Everything you need to know
Here’s a video recap:
And to finish things off, here’s Alexis Petridis’ summary of the night.
The Bowie tribute aside, it gave every impression of existing only to underline. You can’t argue with the sales figures, but being repeatedly told what you already know is deathly dull.
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Re-re-wind
If you missed it, here’s a review of each of the performers tonight – featuring “floor-humping”, “coke-bloated chirpsing”, “a defibrillation paddle” and a “public grief bomb”. Which makes the whole event sound much more exciting than it actually was.
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The Bowie band: who they were
This was the illustrious lineup who played Life on Mars tonight:
Mike Garson – keys (joined Bowie in 1972)
Earl Slick – guitar (1974)
Sterling Campbell – drums (1994)
Gail Ann Dorsey – bass (1995)
Gerry Leonard – guitar (2001)
Catherine Russell – keys (2002)
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Live review No 9 – Adele
The final performance review of the night: BBT on Adele
The problem with Adele’s Grammy performance wasn’t the twanging piano strings (negligible) or the tuning errors (minuscule), but rather her increasing tendency to project everything in a colourless, bleating cadence; where once she’d denote emotional complexity with a sudden coo or breath, now she’ll make some sassy hand gesture do the heavy lifting, like a young cousin losing an argument. Here she performs When We Were Young, which plays to her quivering low register and that lovely ruminative midrange, saving the (slightly hectoring) upper notes for the chorus. The peak top note isn’t crystal; the squeaks and deliberate note-breaks could easily become mannered. But the guttural shove she gives the final chorus is pure soul, and ultimately this is big satisfying balladry, like custard and crumble. And at her best, she gives lyrical platitudes back their universal meaning.
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It's all over!
Nice modest performance from Adele, there. A backdrop glistening like a galaxy. Big vocals, and a big song with a big message: age, ageing, love, loss – a lifetime of emotions in four minutes.
If you are reading this, Adele: I may have had a bottle of white wine, but I thought, maybe, on your tour, well, maybe I could come on stage for this performance and do an interpretive dance? Nothing fancy, just some gentle cartwheels and some star jumps. Might jazz it up a bit, that’s all. Up to you, obvs.
Anyway, that’s it for the 2016 Brits. My verdict? Catfish frontman Van McCann missed his chance at becoming the next big gobby indie frontman. Adele did really well, as expected. And most importantly, Rihanna, Drake and Lorde seemed to steal the show, which is kind of depressing considering they’re not Brits. And this is the Brit awards.
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Best British album of the year
Goes to Adele, our one last hope for hedonism and danger. However, someone appears to have given her some toast and Lucozade.
Adele speech notes No 4:
“Really sorry about swearing earlier, and the ugly cry face.”
“I think now would be the time to thank the people the fans.”
“I wanted to thank everyone I worked with.”
“And I also want to thank my boyfriend. This album was really hard to make and I think I was a nightmare sometimes. And this is all for my son.”
It’s all gone a bit James Bay, who, just now, when asked what advice he would give to fellow Brits critics’ choice winner Jack Garratt said: “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
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Live review No 8 – the Weeknd
BBT v Abel Tesfaye!
The wonderful Earned It turned the Weeknd from a pervert who induced Q4 jitters to a viable Michael Jackson stooge going out with Bella Hadid, and as such vies with Bieber for the international male career turnaround gong. He performs The Hills, which is textbook Weeknd: pitch-black, coke-bloated chirpsing drenched in distrust that leads, eventually, to dead-eyed sexual congress. The swear-bleep man cheerfully lets “I only fuck you when it’s half past five” into ITV land, as the arrangement embraces the gnarliness with some ultra-heavy guitar and big smashed-glass visuals. It’s short but energetic and edifying, exactly unlike the intercourse it sounds like he indulges in.
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Live review No 7 – Lorde plays Bowie
Ben Beaumont-Thomas takes on the big performance of the night.
