Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon told GQ Magazine he used drugs and/or alcohol before virtually every game of his NFL career.
"Every game. Probably every game of my career," Gordon said in the question-and-answer session with GQ, which published Monday afternoon.
Gordon is scheduled to report to Browns headquarters Tuesday and reunite with the team after NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell reinstated him on a conditional basis Nov. 1. GQ interviewed Gordon the same day, just hours before he met with Goodell.
Gordon will be able to attend meetings, engage in conditioning work and individual workouts. As long as he meets the conditions of his reinstatement, he'll be eligible to start practicing Nov. 20 and play in the final five games of the season beginning Dec. 3 on the road against the Los Angeles Chargers.
"If Josh is able to get back and onto the field, which we expect will happen, that'll be a big boost to that group (of receivers)," head of football operations Sashi Brown said Monday.
But the more Gordon reveals about his battle with addiction, the more it becomes obvious how difficult truly changing his life will be for him.
Gordon admitted to GQ that he made "a ritual" of using drugs and/or alcohol before games. He said he did the same thing at Baylor University before the Browns drafted him in the second round of the 2012 supplemental draft.
"Even before I was getting tested for alcohol, prior to my DWI in 2014, I would take the biggest bong rip I could. And try to conceal all the smell off all my clothes. I'd be dressed up to go to the game. A bunch of guys smoke weed before the game. But we're not talking about them," Gordon said.
"I would have these little pre-made shots. I used to love Grand Marnier. I could drink it down smooth. I could usually drink a lot of it. But if it wasn't that, it might be a whiskey or something. And I would drink probably like half a glass, or a couple shots to try and warm my system up, basically. To get the motor running. That's what I would do for games."
Gordon said his drug abuse began when he took Xanax and smoked marijuana in seventh grade.
"I was definitely out of control," Gordon, 26, said.
A 2013 All-Pro selection, Gordon has missed the last 41 games, 51 of the past 56 and hasn't played in the regular season since Dec. 21, 2014, because of recurring violations of the NFL's substance-abuse policy.
Gordon said he moved from Cleveland to Gainesville, Fla., because he became a target of Browns fans.
"Living in Cleveland, sometimes it could be a nightmare," Gordon said. "I've been harassed, had drinks thrown at me. I've been (followed) in the grocery store, heckled everywhere. At the games, people harassed and heckled my brothers and my mom. (My) brothers got into fights in the stands. Cars (have) been jumped on. Somebody dented the hood of the car. Had to sue a guy and get the money back cause he damaged the car. People are throwing money, pennies, to break the windows. So Cleveland was rough, man."
Gordon disclosed his long history of drug and alcohol abuse in a mini-documentary produced by Uninterrupted.com and released Oct. 10. In the film, Gordon admitted to using Xanax, cocaine, marijuana, codeine cough syrup and promethazine. He also discussed his fourth known stint in rehab, which lasted more than three months in Florida and ended in late September.
Gordon was asked by GQ why people should expect this comeback attempt to be any different than previous ones that failed.
"Every time I would try to stop, it would be for the wrong reason," Gordon said. "It'd be a publicity stunt; it'd be for somebody else; it'd be for the coach, or whomever thought it was in my best interest to try to do that. ... Only thing saving me at this point and time, and the difference between now and then, is that I'm doing it for myself. And I want something more for myself. I'm trying to do it for myself."
