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Otherwise, thanks all for your company and comments – sorry I couldn’t us them all – and enjoy the rest of your weekend. While in the act, join Simon Burnton for Man City- Chelsea...
and Will Unwin for Barcelona-Atletico.
Bye!
But that’s enough of them; let’s give credit to Brighton for a focused, intense, organised and enterprising performance. They earned everything they got, and will stay up with plenty to spare if they maintain that level for the rest of the season.
Arsenal probably dulled some of the heat on themselves by deigning to play some football in the second half, but everything about them prior to that was atrocious, and so was what followed - absolutely if not relatively. I don’t know how much longer this can go on for.
Full-time: Brighton & Hove Albion 2-1 Arsenal
For the first time in 16 years, Arsenal have lost four games in a row; for the first time in 36 years, they’ve lost to Brighton! And what a performance that was from the Seagulls, who are now tenth in the table! Arsenal stay sixth, and presumably will remain there even if they accumulate no further points this season.
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90+7 min Brighton are doing really well at keeping Arsenal on the back foot, and there we go!
90+5 min Dunk and Duffy have been superb today, combining for Brighton’s first goal and defending very well in the second half. They know each other’s game, and what their team needs from them, as well as being properly decent players in their own right Duffy especially.
90+4 min ... and he picks out Stephens, the first available man. For a second it looks like Brighton have a break - then everyone realises it’s Murray on the ball.
90+5 min Arsenal win a free-kick on the left touchline, 30 yards out, Xhaka with it...
90+3 min Kolasinac does well down the left, digging out a cross, and when it’s bundled down to Aubameyang, the ball is behind him. Still, he does well to get around it and his right buttock to strike a half-volley, but sends it straight at Ryan.
90+2 min Arsenal shuttle from side to side, but can’t find a gap - I’m not sure Ryan has made a serious save this half.
90 min There’ll be seven minutes of injury-time. Incidentally, it shouldn’t require a proper injury for a sensible amount, reflecting how much was lost, to be added on.
90 min Ozil aims for Welbeck, and when the ball comes out of the box, Wilshere flails and flays it wide.
90 min Arsenal win a corner down the left...
88 min So Arsenal have been much improved this half, and as such, the pressure on Wenger might be less than it looked like being - probably enough to see him through to Milan on Thursday. But that is a key game - can he get them to perform like, well, a team, for 90 minutes?
87 min Final change for Brighton: Kayal replaces Gross.
85 min “‘Wilshere surges through midfield - even now, I’m not sure England have another midfielder able to do that’” tweets Lee Roberts, quoting me back to myself. “Have you not been watching the Ox for Liverpool lately?”
Hmmm. I guess he has done that a few times, but I’d be wanting to see plenty more of it before backing him to do it in the World Cup. He’s a talent, though.
84 min Lovely stuff from Brighton, moving it quickly and with purpose before Izquierdo absolutely fries Bellerin. The ball makes its way into the middle and Murray taps home, but knew he was offside.
83 min Arsenal are chasing a goal, so withdraw Mkhitaryan; I really don’t think I get why they didn’t just keep the Sanchez money for the summer. Anyway, Nketiah, who’s looked knackful in Cup football, comes on for his league debutand Bellerin replaces Chambers.
81 min “Didn’t we learn from the Mane/Ederson incident that looking at the ball is no mitigation these days?” asks Matt Loten. “Of course, Kolasinac’s challenge wasn’t nearly as bad, but he still technically endangered the safety of his opponent, and his intentions didn’t change the fact that his opponent ended up flat on the floor having oxygen administered.”
I think we need to be careful about judging the severity of a tackle according to its consequence. A price we pay for the physical nature of the game is people sometimes getting hurt and it being no one’s fault; I’d say that was such an occasion.
80 min Wilshere flights a ball to the back post where chambers is up. He can’t nod across, but the clearance finds Mkhitaryan, who wafts a shot that he’s lucky to see deflected behind. The corner comes to nothing.
78 min Wilshere surges through midfield - even now, I’m not sure England have another midfielder able to do that - so Murray summarily upends him.
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77 min Brighton look a bit more stable following the Schelotto stoppage, and further fortify by withdrawing Knockaert, who’s played well and is vex! March comes on in his stead, as he generally rants and stomps to amusing effect.
75 min That’s Iwobi’s last involvement; he’s replaced by Daniel Welbeck.
