Arriving in Gateshead for Labour's spring conference I was shocked by the latest weapon the party has wheeled out of its campaign arsenal: it's called positive campaigning. Even the most hardened hacks in the pressroom were appalled.
Just as we've got used to posters of Michael Howard and Oliver Letwin as flying pigs and Alastair Campbell's abusive emails to the BBC, Labour seeks to persuade the public to re-elect them by promising them a better future. It'll never catch on.
Luckily there's already a conspiracy theory doing the rounds about the party's six pledges – covering health, education, the economy, childcare, law and order and immigration and asylum – that one was a last minute addition.
Writing in the New Statesman, John Kampfner claims that "recent panic polling" prompted party managers to add the pledge to protect Britain's borders and combat asylum abuse and illegal immigration.
One press officer has already described the idea to me as "rubbish" and "total bollocks" - but who knows? Though the prime minister's long-term concern about asylum and immigration – particularly its capacity to harm Labour's election chances - suggests that it's unlikely.
Labour party managers are also frustrated with journalists' questions on whether the pledges are new or not. For much of their content is drawn from the government's published five-year plans.
They point out that they are "new" in the sense that they haven't been implemented yet, and won't be unless Labour is re-elected. They also whisper that the last pledge, on childcare, will have something new for the media to get excited about. We'll see.
By the way, if you fancy asking Tony Blair a question, now's your chance. You can send your query via the Labour party website - so your inquiry about the nature of imperialism might not quite reach the top of the pile - he'll be answering those that do tomorrow afternoon.
