The world is a little bit colder today, and no, not just because it is, literally, quite cold. See, my hopes were high about this year: Justin finally kicked that skank ass Cameron Diaz to the kerb, Britney's divorce was finalised. You see what I'm getting at, don't you? That's right: a Britney and Justin reunion! The world would have righted itself on its axis, the terrors of the past six years would have undone themselves and the planet would have become a brighter, sunnier and all round righter place to be.
But no.
Life may be, as Ronan Keating once assured us all, like a roller coaster, but it ain't no fairy tale. Britney and Justin were due to be reunited by that modern day fairy godmother, Timbalake, who had written a duet for them. But Britney knows a sure thing when she sees it and, wisely perceiving that this wouldn't be something that would further her reputation as the most high profile meltdown since Amy Winehouse last week, she promptly pulled out.
A music industry "insider" shared his reliably sympathetic observations on the matter with the British Medical Journal - sorry, I mean Page Six in the NY Post:
"Listen, everyone is worried. In her mind, her album is done and she's done enough work . . . She's an easy target right now, because she's . . . sick. People like her are sick. It's like an anorexic who's sick in the head and needs help. She needs help. It's sad because what she's got - and we've heard it's like bipolar disorder - can easily be treated with medication, but she won't do it."
It's hard to see what Brit's problem is, really, seeing as she has been working in such a kindly industry since the age of 6. Come on, Britney, you're merely "like an anorexic" who we all know can "easily be treated with medication." So just neck them pills back like a good little girl, knock the song out and we can all take Christmas in St Lucia. Except you because you'll probably be climbing the walls of your trailer home. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