74 min Arsenal pick it up again, finding good pockets of space in front of the Brighton back four. But one tame pass from Iwobi, one quick pass across halfway from Knockaert, and suddenly Murray is in! Except he isn’t, because he runs like his boots are full of porridge, so checks and the opportunity goes.
72 min Izquierdo worries Mustafi again. This time, he’s seen away well, but Brighton should be getting the ball out left at every opportunity.
71 min Fine, early pas from Kncokaert, over halfway for Izquierdo, who steps on the gas and rinses Mustafi with a change of pace, making his way across the face of goal before screwing a low shot just wide of the near post.
69 min At last we see the challenge again; Kolasinac was looking at the ball when he charged through Schelotto’s phizog, so probably deserves the benefit of the doubt, which is no card. Bruno is now on.
67 min Schelotto must be in a way because he’s still down; Kolasinac remains in limbo, unless he’s away with it entirely.
65 min All the things no one wants to see. Kolasinac flattens Schelotto and Knockaert, the fearsome Knockaert, is over for the row as everyone jostles. The ref was already tasking time to decide on yellow or red, and carries on taking time as Schelotto gets treatment.
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63 min And here they come, Ozil finding himself down the left and crossing low, Bong doing brilliantly to intercede ahead of Aubemeyang. the ref then goes back and books Schelotto, who scythed through Xhaka earlier in the move.
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63 min This is much better from Arsenal now.
60 min Stephens slides in, robs Wilshere cleanly, takes a bit of him in the follow-through - and bizarrely, the ref books him. Free-kick Arsenal, 30 yards out, right of centre, and Xhaka scuffs into the wall but his mates help him out and force a corner ... Mustafi heads Mkhitaryan’s kick straight at Ryan.
60 min Arsenal are coming, Aubameyang reaching Ozil’s ball before Ryan, close to the by-line. But he can’t turn it back into the danger area, and the chance goes.
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57 min I’ve not seen enough of Iwobi to have an opinion on where he’s at, but last season his joy and confidence made him look a real prospect - is it just a confidence issue, or an ability one too? Anyway, he shoots wide and Arsenal maintain pressure, Aubameyang given space to tee-up Ozil, left of centre, 20 yards out, and he whams an outswinger towards the near post, Ryan doing well to shove behind. Arsenal then take the corner short and Kolasinac bursts into the area, Stephens taking a wild swing at him and doing exceedingly well to connect solely with fresh air. There are claims for penalty, but it didn’t look one to me.
55 min Brighton build in leisurely manner down the right and Schelotto crosses, forcing Cech to touch over the top. The corner comes to nowt, which Arsenal can count as some kind of progress.
54 min Xhaka shows the kind of moxie that earned him the house keys, booting Bong and earning a yellow card.
53 min “If I were Brendan Rodgers I wouldn’t touch the rumoured Arsenal job with a 10 foot barge pole,” emails Hubert O’Hearn. “It will take two full seasons to sort out the mess and Arsene’s successor, barring miracles, won’t get two full seasons.”
I don’t know; it’s still a belter of a job. There are some decent players and, I’d imagine, some money to be chucked around. Part of me thinks Rodgers would be an ok appointment, but it’ll never happen unless other more fashionable names say no first.
51 min A few minutes of quiet before Arsenal leave space in behind, Brighton almost exploit it, then Mustafi almost exploits it for them with a pathetically wet backpass that Cech screws into touch. Brighton use the throw to build again, and Arsenal just can’t find any momentum.
48 min Mkhitaryan and Iwobi move the ball nicely outside the Brighton box, can’t find the space to make anything happen and are soon forced onto the back foot, Izquierdo drawing a challenge from Mustafi, pasting past him, and swinging in a dangerous cross which Arsenal get away. Mustafi is the sixth dearest defender of all-time.
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47 min Nothing whatsoever to do with football, but I enjoyed this nonetheless. If you’ve not watched Gomorrah, do so immediately, you’re welcome.
I used to think the Trafford Centre was a monstrosity until I realised it was modelled on Pietro Savastano's front room. #Gomorrah pic.twitter.com/SB0q9mp370
— Mairt (@may26th1999) March 4, 2018
46 min Ozil carries the ball 30 yards, then rolls a visionary’s pass straight to Schelotto.
46 min We go again.
“Should I hope for a Gunners win or should I hope they lose and see Wenger get axed?” asks Anjaney Lokapur.
