BEREA, Ohio _ Josh Gordon said Thursday he hoped the life of crime he outlined during an interview with Sports Illustrated would be viewed as a redemption story, but the Browns wide receiver apparently didn't account for some of the chilling details prompting questions he's not comfortable answering.
Three days from Gordon's scheduled return to regular-season action, he insisted he has no regrets about the misdeeds he confessed to SI. The story describes Gordon engaging in gunfights, selling drugs, stealing cars, participating in a counterfeit money scheme, serving jail time for felony credit card theft and committing armed robbery as a teenage gang member in Houston. It also chronicles how he continued to sell drugs during his time at Baylor University and afterward.
Yet in Gordon's first interview with Browns beat writers since SI published the story Tuesday, he insisted he has no regrets about his past.
"Everybody makes mistakes for sure," Gordon said, "and you wish if I'd done this, if I'd done this, but I can't sit back and just pore over every past mistake and say, 'If I went this way instead of this way, what would've happened?' So I know better than that. But I think to put me in the position that I'm in now, I definitely don't regret it."
SI's Ben Baskin wrote Gordon joined a gang, the Six Deuce Harvard Park Brim Bloods, when he was a sophomore in high school, carried a .38 special, even at school, and was involved in many gunfights. He was shot in the left arm during his junior year and often had to shoot to escape dangerous situations but never "maliciously" shot anyone, according to Baskin.
Gordon was asked Thursday if he ever harmed anyone in a gunfight, to his knowledge, and how he could have no regrets if he was involved in such violence.
"I'm not necessarily sure how that question pertains to football," he replied.
Told the question pertained to his life, a topic of the interview, Gordon continued to deflect. And when a reporter mentioned the intent of the questioning was to find out whether SI's depiction of him shooting guns was accurate, Gordon said, "I haven't read the whole article, but I definitely got to look into it."
An NFL spokesman said the league had no comment on SI's story. Gordon said it would be an overstatement to say NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell knows all of the crimes he committed in high school and college.
Goodell reinstated Gordon on Nov. 1. He has missed the past 44 games and 54 of the past 59 because of recurring violations of the NFL's substance-abuse policy. When the 0-11 Browns visit the 5-6 Los Angeles Chargers on Sunday, Gordon is expected to appear in the regular season for the first time since Dec. 21, 2014.
Baskin wrote Gordon told him at least four times during their interview in October he quit smoking marijuana in his first two NFL seasons and only drank alcohol at parties on weekends. Then three weeks later, GQ Magazine published an interview in which Gordon said he smoked marijuana or drank alcohol before every game of his career. Baskin wrote when he talked to Gordon about the conflicting stories he had given, Gordon admitted to lying.
"[Baskin] felt the way that he felt, and he wrote what he wrote," Gordon said when asked about lying to the writer. "Maybe he took it personal. We can't control that."
Baskin also wrote Gordon's business manager, Michael Johnson, made it known during the interview he didn't want Gordon to share too much of his story because they're hoping to secure book and movie deals. According to Baskin, Johnson threatened to break the writer's digital audio recorder when he told the manager everything Gordon had said was on the record.
Gordon said he doesn't question whether he's in good hands with Johnson _ "Mike's my guy," he said _ and his camp doesn't have any book or movie deals lined up. The 26-year-old Gordon explained he shared what he did with SI because it's therapeutic and he hopes it can help others with similar experiences.
"[I] just felt like using my platform, let my voice be heard, let people have a window into my life and get a full image of what I've gone through, what I've lived and my story," he said. "I don't think anybody wants to ... guess what's happened in Josh Gordon's life. So now you know.
"It was supposed to be insight into my life and however it was written is how it was written, and I can't control that. But it's out there for people to read and take in what they take in from it, but from my standpoint now, I'm here to win football games and be the best receiver I can be."
Gordon's talent on the football field is undeniable. The Browns activated Gordon from the commissioner's exempt list Thursday and waived safety Justin Currie. Coach Hue Jackson said Gordon will start Sunday.
"Heck, yeah. Are you kidding me?" Jackson said. "Yeah, he's going to start. Right away."
Will the Browns limit Gordon's snaps?
"Pitch count? With this guy? No," Jackson said. "It's been what, three years [since he has played]? I want three years of that pitch count back out there right now."
The Browns will travel to Los Angeles on Friday afternoon, and Jackson will give players free time to go out and about that night. The coach added, "But there's bed check, and there's a next morning wake-up call."
Gordon said he plans to spend Friday night with family who will attend the game. He believes he's in a better state than he was in 2013, when he led the NFL with 1,646 receiving yards and became an All-Pro selection. He insisted he's not feeling pressure about his return but has high expectations.
"The sky is the limit," he said. "I feel that I'm in great shape. ... I expect to do something positive.
"More than anything, I'm just excited. I'm having the most fun that I've ever had doing this."
If all goes according to plan, Gordon will soon have a chance to write the story he wants on the field as he leaves questions unanswered about the tales he has already shared.
