There is a fine line between making yourself stressed and miserable pursuing perfection, and finding contentment while still achieving excellence. Knowing the difference can ward off burnout.
"Perfectionism is a way of thinking, feeling and acting based on idealized, flawlessly high standards," said psychologist Bob Rosen. "Achieving excellence is the pursuit of high standards with flexibility and self-acceptance."
Rosen has advised over 600 CEOs as the founder of Healthy Companies, a leadership development firm.
"The secret to unlocking our potential and living our best life is to cut bait on unhealthy attachments," he said. "These attachments could be to ideas, people, ideals and behaviors that prevent us from being our best selves and achieving excellence."
Don't Wait For Burnout To Start Practicing Self-Care
High achiever Tiffany Moon graduated from Cornell at 19, finished at the top of her medical school class by 23 and became an anesthesiologist. She is also a mother and founder of three companies.
She says she used to think self-care was something people did when they couldn't keep up. Moon now recognizes that self-care allows her to keep going in a sustainable way.
"Self-care isn't selfish. It's how we stay well enough to take care of the people and things we care about," she said.
For Moon, that means blocking out four hours every Sunday to do things she might not be able to during the week. These include taking a sauna and cold plunge, reviewing her calendar, meditating and reading.
"It lets me start my week sane," she said.
Rosen says to practice the main dimensions of well-being: your physical, emotional, intellectual, social, career and spiritual health.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparison to another person is the "thief of joy," Moon, the author of "Joy Prescriptions," said. Sadly though, comparison "is the default setting for so many of us," she added.
Comparison leads nowhere constructive. You either spend time and energy envying another person or feeling bad about yourself. Who wants to sign up for that?
When you find yourself comparing, Moon suggests asking yourself this: "What are things I could learn from this person?"
"When we shift from comparing to connecting with someone, we create space for collaboration, deeper relationships and peace of mind," she said.
Let Go Of The Word 'Should' To Avoid Burnout
Legendary Hall of Fame basketball coach Phil Jackson would dismiss questions from reporters about missed opportunities in a game by saying "Coulda, shoulda, woulda."
Moon agrees: "The word 'should' is a red flag. I 'should' work more. I 'should' be further along."
"The second I stopped living by 'shoulds' and started making choices based on what's actually aligned with my values, everything changed," she added.
Watch How You Talk to Yourself To Achieve Excellence
Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself when you're down or disappointed in yourself? Probably not.
"I always joke that you'll never be meaner to me than I am to myself," Moon said. While it's true most high-achieving people have a relentless inner critic, "Be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace," she said.
Psychologist Rosen, the author of "Detach: Ditch Your Baggage to Live a More Fulfilling Life," adds to "Confront your inner critic and embrace your best work, not your perfect work."
He advises to speak and act with "constructive impatience" toward yourself.
Confront Your Fears Of Failure And Burnout
Identify what is driving your need for perfectionism to unhealthy levels. Is it fear of not having enough money? Not being enough? Fears of inadequacy or insignificance?
Many executives are of course driven to be successful. "But when our desire for success turns into a compulsive need for achievement, we've got a real problem," Rosen said.
He says many people often define success from other people's expectations, and not their own.
So, ask yourself a simple but magical question: When it's all said and done, "what do you truly need to be happy and fulfilled?"
Fall In Love With Your Imperfections
In striving for excellence, business people often get tripped up by their attachment to the ideal and pursuit of perfection. The actual comforting truth is, "We all are imperfect by nature," Rosen said.
We all have things we wish we just were naturally better at or could improve on. Most people have regrets they wish they could correct.
"By accepting our shortcomings, you can befriend your imperfections and loosen your attachment to perfection. You can rebalance your work and avoid the workaholism that perfection drives," Rosen said. "Love yourself unconditionally and get comfortable with who you are and what you have."