Yes, I feel you – it felt a bit like that watching David Moyes’ Manchester United (typing that succession of words will never not feel weird). I guess this will be over in May, which isn’t long, but on the other hand, this every week sounds like a lot.
“You ask: “Can Wenger last the season?” emails David Mooney. “For him to be sacked, it would require at least one board member to be paying attention to what is happening on the field. Evidence from the entire Kronke era suggests that this is not the case.”
Oh, it’s not that - just that if they win the Uefa Cup they make more money.
Half-time snide: “Will Arsenal bring in a substitute for Wenger in the second half?” asks Clayton Littlejohn.
If his players have anything about them, they’ll sort this themselves. There’s no way they are, or can excuse, defending this badly and indolently.
That was absolutely breathless stuff, which might perhaps assuage those Arsenal fans who’ve been complaining, quite properly, of boredom. Whatever else that was, it most definitely was not that.
Half-time: Brighton & Hove albion 2-1 Arsenal
Gosh, that was unusual. Everyone seems to have forgotten already but Arsenal started well, then went behind and never looked back, disbursing 30 minutes of so of unbridled worstness as Brighton, brilliantly, ravaged them. But they then contrived a pretty decent equaliser and will probably fancy themselves for at least point.
45+1 min Arsenal nearly equalise! Mkhitaryan paints in a corner which is half-cleared; it ends up back with him. This time he crosses towards Kolasinac, who goes up with Schelotto; between them, they divert the ball hard onto the near post.
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45 min There’ll be two added minutes.
45 min So can Arsenal go on from here? They just look so clueless at the back, but perhaps their midfield can keep the ball well enough to protect the defenders; Fingers McGraw, Koscielny, in particular, looks like he wants Wallace and Gromit to put him out of his misery.
GOAL! Brighton & Hove Albion 2-1 Arsenal (Aubameyang, 43)
As I was saying, Iwobi turns up inside the Brighton box and lays the ball back to Xhaka who does well not to slam it over the bar as is his wont, instead smacking a low pass to Aubameyang, in the middle of the box, who flicks home the livener. That’s very well done.
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42 min Arsenal have been absolutely miserable, abject, awful, terrible, useless, appalling, horrendous, embarrassing, shambolic, pitiful, risible and more.
40 min Ah, now that’s what Arsenal need; English Superjack Wilshere, he of the Union flag couch, absolutely flies into Knockaert, knee-high, and is booked. Good, honest, old-fashioned thuggery - he gets it, what a man. Brighton look to slip the free-kick in behind, but about 64 of them go too early and are offside.
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39 min Arsenal have a moment, a nice ball from Chambers finding Mkhitaryan who can make nothing of it.
37 min “I’m reminded of Danny Baker,” says Steven Hughes, “once telling his radio audience about the time that his father came along to a Millwall game. Everyone was being searched on the way in but the police officer took one look at Baker’s Dad and said: ‘You’re okay, Pops. You can go in.’ Baker’s Dad extended himself to his full height and replied: ‘Pops? You saucy bastard. I demand to be searched!’
I once went to Chelsea away with my dad, and, for reasons known best to themselves, the grass dogs pulled me. That wasn’t at all embarrassing, my father experiencing what, in Yiddish, is known as “naches”.
35 min It’s gone a little quiet, which I guess is some kind of relief for Arsenal.
33 min We are roughly 75 minutes away from a bantorious tweet from the hilarious Borussia Dortmund account. “We want Wenger out!” chant, presumably, the away fans. There’s this concept in the bible of a “chet lenefesh”, a sin against the soul - Joseph rejecting Potiphar’s well fit wife, for example - and when sung in Hebrew it is ascribed a desperate, oscillating siren of a note called the shalshelet. That must be what it feel like, as an Arsenal fan, to get involved in that kind of gear.
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32 min Brighton are playing superbly, and a long pass finds Knockaert on the right. First time, he touches inside, and Murray lays back to Gross who can’t evade the various blocks thrust in his coupon.
30 min I wish I didn’t have to ask this, but here we go: can Wenger last the season? I’m sure the eventual successor isn’t available now, but the way it looks, anyone would be an improvement. It isn’t possible to envisage less being extracted from these players, and a change would lift everyone.
29 min “Arsene Wenger, we want you stay”; I think we can be sure that this is, most definitely, the home fans. What a business. And what an effort from Brighton.
28 min Kolasinac earns a “we are trying, honest we are” booking for tussling with Gross on the ground. In comes the free-kick, and after it’s half-cleared, Brighton return the ball and Murray heads into Cech’s hands.