Surely nothing will be worse than Lady Gaga’s well-meaning but misjudged tribute at the Grammys, which was like Liza Minnelli trying to shout off a bout of sleep paralysis; cruise missiles and Kanye tweets have connected with more subtlety that the segues between its songs. It was basically Hallo Spaceboy! The David Bowie Musical Jamboree (Coming to Broadway Spring 2017), and only underlined how Bowie’s star quality had been made truly ineffable with his death. What can the Brits offer? Well, there is certainly nothing more quintessentially Brits than the words: “Please welcome Annie Lennox!” She pays testament to “a fixation in the British psyche” in a speech that straddles cliche and insight. The cut to Graham Coxon munching a canape takes the gloss off somewhat, but no matter, here’s Gary Oldman to join the remembrance. He is predictably articulate, picking a choice quote from Bowie on his own music: a “sublime means of communication when I want to touch people; it has been both my doorway of perception and the house I live in.” Whether you think this public grief bomb needed to be detonated, it’s dignified. Clench for the music … and all is much better than the Grammys. Space Oddity begets Rebel Rebel begets Let’s Dance – it’s a megamix, but far more deftly handled (by Bowie’s own band, no less) than Gaga’s lurching. Lorde sings Life on Mars, and she can’t capture Bowie’s blend of music-hall singer and travelling bard – it’s a little breathily earnest and pedantic. But there’s still something sumptuous and soulful about her take, and again, it’s dignified. Is “dignified” too safe for Bowie? Well, he was never a punk – honesty and keen feeling is just right.
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British artist video of the year...
As voted for by the fans, so naturally, it’s One Direction.
Louis and Liam are here to collect the award. Just the two of them. One D are definitely still OK. Not going to split up after their hiatus. Definitely going to get back together and write more albums forever until we all die.
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The Brits got the Bowie performance right
… according to Twitter. Joined by Bowie’s band, Lorde’s interpretation is a touching, tasteful tribute
YES. Lorde, with Bowie's actual band, is right. Completely right. Bravo to the #BRITs for that.
— Simon Price (@simon_price01) February 24, 2016
David Bowie tributes are the best I've ever seen for tributes ! He would be happy ☺️
— ilysm z (@mysunshizayne) February 24, 2016
this is David Bowie tribute amazing...he was a real legend #BRITs2016 🎤💜
— Lauren (@PhANICBUTTON) February 24, 2016
A truly brilliant classy tribute to a genius. DAVID BOWIE. NEVER FORGOTTEN!!!!! X
— Beverley Callard (@Beverleycallard) February 24, 2016
Well at least Lordi's tribute was an genuine tribute to Bowie, unlike GaGa's which was a genuine tribute to.... GaGa #BRITs2016 #BRITs
— Andrew (@geordielump) February 24, 2016
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An astronaut speaks!
Here’s Tim Peake’s tribute to Adele. He’s always banging on about music. He’s only using the astronaut thing a shortcut to a record deal.
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After Annie Lennox’s emotional speech, Gary Oldman has picked up the mic:
“We are all coming to terms with the magnitude of David’s passing,” he says. “David’s contribution to popular culture itself has no equal, he’s the very definition, the living embodiment of that word, icon.”
If anyone planned a stage invasion, now is probably not the best time.
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International female solo artist...
Goes to Björk. It’s her fourth win in this category.
But she’s not here. She’s in space with Tim Peake, apparently. According to reports, she got on the spacecraft thinking it was a normal plane and now she’s stuck out there for the next few years. Best of luck up there, Björk.
Here’s a good video of Björk picking up the same prize from the ’90s:
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Live review No 6 – Little Mix
What did our Ben make of Little Mix, eh?
Jason Derulo suitors Little Mix here, who, in between providing the Sun’s Bizarre column with a stream of staggeringly unremarkable but at least regular content, make the occasional solid gold pop banger – of which Black Magic is undeniably one. It initially gets a exoticised voodoo-tribal update, which is swiftly dispensed for the chorus, which reverts to the perky fantasy-scribbled-on-A4-school-binder vibe of the original. There’s lots of floor-humping a la Destiny’s Child’s Survivor and equal amounts of Amazonian sass-power. Zero danger compared with Rihanna’s enjoyably loose performance, but if you like absolute steel-tipped professionalism, you’ll have clapped along delightedly.
The voice of sanity
Phillip Schofield, the man they call the Rebel, Pip the Damaja, Sweary Schoey … he’s only gone and leapt to Adele’s defence.
