Those with a knack for recalling forgotten moments of cultural detritus may remember Cookin’ with Brooklyn, a short-lived Facebook show involving Brooklyn Beckham, his kitchen, and a number of chefs who looked decidedly uncomfortable being there. It contained both the football heir’s insightful pearls of wisdom (on dicing: “it’s, like, really small”) and more personal moments, like him telling Nobu Matsuhisa about going without sushi till he was 13 — quick, call Childline. Perhaps not such a surprise that, at $100,000 an episode, the producers decided after one season to send it to the great chip-pan fire in the sky.
Good news, then, for Londoners who’ve only just been scraping by without young Brooklyn’s cheffy wisdom. The former model/barista/photographer/actor has partnered with Uber Eats to launch his own pop-up restaurant in London. Not a restaurant anyone can visit or eat in, mind, but one that delivers. Beckers will offer five of his favourite dishes — what he calls “his ultimate takeaway menu” — available to order on the app on January 25 and 26 between 5—10pm. “Uber Eats Hosts Brooklyn Beckham is reimagining the food delivery status quo,” say the Uber Eats press office, which sounds an awful lot like they’re criticising their usual way of going about things.
Citing Beckham’s “experimental gin and tonic” — made with gin but, wait for it, also tonic — the press guff adds that “the budding chef is known for his contemporary approach to cooking”.
Contemporary — you know, as in of the present day. As such, the menu kicks off with a £15 chicken tikka masala (invented 1961), is followed by a £15 slow-cooked Bolognese (1891). After that, £10 buys five pork and prawn dumplings (debatable; sometime around 200bc), a £12 English Breakfast sandwich (he attributes this to his granny), and a bowl of deep-fried buttermilk cauliflower (£10, circa 1820). Is… is Brooklyn Beckham a time-traveller? Is he the next Doctor?!
I suppose we should be grateful he isn’t eviscerating more cheese toasties. And these are dishes that mean something to Brooklyn, who admittedly should be admired for continuing to plug away at this cooking malarkey, where most would have turned to something they're good at. “My nanny Peggy taught me how to make her English Breakfast sandwich when I was five, and it’s been my favourite ever since,” Beckham explains, which is a decent enough reason to have it on the menu. It looks good, too — white bread, bacon, sausages, egg, sauce.
His ties to the other bits seem slightly shakier; they’re simply “inspired by his global upbringing.” Right-ho. But at least he’s had a global upbringing. In a promo video, he speaks sweetly about date nights with his wife, Nicola Peltz. “I got my wife on Indian and Chinese takeaway,” he says, “She’s obsessed with it now.” That this suggests Brooklyn introduced Peltz to Chinese takeaway in the first place rather makes me wonder if being the daughter of a billionaire is all it’s cracked up to be.
Still. I’m being churlish. At least the two days offer a chance to taste Brooklyn’s actual cooki — no, wait, sorry, there's the press office again. “It’ll be a team of chefs cooking the food on both nights,” the Standard has been told. “The team will be representing Brooklyn on both nights.”
Uber Eats have made sure he’s been “compensated for his time and involvement in the campaign” (their words). All that thinking it must have taken to think up such exotic, faraway treats such as, er, bacon and eggs. But of course, it was probably too much to expect this self-described “nutter in the kitchen” to roll his sleeves up and man the stoves. You know, like actual chefs do.
