on another breakaway as the home side began to chuck bodies forward at random and little later did Wilson bag his seventh of the season after Ryan Sessegnon waved him on towards goal like a traffic marshal.
Shahid Khan dismissed the notion that the tresses of his moustache are concealing a cold sneer in the direction of the manager. He claimed before the match that he was “equal parts amused, astonished and disappointed” at speculation he may sack his manager. Yet, it’s hard not to imagine after another lacklustre performance that one corner of that triangle has become rather more pointed.
At least, amid Putney’s posh smog, some breath remains for Fulham. Today’s conquering Cherries endured a similarly open-legged start to the season on the back of promotion in 2015. Now Eddie Howe’s ethereal men are enjoying their best run of form in Premier League history.
