Voting for the Heisman Trophy feels like walking into a booth on Election Day and being told you can't pick 90 percent of the candidates ... even though they're on the ballot.
If you're not a quarterback, running back or the occasional comet of a receiver who returns kicks, you're essentially unelectable.
But why?
With the Heisman deadline upon us, the biggest awards pedestal in college athletics remains as dusty and predictable as ever.
The top five candidates on the most recent Heisman polls from ESPN and USA Today are listed, in order: quarterback, quarterback, quarterback, quarterback and _ take a wild guess _ quarterback. We're so change-averse in sports, in society, that it's easier to mindlessly massage the old rather than strain to consider the new.
So, let's strain. Let's re-consider.
Mainstream thinking implores voters to support Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa. And if you don't vote for him, you definitely better vote for Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray.
What about Alabama offensive tackle Jonah Williams? What about Clemson defensive tackle Christian Wilkins? What about Houston wrecking ball Ed Oliver, perhaps the best of them all?
Oliver, despite missing a third of the season with an injured knee, might be the most singularly talented, most impactful to his team, most NFL-ready with the most "mosts" at one of the positions voters relegate to the Heisman's version of the witness protection program.
As a freshman, Oliver piled up an absurd 22 tackles for a loss. As a sophomore, he ran away with the Outland Trophy. When hurt, he was on pace to finish in the Top 10 for TFLs in a career. If Oliver played his senior season, which he won't, he was likely to fly by all-time leader Khalil Mack.
Before Oliver bruised his knee, the Cougars stood 6-1 with the lone loss a shootout at Texas Tech. In the four games he missed, they stumbled to a pedestrian 2-2 with a loss to now 5-7 SMU.
If Tagovailoa wins, it's hardly cause for a federal investigation. He might deserve to win, after all. In fact, it's tricky footing to argue he doesn't.
But if he fails to stand at the podium, another quarterback will ... with more of the same lined up behind him.
But why?
Does anyone believe that not one defensive player or offensive lineman has been the best in a given season, ever? Not a single time, since Jay Berwanger scooped up the first stiffened arm in 1935?
How do we know former Notre Dame offensive lineman Quenton Nelson wasn't the top player walking a campus in 2017? As that regular season wrapped, Nelson hadn't allowed a sack or quarterback hit ... in two seasons. It was his position's equivalent of "Madden" video game-like production for a quarterback.
Yet the prospects for anyone not under center, or the guy right behind the guy under center, remain non-existent.
But why?
Houston took a creative swipe at the infinitesimal odds of Oliver reaching the Heisman finish line with a bobblehead. Oliver is riding a replica of Oreo, a childhood horse with whom he claimed to share a hate-and-hate-some-more relationship.
The horse is black. Dark horse, get it?
College football marketers, bless their misguided hearts, continue trying to find ways to out-game the _ call it what it is _ "award for guys with the ball in their hands."
For most of the Heisman's life, it seemed impossible to quantify the brilliance of, say, offensive linemen. Ohio State came closest, creating a stat for "pancake" blocks to sell road grader Orlando Pace. He finished fourth in 1996. The winner was Florida quarterback (shockingly) Danny Wuerffel. The runner-up, Iowa State running back Troy Davis.
Those two combined for 21 NFL starts. Pace started 165 times and is a member of the Hall of Fame.
So, Tagovailoa is likely to force Heisman voters to stretch their spelling skills and broadcasters to untangle tongues.
Meanwhile, the "other" stars in the college football galaxy continue to shine brilliantly without as much as a whiff of mainstream marvel.
Just four non-quarterbacks/running backs/wide receivers have finished in the Top 5 in the last two decades: Michigan defensive back Jabrill Peppers (who also scored five offensive TDs), Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o, LSU safety Tyrann Mathieu and Nebraska defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh. In that stretch, 63 quarterbacks appeared in the Top 5 _ winning 15 times (the other five winners were running backs).
Heisman keeps picking Johnny Manziel, Troy Smith, Chris Weinke and, gulp, Gino Torretta.
But ... why?
Guys like Oliver will scrape together some votes, including one from me. Just not enough. Not nearly enough.
Again.