Awwwww @Adele ... And someone on the mute button missed one 😂😂 why bother? It's 9:25!! #BRITs
— Phillip Schofield (@Schofe) February 24, 2016
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Adele wins the Adele award for best Adele
Or global success award. Or whatever it’s called.
Before we get to Adele: Tim Peake’s pretend suit. Did he pack this knowing he would give this award? Or just in case he felt fancy one day? For Valentine’s Day? I wish I knew. If you could let me know, in a tweet, Tim, please do.
Adele speech No 3:
“I can’t work out if I am crying because of the video or because Tim Peake did it.”
Lots of swearing.
“I didn’t know if I would ever come back, for you all to be so kind to me is so nice.”
Verdict: she is hammered. We are one drink away from full Pam-Hogg’s-mate.
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Live review No 5 – Rihanna and Drake!
Ben Beaumont-Thomas has been channelling his inner Barbadian dancehall queen.
Last year I ruined an entire morning’s work by repeatedly shouting “YASS QUEEN” at Rihanna, boobs hoisted to her hairline, doing Bitch Better Have My Money at the iHeartRadio awards show – the styling was Miss Saigon meets Rhythm Nation, and violent kleptocracies have been run with less scorn. Suffice to say my anticipation for this was high, and her missing the Grammys only heightened it. She performs Consideration as if through some partially open blinds in a strip club, segueing into Work for some heavily Bajan-accented gyration. She steamrolls its beautiful little “No one texts me in a crisis” line, but this is an awards show, and subtlety will always be smothered; her laziness in the chorus lines is made up for by nailing the jazzy delivery of the verses. This is Rihanna at her most free and unimpeded by expectation, for better and worse. Drake comes out to apply a defibrillation paddle to the pair’s by now rather stale sexual chemistry, but they gamely rut like a pair of Crufts champions who have disappointed their owners.
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British breakthrough act …
Catfish and the Bottlemen!
I saw Catfish at Glastonbury in 2015, when they had to cut their set short because they all had diarrhoea. Wait, was that a dream?
No, according to NME, it did happen. Thank goodness for that. Thought I might be going totally mad for a second there.
Anyway, more importantly, is indie is making a comeback? Write me a thinkpiece and I will not read it.
Michael Hann’s verdict: “For a great interviewee, he’s a shit speech giver.”
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Rihanna is performing an Anti mega-mix
Will it be better than when she performed from within a nu-rave pyramid with the Klaxons, though?
Soak up that chemistry for a moment – she almost acknowledges at Simon at one point.
Drake has arrived! His very presence has received the biggest cheer of the night. And he’s wearing a tracksuit.
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An important question:
Live review No 4!
Time for Trademark Hat to get the BBT assessment.
Not since James Morrison has such a lovely voice been put to the service of such middling songs. But get your gravitational wave detectors out because the faintest of praise is incoming: Hold Back the River is his best, and its rousing gospel chorus cannot help but stir even the most Bay-resistant hack, even as it merely simulates religious-level feeling rather than actually living it. There’s a gigantic cheer for his efforts, despite them being only 1% more impassioned than the recorded version. The hat meanwhile, surely the product of a worried major label styling meeting to try to inject some temporary pizazz, has become the hair of Samson, a mysterious totem whose power cannot be fully understood. It’s a bit like the button in Lost – he dare not stop wearing it lest some catastrophe occur. Large parts of Clapham and Jack Wills warehouses might spontaneously collapse, perhaps.
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International male solo artist
Is Justin Bieber!
Picking up the prize, he said: “This shows life is a journey and everyone has their own journey and their ups and their downs.”
I really relate to this speech, thank you Justin. I’ve abandoned several baby monkeys in European countries in the past few years. It means a lot to have your support.
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‘Internet issues’
Trying to watch #BRITs on ITV Player. I wouldn't say their stream is a long way behind the live show, but Status Quo just won best new band.
— The Media Blog (@TheMediaTweets) February 24, 2016
Bay is back
And performing Hold Back the River. When we interviewed James Bay in January, we asked him: what trait do you most deplore in yourself?
His reply?
“I wish I was more spontaneous.”
MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE, JAMES! FREESTYLE! SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT! SCAT! AT LEAST TAKE THE HAT OFF!
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British group goes to …
It’s Coldplay! As presented to by earnest Hollywood actor and fashion model Simon Pegg.
Coldplay have won this now for the fourth time. Beating the record they previously shared with Arctic Monkeys. Will Chris try and replicate Alex Turner’s rallying call to arms from 2014? Only replacing “rock’n’roll” with “bed wetting indie”?
Who am I trying to kid. I love Coldplay, I love Chris Martin. I am sobbing with pride.
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"Breasht" British single goes to …
Adele’s Hello.
Speech notes No 2 (slightly more inebriated):
“I nearly fell over.”
“I was not expecting this one at all.”
“It’s getting out of hand already, all the performers.”
Looks like Adele got most of her important bits out of the way in the first speech. I hope she wins more. I hope that by the end of the ceremony she’s so hammered that she’s wearing Pam Hogg’s mate’s outfit and James Bay’s hat.
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Live review No 3!
Ben Beaumont-Thomas offers his two cents:
Jess Glynne: you know her from Rather Be, Hold My Hand, and her blurred sexuality confusing the Daily Mail. Channelling equal parts Grace Coddington and Sideshow Bob with a megashock of red hair, she does a trio of Ain’t Got Far To Go, Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself, and Hold Your Hand, she rather overestimates the audience’s knowledge of her lyrics, but the pipes are in good condition, and there’s something endearingly big-eyed and butterfly-chasing about her decidedly 90s dancepop. A pleasant throwback to middleweight Brits female stars like Tina Cousins, Lisa Stansfield and Beverley Craven.
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Stage invasion alert!
Who needs dosed-up indie bands when you’ve got Pam Hogg’s mate, who just interrupted Ant and Dec’s handover. Well done, Pam Hogg’s mate.
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International group goes to …
Tame Impala!
Here’s Kevin Parker. When we interviewed Kevin in July, he explained how he was off his face when he came up for the tripped-out concept for their third album, Currents.
I was in LA a few years ago, and for some reason we’d taken mushrooms. It must have been the end of our tour. I was coked up as well, and a friend was driving us around LA in this old sedan. He was playing the Bee Gees and it had the most profound emotional effect. I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it. I was listening to Staying Alive, a song I’ve heard all my life. At that moment it had this really emotive, melancholy feel to it. The beat felt overwhelmingly strong and, at that moment, it sounded pretty psychedelic. It moved me, and that’s what I always want out of psych music. I want it to transport me.
Is he off his face tonight? No. He’s just thanked his record label and his management team and someone called Lisa.
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James Bay's speech notes
This was Bay’s big moment. The world in the palm of his hands.
“The really important stuff that I just have to say …” Bay began.
Was it time for him to address the controversy surrounding racial inequality? Or perhaps something about Brexit? Maybe his view on controversial weedkiller Glyphosate? Not quite. He thanked:
- “Paul and Ryan my managers”
- “Monty and Avery”
- “I would like to thank my family”
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Live review No 2: the Beeb
Ben Beaumont-Thomas felt mixed emotions while watching his beloved Justin.
Justin Bieber, rising like a phoenix in a drop-arm vest, is proof that you can do anything when you’re young and it doesn’t matter: crash your car, neglect a monkey, think Eenie Meenie is a viable follow-up single. He’s recording the best pop songs of the moment, bolstered with a redemption story, and if you’re one of the few people who still thinks he’s not a viable artist, pipe down and keep your stagnated personal growth to yourself. Unfortunately, tonight he’s performing Love Yourself, which is a good line in search of a song, and it’s compounded by the presence of James Bay, who is of use only for making a census of Britain’s most basic people from his Facebook likes. But luckily this passes, and it’s time for a bit of the beautiful Sorry around a campfire – in the ever-unfolding Bieber bildungsroman, this presumably represents the pyre of his old life, while the gyrating dancers acknowledge an undimmed libido. Probably. He saved the A-game tracks for the Grammys, then, but it’s still probably better than most of the other performances this evening.