GOAL! Brighton and Hove Albion 2-0 Arsenal (Murray, 26)
I didn’t much like to say this earlier, but Petr Cech is done. That said, his mates are a bad word; they’re every bad word, and all the ones we’ve not invented yet too. Koscielny gives the ball away for kicks and Brighton move it right, Propper to Knockaert to Gross, who crosses beautifully. Nonetheless, Mustafi has about ten minutes to get a handle on where Murray isyet doesn’t, and the consequent downward header is dived over by the ailing keeper.
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25 min “Milkshakes and eyebrows? Eyebrows AND Milkshakes? Are there eyebrows *in* the milkshakes, or are they stuck on the outside of the glass, to make as if you’re drinking from the top of a human skull? Are they milk eyebrows, to go with the milk moustache you get from drinking the shakes? I need answers, Harris!”
So wonders Mac Millings. You drink the eyebrows and have the drinks threaded above your eyes; let me tell you, it is very.
23 min Brighton win another corner and again Gross’ delivery is very good, Dunk heading over the top. Arsenal are barely competing in the air here; if you’re picture is flickering, it’s the static from Graeme Souness rubbing hands on troosers in unfathomable fury.
22 min 9 min Granit Xhaka is the latest on the list of ironically-named footballers, alongside Mark Noble, Felipe Melo and Claudio Bravo.
20 min Iwobi tries to turn on the ball an unfurl a long, raking, 30-yard pass to feet, setting up yet another devastating attack from this wondrous Arsenal team. But instead, Knockaert blocks it at source and cuts into the box, feeding Gross whose backheel return meets his stride, only for the shot to be smothered. Poor from Arsenal, excellent from Brighton, who are properly enjoying this.
17 min Chambers makes good ground down the right and nips inside Bong, who slides in impetuously. But Chambers stays on his feet, gets naewhere, and Izquierdo streaks away, cutting inside and seeing his shot deflected wide. From the corner, Gross again picks out his man, Dunk heading over the top.
16 min “’‘Sacked in the morning,’ sing the home fans. You sure that’s the home fans?” snickers Gary Naylor.
15 min “This cannot compete with Shake n Brow,” says John Willoug with undue humility, “but here in Hadley we have ‘Dave’s Pet & Soda’, which sells pets, pet supplies and has a massive selection of soft drinks - all those obscure brands you can’t find elsewhere or thought had been discontinued.”
That is very odd indeed. I’d like to have a pint with Dave.
13 min I’ll tell you what, Dunk and Duffy are two of the heroes of this season. Anyway, Izquierdo saunters down the left and moves the ball inside to Murray who looks to tee Stephens up. It doesn’t quite come off, but reflects the confidence with which Brighton are now playing.
11 min Brighton, if they’ve got any sense, will press Arsenal all over the pitch now. Or maybe they’ll just keep following their manager’s gameplan because it’s working and I’m just some bloke with an internet connection. Definitely one of the two.
10 min “Sacked in the morning,” sing the home fans. Yes, that’s really what it’s come to. And Brighton are into this, Izquierdo cutting inside and cracking a low drive that wins his team a corner. Again, it causes aggravation but eventually the ball goes behind and Arsenal clear.
GOAL! Brighton & Hove Albion 1-0 Arsenal (Dunk, 7)
Oh, Petr! Gross’ corner is a fine one, starting way out towards the penalty spot and sharply swinging in. So Cech comes and Duffy, with a run, tanks after the same ball, thunking across, and Dunk punishes a volley into the roof. Now we’ll see what’s what!
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7 min Decent break from Brighton, Schelotto tanking down the right and crossing from the right; Izqiuerdo looks for it at the near post, but Mustafi slices behind.
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5 min All the play is in the Brighton half at the moment, which I don’t suppose is much of a surprise; the question will be what happens if things don’t work out as they hope. Anyway, Mkhitaryan turns up on the right - perhaps he’s playing in the middle, I don’t know - and whips in a cross at which Dunk waves a leg He’s relieved to see it shank behind for a corner, which again comes to nothing.
3 min Arsenal knock it about confidently enough. It seems that Iwobi is on the right, with Mkhitaryan on the left; the two combine when the latter wanders infield, setting Ozil for a shot which he drives over the bar from 20 yards.
1 min Aubameyang wins possession on halfway and pegs forward. Duffy though, does really well to stay with him, Vincent Kompnay-style, sliding in to concede a corner. I’, sure you can guess the rest, but in case not, it comes to nothing.
