Western Bulldogs star Jamarra Ugle-Hagan has opened up about his mental ill health for the first time since taking a leave of absence.
The former No.1 pick is looking to make his AFL comeback after recently visiting a health retreat in northern NSW in an effort to get his life and career back on track.
Ugle-Hagan has not played this season, but rejoined Bulldogs teammates last week for the first time since April.
He had been unable to regularly train with the Dogs since late last year.
The 23-year-old took part in a light training session at Whitten Oval, but could still be weeks away from a possible comeback at VFL level.
Speaking with ex-AFL players Mitch Robinson and Rhys Mathieson on the Rip Through It podcast, Ugle-Hagan revealed the extent of his battle, which has included suicidal thoughts.
"All the noises actually sent me to a rehab facility for my mental health," Ugle-Hagan said.
"It got to a point where I had to give my car to a mate, so I couldn't drive.''
Ugle-Hagan said he often felt isolated, and turned to alcohol at the height of his struggles, before spending time at the health retreat.
"When you are down, you want to keep finding an upper," he said.
"My upper was probably staying and hanging out with my mates and getting on the piss, and training with them as well.
"But it just had no end goal. I didn't have a game. I didn't have anything.
"My mental health wasn't in the right space, so I was struggling, and I found it really tough to even enjoy football."
The AFL would need to approve Ugle-Hagan's comeback because he has been under the league's mental health plan since taking leave.
But Ugle-Hagan, who is contracted to the Bulldogs until the end of next season, said he was adamant about resuming his 67-game AFL career.
Bulldogs coach Luke Beveridge last week raised the same prospect.
"I want to play footy. I can't wait to play footy," Ugle-Hagan said.
"I want to kick a f***ing goal in front of those crowds.
"I have been watching every single Bulldogs game. I have been supporting them, been watching them.
"I will go to games at the end of the year. I genuinely want to play one more (game), I want to play some games.
"It's going to be grouse."
Ugle-Hagan maintained his commitment to the Bulldogs after trade speculation linked him with a possible trade to the Sydney Swans, given his time spent in NSW.
He led the Bulldogs with a career-best 43 goals in 22 appearances last year, but has not featured at any level since the elimination final defeat to Hawthorn.
Beveridge has also swatted away suggestions Ugle-Hagan could be on the move, declaring him "our player".
"I'm obviously still contracted with the Doggies and I still want to play for them and I want to win a flag," Ugle-Hagan said.
"It's the Bulldogs until my contract runs out and then hopefully they offer me another one, but we will see how we go.
"They have given me opportunities since day dot, so why can't I get back?"
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