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British male solo artist goes to …
James Bay. I suppose I should say something rude about his hat, but I’m not going to. He’s just joining a long lineage of musicians who have used hats to symbolise their creativity: Jamiroquai, Pharrell, Slash, Raury, errr this guy who comes up if you google the words “Musicians and their weird hats”. Let’s call him Ewan.
I don’t want to panic you, but I found some rare footage of James completely nude, and by completely nude I mean he’s not wearing his hat.
When I say man, you say bun! Man-bun! Man-bun!
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A thought on Adele …
Expressing her support for Kesha was what you would expect her to do. What’s significant is that there are several tables’ worth of executives from Sony – Kesha’s record label – at the Brits. They’ve have just been publicly upbraided by the world’s biggest pop star.
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Speech notes: No 1
Adele’s speech, in bullet points, because I did not take notes fast enough:
- “Oh my god, I’ve got to try to not fall over”
- “To all the other girls, thank you for being in my company. It’s a privilege to be in your company”
- “Thank you to my management for embracing me as a woman” (or something like that)
- “I’d also like to take this moment to publicly support Kesha”
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British female solo artist goes to...
Adele!
Here she is, the nation’s sweetheart. It’s no surprise that she’s won. The singer famously sold 700BN copies of her album 25 in the first 10 minutes of its release in November 2015.
If you’ve been trapped in the same box as Wu-Tang Clan’s one-off copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin for the last 12 months, why not reacquaint yourself with megastar Adele by reading Tom Lamont’s excellent interview with her, in which she admitted:
Some people I’ve spoken to have said, ‘You’re going to sell at least half what you sold before.’ But I don’t think anything’s a given. You don’t know.
Not sure who this ‘some people’ is, but if you run the words ‘some people’ through an anagrammer it comes up with ‘Lomes Pee Po’. Lomes, if you’re out there, gutted mate.
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Review No 1!
All evening, the stalwart Ben Beaumont-Thomas is going to be reviewing every performance. And he’s already got Coldplay under his belt.
Coldplay wind music critics up with their sixth-form poetry, positive outlook and wealth, because we’re all impoverished, jaded and our sixth-form poetry was the last time we truly felt anything apart from antipathy towards James Bay’s hat. But actually, they’re not so bad as all that. They perform Hymn for the Weekend, which is the one with Beyoncé on, though she’s not about to upstage them again – generous! Instead, their bald drummer sings her bit, and it doesn’t scream “fierce”, but no matter. With their tales of getting drunk and high, along with photos of sunsets, and flower garlands draped everywhere, this is like going round to the house of a 21-year-old after they’ve got back from their gap year: it’s a bit naff, but you nod along fitfully and smile.
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Kicking things off with Coldplay
Chris ‘Christ’ Martin here singlehandedly bringing back the double T-shirt look from 2002.
Here’s a picture of their rehearsal earlier. Mood: Terrified Beyonce might show up and steal the show.
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Fight!
Here I am at The Brits. Having a nice time. Only thing to report so far: Craig David seated unfortunately close to Leigh Francis.
— Chris Sawyer (@ahchrissawyer) February 24, 2016
It begins
Here they are. Ant and Dec. Little fact about these two: Ant always stands on the left and Dec on the right. They call it the “180-degree rule”. It’s not just part of their branding, either: rumour has it that if this rule is broken, both presenters immediately burst into flames.
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Behind the scenes
Here’s an exclusive behind the scenes image from Guardian HQ. When asked to to describe their present mental state, members of the team replied: “OK”, “jazzed” and “my eyes are itchy.”
Maybe you guys in the comments section are a little more enthusiastic? Guys?
Going to be such a high concentration of Britain's hugest wankers in that building
Every year I think we've reached the nadir of tack and talentlessness, only to be surprised that new depths can be reached.
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Sell! Sell! Sell!
A Justin Bieber fan account has tweeted a pic from the Brits merch stall, promising Bieber goodies. I can’t see any evidence of that. But what I can see is that you can buy T-shirts with a cartoon of James Bay and his Trademark Hat. For £25. (A tenner for the event programme, too.) But it’s not just any cartoon of James Bay and his Trademark Hat – it’s the official Brits emoji of James Bay and his Trademark Hat. Good God.
