Our sincerest apologies if we've written that headline before, but there appear to be developments in the telenovela-on-meth that is Britney Spears's love life. According to Star magazine, Britney is romancing, or being romanced by - what IS the correct styling for rolling wantonly together on a carpet of discarded pink wigs and Twinkie wrappers? - a chap called Daimon Shippen.
In the wake of some shockingly disparaging verdicts on Daimon (Nicole Richie "couldn't stand him", apparently), a friend is moved to spring affectingly to his defence.
"[Daimon's] a triathlete, a surfer and an incredible woodworker," the friend tells the publication. "He once crafted a line of artistic, erotic wooden pieces - including a set of beautiful 'love paddles' - that could be used in lovemaking. They were fantastic pieces of art that could be displayed openly in your home. He's a philosopher who loves Latin and poetry."
Mm ... If you are not already convinced of the sheer breadth of Daimon's renaissance man skillset, be advised he currently works as Britney's bodyguard and occasional nanny. Due to what we assume is a slump, there would appear to be limited employment opportunities in the timber vibrator sector at the present time.
"Daimon is an awesome human being," concludes his friend, "who can be a wonderful influence for Britney and her children."
Well, quite. Which of us will ever be able to think of Britney's Malibu home again, without seeing a cultured tableau in which Little Sean Preston and Little Jayden James conjugate deponent verbs, before burying their noses in Virgil while Mommy's seven-foot-high friend whittles logs into into double-headed dildos?
