Returning for its seventh season this week, Portlandia has given us hours of absurd sketches from Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen over the years. It’s hard to determine the best ones, although there are have been a few notable standouts, but we’ve narrowed down the 10 greatest Portlandia skits of the previous six seasons.
Put A Bird On It!
This might be a controversial claim, but Season One’s Put A Bird On It! is undeniably the best – and most iconic – Portlandia skit. The clip, which clocks in at under two minutes, reveals how everyone in Portland believes that the best thing to do with any object or food is to put a bird on it. It’s so true, even in its absurdity, that you can’t help but laugh every time you see something for sale with a bird on it in the real world. The skit follows two people as they visit a Portland boutique and “spruce things up” by plastering bird stickers all over the products. When Brownstein’s character insists on painting a bird onto an existing bird it seems like the pinnacle – until an actual bird flies into the store.
Spoiler Alert
In its third season, Portlandia tapped into pop culture by parodying the way we rapidly consume TV shows and can’t handle if anyone ruins them for us. The sketch mentions every big TV series, from Mad Men to Breaking Bad to Game of Thrones, without actually spoiling any of the plots – until the characters start giving away the ends of famous movies. “They just kill off Dumbledore,” one says while Armisen gasps in shock. It’s all about how impossible it is to actually stay spoiler-free and the skit ends with a hilarious twist (which we won’t spoil here).
Battlestar Galactica
In the same vein as “Spoiler Alert”, this sketch skewers binge-watching as Brownstein and Armisen can’t look away from the series Battlestar Galactica. Their obsession with the show gets worse and worse, and eventually there are some major real-life repercussions. We may not have lost our jobs over TV shows, but we have all watched way too many episodes of something in a row and not really understood where the time went.
Did You Read It?
Have you ever hung out with someone who insisted they’ve read everything? This sketch reflects on just how absolutely obnoxious it is when people try to one up each other by constantly claiming to have read everything. The terse skit amps up quickly as the characters affirm that they’ve not only read The New Yorker, but also skywriting, a fortune cookie, writing in the sand on the beach and closing movie credits. In the end it concludes that, basically, you shouldn’t act like one of the assholes in the sketch. It’s OK if you didn’t read something.
The Knot Store
Thank goodness for Jeff Goldblum. Here he dons a pink sweater and stands in as the owner of a specialty artisan knot store, who helps Armisen and Brownstein select a knot. The actors treat the subject with complete seriousness, which lends to the absurdity of the sketch. It’s short, but tells a complete story and finds a sincere level of interest in knots. It’s funny because it feels like this could be an actual store where actual hipsters buy rope tied into tiny knots.
Brunch Village
Technically Brunch Village is an episode, not an individual sketch, but it’s worth an inclusion here. In the episode, which concludes season two, Brownstein and Armisen play on the agonizingly long wait for brunch (something we’ve all endured). The line for brunch at the new hip spot stretches across the entire city and suddenly Brownstein’s character finds herself being forced to eat Pop-Tarts by a long-haired eccentric played by Tim Robbins. It’s also a great example of how Portlandia manages to include all their random characters into one storyline and allow it to feel cohesive.
Catnap
This skit features a fictional band called Catnap, which is comprised of Brownstein and Armisen’s punk rock characters, as well as an actual cat named Kevin. Kristen Wiig guest stars as a super-fan who corners the trio backstage and who desperately wants the band to stay in Portland. The best joke arrives when Wiig reveals her name to be Gathy (not Cathy). Whoever was responsible for training Kevin deserves an award, too, since the cat really seems to be a member of the band who feels threatened by an insane fan. Wiig is amazing, but Kevin is the real standout.
911 Beets Emergency
Do you ever get confused about the state of your bowel movements after eating beets? That’s the heart of this Portlandia skit, which sees Brownstein and Armisen as 911 operators who help concerned people deal with their red stool. “It’s not blood,” Brownstein confirms to one, “it’s beets.” The pair gets annoyed with all the beets-related issues, until Jeff Goldblum pops up as a man who has gotten into a serious car accident. Except, as it turns out, he was hit by a beet truck.
Deuce Hotel
If you’ve ever stayed at an Ace Hotel, then you know it’s basically already a parody of its own hipness. But leave it to Portland to take things one step further. The Deuce Hotel has a lobby DJ, sinks with magically appearing faucets and free typewriters with every room. The Shins’ James Mercer, Sleater-Kinney’s Corin Tucker and Colin Meloy of the Decemberists guest star as an indie rock band way too hip for the hotel, much to the dismay of the staff. And, actually, we kind of want to stay here.
Is It Local?
One of Portlandia’s funniest and most relevant sketches appeared in the show’s first-ever episode, showcasing two restaurant guests who just want to make sure the chicken they’re eating is local. It turns out that the chicken is not only local, but he is named Colin who comes from a nearby farm. The pair decide they need to check out the farm for themselves, just to be sure Colin is really worth eating. It’s funny because some people are actually this picky about their food – and it’s ridiculous. The sketch immediately proved that Portlandia was onto something real and funny, and the tone has carried through the show since.