Justin Bieber #BRITs merchandise is available for purchase at the award show venue! pic.twitter.com/vhA285OhKI
— JustinBieberCrew.com (@JBCrewdotcom) February 24, 2016
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An unlikely source for Brits stats – My Voucher Codes – has also sent us some interesting data on the event:
Ethnicity:
- Since the awards began in 1977, only three black males (Seal, Finley Quaye and Dizzee Rascal) have won best British male solo artist. This means white, British males account for over 90% of the award wins in this award.
- In best female solo artist, the winners are more representative, but still underrepresented. Just under a quarter (24%) have been won by black women.
- Of the 36 winners in the group awards, Five Star’s win in 1987 is the only time an all-black group have taken home the award.
- Going further, looking at individual members of bands, only Culture Club (winners in 1984), Fine Young Cannibals (winners in 1990) and Elbow (winners in 2009) have black members.
- This leads to an alarming 90% of the awards being won by all-white bands.
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While the days of salacious stage antics a la Jarvis Cocker’s stage invasion are long gone, controversy still surrounds the award show. In the run up to tonight’s show, discussion has been focused on the lack of diversity at this year’s Brit awards.
Read this essential pre-Brits piece by Yomi Adegoke about why this year’s white nominees need to take a stand:
In past years, white singers influenced by soul manage to clean up at the Brit awards and tend to then do the same several months later at the Mobos. The fact that many black musicians struggle to receive recognition at any ceremony at all doesn’t seem to bother them one bit. By their own admission, many of these singers owe a great deal to the likes of Aretha Franklin, Etta James, James Brown and Whitney Houston – to the black pioneers of soul (hello Adele, Sam Smith), the blues (James Bay) and R&B (Jack Garratt, Jessie J). Considering they’re making music with black roots – and raking the money in by doing so – many show an unbelievable amount of contempt for the issues faced by those they emulate.
In the past hour, Brit critics’ choice winner Jack Garratt has also commented on the issue:
It is a hugely important part of UK music, but it is a shame that half of UK music has been somehow forgotten about, which is a bit disappointing and a little bit embarrassing, to be honest
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Hello everyone …
I will be taking you through the Brits this evening. Tim Jonze, the Guardian’s go-to digital guide for this annual extravaganza, sadly cannot be with us today.
He is not dead. In fact, he’s actually on his way to O2 arena as we speak. He’s up for British male solo artist. Good luck, Tim!
The show doesn’t begin until 8pm GMT, so to fill time, let’s take a trip down memory lane and look back at 2015’s event. Who could forget that night!
Kanye brought the UK grime scene to the ceremony, Madonna’s cape got caught in a plastic tusk, Ed Sheeran thanked album sales and his TV plugger Deirdre … Sam Smith got a pregnant woman to iron a Nazi flag on stage before urinating on the audience. No, wait, my mistake. That was Marilyn Manson.
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Well that’s sort of it from Guardian fashion. Just to recap: Geri is the new Scary, Kylie is the new James Bay and Rihanna is the new Jubilee line. Over to Harriet and Michael on the music desk. Bye!
Never one to unknowingly jump on every single trend like a rabid dog, Charli XCX is rocking spring/summer’s slicked-back mullet hair and current season Vivienne Westwood.
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Cheryl has come as all the members of Girls Aloud rolled into one. Quite a feat! Probably not worth the effort, TBH.
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Beautiful Lana Del Rey is wearing a meadow. Sadly, we’ve just heard that at the end of the night she will be retiring from music and taking root in a North Greenwich car park, by the bins. Which is sad.
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As ever, Mark Ronson is overjoyed to be on the Brits red carpet. But his jacket game – a dogstooth/sound-wave mashup (because he likes dogs and sounds) – is pretty strong.
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Well, we really didn’t think Rihanna would make it. This is next level stuff. And she’s avoided a tube mishap by coming as the new Elizabeth line. Props, Riri, props.
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There’s a lot going on here: blond crop, mullet dress, underwear as outerwear. It’s like an Ottolenghi recipe.
We don’t who these people are but we do know that they’ve come as little bits of old sushi.
Florence Welch has leapt fashion-forward by wearing a nightie and an eiderdown coat which is very next-season Alexander McQueen.