1 min Away we go!
Any other unusual shops come to mind?
I’ll tell you what, Calum Chambers has got a fine pair of eyebrows, which is something. Tangentially, not that far from the Emirates can be found a shop called Shake n Brow. Yes, that’s right: it sells eyebrows and milkshakes, a winning combo I’m sure you’ll agree.
The tunnel at the Amex is very wide. I don’t like it. Entirely unconducive to jostling, eyeballing and such.
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David Moyes, 54 years old.
Chris Hughton, 59 years old.
Chris Hughton says the only change of approach today is that his team need to be mindful of Arsenal’s quality. He also says his team are in good form and managing to score, which hasn’t always been the case, but will probably need the rub of the green to get a result.
Alex Scott is interviewing Steve Sidwell who, let us never forget, has his wedding vows tattooed on his back. Convenient.
I seem to recall Calum Chambers getting a chasing at Swansea when playing right-back, perhaps off Jefferson Airplane Montero; a proper, Jesper Blomqvist-David May style chasing. Perhaps “Hector” is being punished for his Oxford Union rig.
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Go on then, when have you been most ashamed of your conduct towards your parents?
So Brighton are unchanged following their 4-1 ragging of rockin’ Swansea last time out. They’ll be hoping that Pascale Gross can roam about behind Arsenal’s midfield, and expecting Anthony Knockaert and Jose Izquierdo to stretch their defence.
Arsenal, meanwhile, at least appear to have some discernible shape. On the other hand, I know Hector Bellerin is out of nick, but I reckon Izquierdo might just fancy a trot at Calum Chambers. Henrikh Mkhitaryan, meanwhile, might do something from the right – his best position, I’d say – and perhaps Mesut Ozil will have a good day.
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Anyway, let's have some teams.
Brighton & Hove Albion (an asphyxiating 4-4-1-1): Ryan; Schelotto, Duffy, Dunk, Bong; Knockaert, Stephens, Propper, Izquierdo; Gross; Murray. Subs: Krul, Goldson, Bruno, Kayal, March, Ulloa, Locadia.
Arsenal (frankly-who-knows?): Cech; Chambers, Mustafi, Koscielny, Kolasinac; Xhaka, Wilshere; Mkhitaryan, Ozil, Iwobi; Aubameyang. Subs: Ospina, Bellerin, Holding, Maitland-Niles, Elneny, Welbeck, Nketiah.
The successor to Roger Milford: Kevin Friend (Leicester)
The next time I saw my dad similarly compromised was in 2012 when, leaving Carrow Road he tripped his own self in the process of making a quick exit, after initiating verbals with a Norwich fan fuming about a last-minute winner. But that’s another story.
Preamble
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. Sometime in the early 90s, around the start of my adolescence, my old fella and I were walking down the street. Repeatedly, he flicked a foot in front of mine in an effort to trip me, and repeatedly I, at the peak of my school corridor game, stepped over and around his baitest of offerings. Then, when he was least expecting it, I extended my little toe more as a matter of principle than anything else, and was horrified to see him, a split-second later, prone on the pavement.
How to feel and who to blame for this unsettling state of affairs? On the one hand, my dad both started things and remained undeterred when they didn’t go as he intended, refusing to acknowledge that things had changed; if he couldn’t or wouldn’t tell himself, he needed telt. On the other hand, couldn’t I just have advised myself and let it ride? I owed him my life, my education and all the joy I ever had; surely he’d earned the right to do as he pleased?
This gripping, thought-provoking yarn is, by amazing coincidence, a watered-down allegory of what I imagine it’s like watching Arsenal these days. Arsène Wenger taught the club what good football felt like and brought a new dimension to the English game in the process – in particular, its greatest ever club rivalry. But beyond that, he conducted himself in a wry, intense and intelligent manner that made him easily lovable and which demanded respect. But here he now is – and I hesitate as I type this for it stings – absolutely done – demanding that those to whom he is everything put him on his arse because he refuses to accept that his time has passed. Grim.
Brighton, meanwhile, are doing just fine thankyouforasking. It’s true that this season, twelfth in the table means something slightly different to usual, but as Ryan Giggs would say, they’d’ve took it. Four points above the relegation zone is a decent place to be, and unbeaten in four, they’ll fancy themselves to grind out another home something or other this afternoon.
Kick-off: 1.30pm GMT
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