‘ARRY AND DEC
The worst kept secret in showbusiness has been confirmed – ‘Arry Redknapp will be participating in this year’s series of I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here! So rife had speculation been, due in no small part to the fact ‘Arry basically kept telling anyone who enquired that, yes, he’d signed up for the show, that jokes about him taking Niko Kranjcar, Milan Mandaric’s chequebook or the driver’s side door of a Range Rover with fully functioning electric window as his luxury item have been doing the rounds of assorted social media disgraces for weeks.
Arguably the best known of the dozen or so celebrities ranging from Noel Edmonds to hardhat-wearing DIY SOS presenter Nick Knowles, heading down the celebrity ladder towards several other reality-show contestants The Fiver has never heard of and an obligatory actor from Hollyoaks, the 71-year-old football manager will be confined to the Australian jungle from next Sunday night. There, he will sleep in a hammock and live on a staple diet of boiled rice and water unless he and his fellow contestants can successfully complete tasks that involve being immersed in water, entombed in coffins full of rats, spiders or snakes; the consumption of witchetty grubs and kangaroo testicles or – if he’s really unlucky – trying to get a tune out of Marco Boogers.
While ‘Arry has admitted he’s no Ray Mears and that his bushcraft skills extend no further than walking his dogs, he does appear to be looking forward to the experience. “I think this will be fun,” he says in the show’s promo video, having freely admitted that he’s never actually seen an episode. “I don’t have any idea what I’m in for, no. Who’s going to wash my pants? I’m pretty useless at looking after myself. I don’t know about eating all these bugs and all these things … I’ve never tried it. I like a bit of calamari.”
Quizzed on how he plans to get on with his fellow celebs, as they get increasingly tired and hungry and generally driven to the brink of insanity by the upbeat can-do spirit and guitar noodlings of Knowles, ‘Arry says he’ll just try to get along with the other contestants, many of whom are young enough to be his grandchildren. “Be nice to everybody because there ain’t nobody out there any better than anyone else,” he says. “And I believe this very strongly. It’s an adventure, I’m looking forward to it. You only get one life and you’ve got to give it the best crack what you can.” And if the best crack what you can involves wearing a slouch hat and red prison fatigues, b@ntering with 50% of Ant & Dec and Holly Willoughby and sticking your head in a Perspex box, then ‘Arry is game and up for it. As no end of deadline days prove, working against the clock in the hunt for game-changing stars is his very raison d’être.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Nobody judged me, no one was asking if I was clean, I wasn’t defined by my past. Addiction causes isolation but football gave me connections. My family came to watch, as did friends who I’d lost contact with over the years” – Craig McManus, representing Scotland at the Homeless World Cup in Mexico, explains why the tournament is so important.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Zquirez on the fallout from the Manchester derby.
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FIVER LETTERS
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Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can tweet The Fiver for a very short time, as that account is shutting down. You’ll always be able to get in touch by tweeting @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Andy Johnston.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Brentford technical director Robert Rowan has died aged 28. “All our thoughts are with Robert’s wife, his family and all his friends – many of whom work at Brentford FC,” said a club statement.
Uefa has warned Manchester City that it may have to pull its finger out and reopen the FFP investigation from 2014 after allegations published in Der Spiegel accused City’s Abu Dhabi owners of trying to circumvent rules.
Joe Cole, last seen chugging around a pitch for the Tampa Bay Rowdies, has announced his retirement. “A senior pro, who was nearing his own retirement, said to me: ‘Enjoy every game, young man. It goes by in the blink of an eye and you’ll miss it badly after it’s gone.’ He was right,” sniffed Cole.
Danny Welbeck has had two operations to help fix his broken ankle. “Both procedures went well. Danny will now recuperate and start his rehabilitation. It’s too early to say how long this will take,” said an Arsenal statement.
Liverpool striker Daniel Sturridge has been charged by the FA with misconduct for allegedly playing fast and loose with its betting rules although he insists he has “never gambled on football”.
Kieran Trippier will not play in England’s games against USA! USA!! USA!!! and Croatia after suffering groin-gah.
The plaudits just keep on coming for Gareth Southgate, who has been named an “Honorary Yorkshireman” at the White Roses gongs ceremony for being an “inspirational individual who has made a big impact” on the county. “I’ve lived here longer than I’ve lived in any other part of the country, the values and friendliness of the people has been incredible,” he cheered.
And Notts County have gone and flamin’ sacked Harry Kewell. “We see no reason to continue with something we don’t think can work,” salted a club statement.
STILL WANT MORE?
Dominic Fifield went along to the International Player Care Conference and discovered a network of good eggs.
What is the next goal for women’s football? Suzanne Wrack has the answer.
John Stones is being quietly magnificent for Manchester City, coos Barney Ronay.
What must Manchester United do to stop the stagnation? Well, an overhaul of their squad would help, suggests Jamie Jackson.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