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HELLO, Adele. It’s us. Can we talk about this dress? We’re imagining your stylist’s mood board features ruffles from the Prada SS16 catwalk and a box of livers. That said, we genuinely didn’t think you were going to come so you crack on and best of luck.
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Marvin Humes has turned up sporting two on-point trends: a fetching Saint Laurent ‘Yeah Baby’ jacket and Drake’s facial hair. 2016, we’re back! Phew.
Kylie’s also looked to Burberry SS16 with her black lace prom dress. Inexplicably, she’s nicked James Bay’s hat.
Little Mix have come as extras from the touring production of We Will Rock You on Ice. Bravo lads, bravo.
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Jack Garratt’s bang on-trend in an emerald green double-breasted suit (very Burberry SS16). Of course, he’s undone all his good work with his ‘drunk uncle at a wedding’ beard and hair combo. Oh, and the finger guns. Come on, mate :(
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S/O to Olly Murs and Craig David who both look decent (fashion fact-finders: navy suits and trainers are a fairly reliable red carpet trend in menswear). Also big fans of David’s pocket hankerchief, although rumour has it, it’s seven feet long and if you pull it all the way out, the original members of Artful Dodger are attached at the end. You’re welcome!
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Question: do you think if James Bay’s hat met Matt Cardle’s cap they’d get on? Or, say, be more charismatic than their owners? Asking for a friend.
OMG, ELTON’S HERE! Just messing. It’s Muswell Hill’s very own Jess Glynne.
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It feels fitting to start with Geri Halliwell. It is 2016 after all. In 1997 she wowed the Brits with her union jack dress. Almost 20 years later, she’s channelling Scary Spice’s leopard print fetish. #thecircleoflife
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We’ll be rating and potentially slating all the best (and worst) looks from the red carpet of this year’s Brit Awards. So without further ado …
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Hello! It’s Priya and Morwenna here from the Guardian fashion desk *does Blue Steel face*.
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Welcome to British pop's biggest night of the year!
Hello, good evening, and welcome! It’s Michael Hann here. In a few minutes, our fashionable colleagues Morwenna Ferrier and Priya Elan will be joining us to cast their trained eyes over the red carpet outfits (we’ve dressed up in Guardian towers, too: I’m is sporting a vintage – 2012 – John Lewis blue merino jumper with a moth hole in the left arm, along with a gingham shirt that has a fashionably threadbare collar). Before that happens, let us ponder what the Brits are all about. And for that, I turn to a press release sent over yesterday.
The BRIT Awards backstage SPA treatments include:
Jo Malone – the official backstage SPA fragrance partner
Laura Mercier – the official backstage SPA makeup partner
Leighton Denny – the official backstage SPA nail partner
Pixi – the official backstage SPA skincare partner
Aromatherapy Associates – the official backstage SPA aroma massage partner
Colab – the official backstage SPA hair partner
I don’t know how a SPA differs from a spa. But aren’t you happy knowing that SPA treatments are available?
Now you want to know about the food being served to the guests, don’t you? Here you go …
A sumptuous three-course dinner will be prepared by a team of 60 chefs:
Starter: roasted Isle of Wight tomato mousse with Scottish forest mushrooms and shaved truffle
Main: Lake District trio of lamb, including roast best end, pressed salt baked belly and slow cooked rolled shoulder, served with Lincolnshire butternut puree, Berkswell ewe’s cheese, lamb jus and marsh herbs.
Vegetarian: crushed ratte and sweet potato with chermoula, served with baba ganoush rotolo, parslied polenta cake and Lincolnshire butternut squash
Dessert: Eton mess reinterpreted using poached Yorkshire rhubarb, vanilla custard, Chantilly cream and meringues, topped with a selection of nostalgic British sweets and a chocolate-themed punk Mohican.
A chocolate-themed punk Mohican! What a time to be alive!
And, finally, some booze facts. These are thirsty people, my friends.
15,000 glasses will be used during the show.
1,600 bottles of Champagne will be enjoyed by guests.
5,500kg of ice to chill everyone’s drinks.
4,000 bottles of wine and 10,000 bottles of beer will be drunk!
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