1 Expect the hosts to be less annoying than usual
Ant and Dec may be much derided, but they’re smooth broadcasters, used to working in front of live audiences, with the charm and ability to prick pomposity without coming across as rude. What a delightful change they’ll make from the last four years, when we’ve been subjected to the horrors of James Corden – selfies with a visibly horrified Prince! Unctuous sucking up to the stars! General air of believing he’s the hero of the show! – rather than hosts who can be, you know, likeable. You’re unlikely to remember their turn for years to come, but you’re also unlikely to be reaching for shoes to launch at the TV screen. MH
2 Will Madonna match her Grammys spectacular?
Madonna hasn’t decided to fit a Brit awards performance into her busy schedule for 20 years, so this feels like as good a time as any for an extravagant return. She went for a full-on glittery matador blowout, performing single Living for Love at the Grammys earlier this month, so there’s every chance she’ll try to top that at this year’s Brits. What’s next, a Madge hologram dancing next to the real thing while her team Snapchats photos of the show to waiting fans? Wouldn’t put it past her. TM
3 Sam Smith will clean up
The idea that Smith won’t win at least a couple of awards at this year’s Brits seems inconceivable – he’s sold a million albums in both the US and the UK, he’s performing on the night and he was also last year’s winner of the critics’ choice award. Another clue that tells you Smith will end the night clutching a load of Brit awards is the picture of Sam Smith clutching a load of Grammy awards from earlier this month. When Adele cleaned up at the Grammys in 2012, she went on to win two statuettes at the Brits. Smith should at least match this, although, unlike Adele, we can’t quite imagine him ending the night flicking the Vs at the organisers. TJ
4 Unless Ed Sheeran beats him to the prizes
Smith may have been greedy at the Grammys, but there’s a chance the Brits could favour their former British breakthrough act and British solo male artist instead. While Smith may be at his Adele-like apex of success, for every achievement of Smith, there is a Sheeran-shaped accomplishment to trump it: he’s about to perform three sold-out nights at Wembley Stadium, he was the most streamed musician in the world in 2014, as well as the most Googled artist, and he shifted the most albums in the UK – 1.7m of them. Wayne Rooney loves him. And let’s not forget the time he unwittingly partook in a political protest by dedicating a song about a crack-addicted prostitute to David Cameron at a party. Unfortunately, there’s not a Brit award for that, but maybe there should be. HG
5 Royal Blood will win one award. Because they have to
Kasabian have asserted that the Brits are “a conspiracy. They’re trying to shut rock’n’roll out.” That’s the ceremony that last year allowed Alex Turner to prattle on about rock’n’roll. The fact is, rock’n’roll isn’t well represented in the nominations because there’s very little commercially successful rock’n’roll around. Which makes the likelihood of the one rock band who have made an impact this year getting an award all the greater. Royal Blood are nominated for British group, British breakthrough act and British album of the year. The latter award will not be theirs, and probably not the second. Bet on them to win British group, so the Brits can claim some rock credentials. MH
6 There will be no controversy
Take a look at some of the nominees and performers this year. Sam Smith. Whispery electropop band Chvrches. Posh dance/classical group Clean Bandit. Do any of those people stand out particularly as hoarse-voiced shit-stirrers, liable to derail the evening’s plans? Our best bet will be on one of the guys from Royal Blood chugging a Stella too many and giving Paloma Faith a piggyback around a few of the tables. If Alex Turner is the best the modern Brits can do, with his “invoice me for the microphone if you need to” moment from last year’s ceremony, don’t hold your breath for Jarvis Cocker or KLF-style antics. TM
7 Hope for St Vincent, but you’ll probably get Taylor
St Vincent is clearly this year’s critical darling (although to be fair, the entire international female section is a gleaming crystal of musical quality compared to most of the categories) but will Annie Clark and her off-kilter art-pop triumph on the night? Of course not. Taylor Swift is the biggest pop star on the planet right now, and she’s turning up to perform. Only if it was renamed the Taylor Swift Award For Best International Taylor Swift could this one be any more nailed on. TJ
8 Expect social media to be awash with Swift gifs on Thursday
In the decades before kittens and Kardashians ruled the world, the Brits would have provided some timeless meme-moments. Just imagine the gif-ability of Jarvis mooning Michael, or how quickly the KLF’s Bill Drummond would start #trending after firing blanks from an automatic machine-gun, back in 1992. This year, however, we have the potential viral appeal of Taylor Swift dancing along to Madonna or swearing during her ex-boyfriend’s acceptance speech, actions which will almost certainly fill the pages of the internet the next day. You see, aside from her skills as a very proficient pop star, Taylor Swift’s other benefit to the Brit ceremony will be the many over-zealous opportunities her uninhibited presence will bring. Whether it be ecstatically clapping, whipping out a flame during her show or making everyone in the near vicinity look as if they are humiliated by her presence alone, Swift’s gift of the gif will be known. HG
9 Kanye will surprise us. But we have no idea how
We’d be willing to bet he’ll perform a new, unheard song, at the very least. But what else might he do? Recreate the building of the Angkor Wat temple complex with Lego, a team of American football players and James Franco? Declare his candidacy for Doncaster North in the general election on the Ukip ticket? Unveil a new clothing range, made entirely from rubies? Announce that his next project is a live action movie of Trumpton, with the Kardashians taking the roles of Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb? Your guess is as good as ours. MH
10 Ed Sheeran will dress down for the stage and up for the table
At the 2012 Brits, where he won British breakthrough act and solo male artist, Ed Sheeran performed a remarkable trick. He was pictured sitting at the table with industry executives, dressed smartly in a suit and tie. Yet when he stepped up to the stage to perform, he was dressed down, as if he’d just come from the street. And when he returned to his table, he was all smart again. The debate over pop’s authenticity or otherwise has been raging as long as pop has existed, but Sheeran clearly suspected his fans would flee in droves if his performing persona saw him wearing a jacket. We wouldn’t mind so much if him changing for the stage involved dressing up as a unicorn and wearing white leather chaps with flashing lights on. But it doesn’t. It involves wearing a T-shirt. He’s performing again this year, so let’s see if he pulls the same underwhelming stunt. MH
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