So that's it, Jayne has become the eighth housemate to be evicted from this year's Big Brother house. How predictable was that? I'll tell you how predictable that was - I'm writing this last Sunday. That's how predictable. She's not even been nominated yet and it's already clear which bubble-headed rebel will be clumping down those stairs come Friday...
Alright, admittedly, I might be lying a tiny bit. Not about Jayne being evicted - oh no, that's true, I swear to Michael (or whoever's declared themselves to be God today). But it is Friday night really, and Davina, swishing her lovely hair, has announced that Jayne is due to be untimely ripped from the comfortable womb of the world's biggest Lego house. Shouty Jayne herself had a premonition based on mascara about leaving tonight - and you know what? The mascara was right.
Will we miss her? Well, the comments on Alexia's blog earlier today would seem to indicate not, really. "Can you imagine the pure horror of working with Jayne??" wrote Bauhaus "...I mean someone somewhere must share an office, tube, wine bar with her." Which, while undoubtably true, is something I'd rather not think about - for some reason when I think of her I imagine her in Yates wine lodge. On a hen night. Wearing devil horns, L-plates, and a dress that revealed most of her bottom. And now I feel a bit woozy. Replying to Bauhaus's comment, holyreverendflapjack suggests the only worse thing would be meeting her 'at a duck hunt' - a situation I personally imagine would go a bit 'Dick Cheney', all too soon.
I've been trying to work out what she looks like since the moment the lights first came up in the House Next Door. While a sloth, or (whatever the primate with the flat, round face is) was the clear front runner for a while, it was soon eclipsed by first 'Eddie Izzard in disguise', then an overwhelming sense that she looks like the moon itself. Eventually we realised the truth. That instead of a head, the woman has an over-inflated balloon on which someone's drawn a face, in marker pen. That's it. She has a marker-penned-balloon for a head.
Still, she's certainly looking a bit deflated now. She's been let down. Her bubble's been burst. Insert your own balloon joke here.
They must have been frantic in the editing suite these last few days, trying to make Richard look bad enough to make him a true contender for the boot. But at the end of the day, the unvanquished annoyance of the public has won out over cynical producers ploys. Power to the people (power to the annoyed people).
You can see why Big Brother might have been desperate to keep her in. While Jayne was breaking rules, no matter how petty, they had the perfect excuse to relieve the mid-period humdrum and make something bloody happen for once - all in the name of 'punishment', of course.
For the very same reason, fans have been begging each other in the forum to keep her in - for content alone.
She's a big personality, and while having Richard in there might provide more friction - the 'plastics' aren't keen on him at all, poor poppets (though the feeling is more than reciprocated), and tension with the new Head of Tantrum (Michael) is bound to reach fever pitch as time goes on, as the war rages on over who is The Most Gay.
Perhaps Richard has had his time. He certainly doesn't seem to be enjoying himself anymore. But whatever the should-have-beens, the public have decided, and in he stays. And there's one very good reason for keeping him in - his professed phobia of pregnant women means that his exit interview with Davina (and her lovely hair) is only going to get funnier the longer he's left in there.
So bye bye Jane. You may have had a face that looked like a reflection in a gigantic spoon more than a real face, a piercing laugh and the ability to bang on about the dullest things for seemingly ever, but you were at least more interesting than the other poor buggers sinking into the dull-myre as they are.
But the thing was, with all her rule-breaking, loud aggressive manner and unrepentant mouth-farting, it's clear she really will be missed by the other housemates. She must has some pretty convincing winning qualities that I (and the voting public) are missing, because for reasons I may never understand, they really do seem to like her in there.
Still, if we're ever to find out what the Brotherites saw in Jayne, it's now, in Davinan deconstruction. After that, she'll simply slip back into (the) Slough, and go back to being a bus driver. Was she a bus driver? Well, if she wasn't, she should've been. Maybe she can be now. The world is her whelk.
This post will be updated after the interview...
10.36pm: Interview highlights
Frankly, the fact that Davina and Jayne were dressed almost identically was one of the most memorable things about the whole interview. It was like the pregnant presenter was facing the winner of a Primark-sponsored Davina-lookalike competition in the cross-dressing community.
Did she learn anything about herself? Well, she might not be a team player, apparently. Did she like everyone? Yes, she loved them all, they were lovely. Would she do it again? Of course. Can she do a burp for us on demand? Oh, what do you think?..
One of the most touching moments wasn't - perhaps unsurprisingly - when Jayne was talking. It was while they were walking from the house to the studio. As Jayne stopped and posed for the photographers, Davina turned to camera and said "I always love this bit. It's like playing at being famous." And so it is. In fact, in the case of most reality contestants nowadays, it's almost as much exposure as they can expect. Perhaps they should let them do it for longer. Milk it. Stay out there for the whole half hour - or even the whole night. Hey! we could see who could stay out there the longest! It would be like 'Touch the Truck' with flash bulbs! Get Endemol on the phone, this is television GOLD!
Next week: A double eviction. Well, it had to happen some time, with their affection for throwing newbies in the house every nine seconds. So, they're going to 'double up' - let's assume in some chained-together situation, and at the end of the week, there'll be two BB bottoms bouncing down those silver stairs.
Now, which two are we apathetic about the least? Imogen? Mikey? The older lady? That new girl who seems to be about twelve and is in every other way completely unmemorable? Get'em aht, I say? Who? All of them! Or just two! Whatever!
